guys that deliberately go for "low hanging fruit" (marry, women)
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over the years i've met a number of guys who will completely avoid women they're truly attracted to, and will deliberately go for "low hanging fruit". it's something i just don't understand.
the other day, i was chatting with a fellow at a bar. he said to me, "man, goin for the hottest girl is just dumb". i totally disagree with this for the following reasons:
1) first - i disagree with the perspective that you're pursuing the "hottest" girl. the way i see it, you're pursuing the one you find yourself most attracted to. this might seem like a distinction without a difference, but i think it's important because the former perspective implies an objective assessment (ie, others agree that she's the most attractive), whereas the latter suggests a more subjective one - you don't care what others think of her, you just know that you're really into her. when you know that the girl you're talkin to is not the one you're most attracted to, you won't put your best foot forward. at least for me, i find myself getting alot wittier and sharp around a woman i'm attracted to, than when i'm around someone i'm not so sure about. and i'm certain that just about any woman can sense this. i'm not very good at "faking it", and i suspect most guys aren't either (although many mistakenly believe they are).
2) if i consistently avoided the ones i was really into, over time, my confidence would take a big hit. i can't imagine telling myself on a regular basis, "forget about her - you could never get that girl" and keep my self esteem intact.
3) the false belief that if you go for "average" looking girls, your odds of hooking up will be higher - in my experience, attitude is simply not a function of looks, and i've met plenty of gorgeous women who were super nice and friendly, and plenty of average looking women that were bitter and rude. in other words, you simply cannot use her looks as an indicator of how receptive she's goin to be of your advances. IIRC, OKCupid even released the results of a study that found that girls in the 7-8 range were the ones that were most selective, because they would get contacted far more than either the 6s (and below) or the 9s and 10s.
i also think there's another false assumption that leads to this conclusion - that the "average" woman's internal assessment of potential mates matches yours, ie, a guy who's a 7 thinks that if he goes for a girl he believes to be a 7, he's playing "within his league", but of course the assumption here is that she, too, believes that he is a 7. yet the truth is that she might well consider him a 4!
4) finally, i think it's just plain selfish to "settle" like this. i sure as hell wouldn't want to be with someone that settled for me, and i think it's unfair to the other person since you're just wasting their time. they could instead continue their search for someone who really wants to be with them, instead of wasting their time on you.
the only time it makes any sense is if you've been on a really long dry spell and just want to release some tension, but even so i think the whole affair should be as transparent as possible to all involved, ie, no one should be misled or deceived.
thoughts/comments?
Last edited by ElysianEagle; 02-14-2013 at 03:02 PM..
Believe me, there is social etiquette that desperately needs to be followed in the bar/club scene. I've have seen some absolute creeps approach women on completely different planes of attractiveness. It's fun to watch for everyone except the girl having to deal with the unwanted attention.
Any fella with that sort of defeatist attitude-- deserves what he gets-- and is stuck with: the "low hanging fruit"
What makes you think it's necessarily defeatist? Perhaps they actively pursue these women because it has gone better in their experiences. Perhaps they feel like less attractive women will put extra effort into other things they desire.
There's tons of guys who deliberately go after women society would call "ugly" or in a group situation the least attractive one because they feel she would be easier
What makes you think it's necessarily defeatist? Perhaps they actively pursue these women because it has gone better in their experiences. Perhaps they feel like less attractive women will put extra effort into other things they desire.
There are some guys who are "broken," so to speak, and rather than take a good look in the mirror and try to be better men, they go after the equally broken women. It may be easier, but it's not getting them what they want or need in the long run.
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