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Do some guys really avoid women they are attracted to?
yes, i have had the misfortune of personally knowing such guys over the course of the last decade or so. guys have actually told me "all i want to meet tonight is a 6 and i'll be happy". another 34 yr old i knew only dated short, fat, immigrant women (not that there's anything wrong with immigrants (or short/fat women), but in this particular case he was using the fact that he was a well to do American to woo them, even tho it was apparent to everyone that he wasn't fully into these women).
If you understand the concept of "Game Theory" you'd understand why your buddy goes for the low-hanging fruit....everybody wins as long as not everybody goes for the same girl.
This thread is funny, since the usual complaint here is that the hordes of average guys are all trying to get the small handful of super hot women. Now it's a problem when they lower their standards? Which is it?
over the years i've met a number of guys who will completely avoid women they're truly attracted to, and will deliberately go for "low hanging fruit". it's something i just don't understand.
the other day, i was chatting with a fellow at a bar. he said to me, "man, goin for the hottest girl is just dumb". i totally disagree with this for the following reasons:
1) first - i disagree with the perspective that you're pursuing the "hottest" girl. the way i see it, you're pursuing the one you find yourself most attracted to. this might seem like a distinction without a difference, but i think it's important because the former perspective implies an objective assessment (ie, others agree that she's the most attractive), whereas the latter suggests a more subjective one - you don't care what others think of her, you just know that you're really into her. when you know that the girl you're talkin to is not the one you're most attracted to, you won't put your best foot forward. at least for me, i find myself getting alot wittier and sharp around a woman i'm attracted to, than when i'm around someone i'm not so sure about. and i'm certain that just about any woman can sense this. i'm not very good at "faking it", and i suspect most guys aren't either (although many mistakenly believe they are).
2) if i consistently avoided the ones i was really into, over time, my confidence would take a big hit. i can't imagine telling myself on a regular basis, "forget about her - you could never get that girl" and keep my self esteem intact.
3) the false belief that if you go for "average" looking girls, your odds of hooking up will be higher - in my experience, attitude is simply not a function of looks, and i've met plenty of gorgeous women who were super nice and friendly, and plenty of average looking women that were bitter and rude. in other words, you simply cannot use her looks as an indicator of how receptive she's goin to be of your advances. IIRC, OKCupid even released the results of a study that found that girls in the 7-8 range were the ones that were most selective, because they would get contacted far more than either the 6s (and below) or the 9s and 10s.
i also think there's another false assumption that leads to this conclusion - that the "average" woman's internal assessment of potential mates matches yours, ie, a guy who's a 7 thinks that if he goes for a girl he believes to be a 7, he's playing "within his league", but of course the assumption here is that she, too, believes that he is a 7. yet the truth is that she might well consider him a 4!
4) finally, i think it's just plain selfish to "settle" like this. i sure as hell wouldn't want to be with someone that settled for me, and i think it's unfair to the other person since you're just wasting their time. they could instead continue their search for someone who really wants to be with them, instead of wasting their time on you.
the only time it makes any sense is if you've been on a really long dry spell and just want to release some tension, but even so i think the whole affair should be as transparent as possible to all involved, ie, no one should be misled or deceived.
thoughts/comments?
Yes, this is certainly true. I have known some guys who would target overweight women, ghetto hood rats, or extremely poor women with multiple kids simply because they're very easy to get. Thing is, on the front end, even though these women are easy to get, on the back end they bring many problems to the table that you wouldn't normally get with a woman who is much higher status.
If you understand the concept of "Game Theory" you'd understand why your buddy goes for the low-hanging fruit....everybody wins as long as not everybody goes for the same girl.
if the goal is to just get a quicky or a phone number, that's fine. but if you want to end up with someone you're really into (mutually), then "game theory" might not work for you.
if the goal is to just get a quicky or a phone number, that's fine. but if you want to end up with someone you're really into (mutually), then "game theory" might not work for you.
Actually game theory would apply even more to long-term relationships and marriage than to quickies or phone numbers. People can have any number of hookup partners and can give out or receive as many phone numbers as they want, but marriage (theoretically, anyway) only happens once for each person and with only one other person, at least in traditional Western culture. And since there are an approximately equal number of men and women, it's a zero-sum game. That means pretty much anyone can find someone if they're willing to lower their standards far enough. If they're not willing to do that, though, they end up alone and bitter that they weren't able to be with the most desirable person. After all, that "10" may give out their number to 100 people, and may hook up with 30 people, but they're only marrying one person. The rest have to make another choice or be alone. So rational people "settle" for the sure thing rather than holding out for the person that they have a very low (if any) chance of getting.
That's game theory. It's an observational theory, not a strategy, so it can't be said to "work for" people or not work for people. It just describes what people do. This is an actual scientific theory used by social sciences to describe how people make decisions. From your message I think you may have thought it was some lame PUA strategy or something.
I think some guys go for unattractive women because it makes them feel like a stud. The unattractive woman likely fawns all over them. Or maybe it makes them feel more secure in the relationship - that they are less likely to be left because the woman won't be able to do better than them. She might put up with bad behavior from the guy that a more attractive woman wouldn't. I have a very pretty friend whose husband just told her he's leaving her for a coworker. The coworker is a single mom of 2 kids and a LOT less attractive than my friend. What's up with that?
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