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This is a very sad situation and I am sorry to hear this.
If you want to know what is morally best for your child it would be that the two of you stay together and learn to love and accept each other (even if you are no longer attracted to each other).
I can tell you from personal experience that you splitting up will have adverse effects on your child even if those effects don't manifest themselves right away. The child needs both of you although for very different reasons.
I know that you are thinking of your own future happiness right now but there are definitely ways that all of you can get what you want and need , at least those things that are most important. This will of course require some compromise from the two of you. Nobody has to be the loser in this situation if you both open your minds to the positive possibilities.
Or at least if you're both going out and have a sitter, you should go out together on a date. Neglecting your marriage and your relationship with each other isn't helping anyone.
that could be possible but we dont even like to do the same things anymore...
9 years is a long time. That means you guys got together when you were around 16 yo.
yes.. he was my first love... hes 2years older than me... the reasons we have been on and off is ive been lied to and cheated on.... hit once.... im just a forgiving person.
so it wouldnt be selfish to raise our son in a home where we argue about every little thing. Im not sexually, physically, mentally or emotionally attracted to him at all anymore. we rarely stay in the same room as eachother
Sounds to me like its over and I don't really understand the whole lets stay together for the kids mentality. Its a setup for failure. If the two of you are not in love with each other and wouldn't want to be with each other if you didn't have your child, what is there to fight for? THe relationship has run its course.
Your child will eventually learn that its a loveless marriage. Trust me, I figured that out about my parent's marriage and didn't understand why they chose to stick it out in misery. I thought that set a bad example.
so it wouldnt be selfish to raise our son in a home where we argue about every little thing. Im not sexually, physically, mentally or emotionally attracted to him at all anymore. we rarely stay in the same room as eachother
Why don't you see a counselor in order to learn to have disagreements without arguing? Perhaps if you stop arguing, and start spending your free time bonding as a couple instead of partying separately with friends, you can save your marriage.
Me and my husband have been dating on and off for 9 years, we have been married a year and 3 months & have a 5 month old son. I dont know what to do, im not attracted to him anymore, we dont even sleep in the same room. When we get a sitter for a night out he goes w his friends and i go w mine. When it comes to our son and opinions about things we can never agree on on anythings, theres never a middle. Do you think we should split up? Some ppl may say its selfish because we have a child but i dont think i should be miserable... either way we will both be in our sons life and he will always be taken care of. Help :/!
I think it is not selfish whatsoever to get a divorce in your situation. I would do it.
Why don't you see a counselor in order to learn to have disagreements without arguing? Perhaps if you stop arguing, and start spending your free time bonding as a couple instead of partying separately with friends, you can save your marriage.
Exactly.
And people who do not take the time to EARN their way out of their marriages by getting some help learning and understanding what went/is going wrong are doomed to repeat their mistakes and choice patterns when picking the next partner.
This poor little baby is on the verge of having many men in and out of his life at this point - and at least 2 new step-daddies down the line
yes.. he was my first love... hes 2years older than me... the reasons we have been on and off is ive been lied to and cheated on.... hit once.... im just a forgiving person.
The only hope you have is to work on getting the love back for each other, and that takes two. Cut out the other distractions in your life.
Some ppl are taking my occassional 1 or 2 times a month out for a few drinks w my girl friend as "Partying it up!" Im not out everynight being a drunk slob, just a few drinks a cpl times a month. Im 25 yrs old i see nothing wrong w it.
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