For Those Divorced: Was your marriage worth it?

[cloven]

Originally Posted by Rcsligar

I thought about conducting this poll after hearing the phrase: "to have loved and lost is better to not have been loved at all." I figured this would be a good way to measure the validity to that statement. So, for those divorced, do you believe that your past marriage(s) have helped you grow emotionally, intellectually, etc? Or do you believe that the marriage was overall undesirable and created more harm than good? In order to broaden the poll audience, you may also vote if you have extensive knowledge on a friends situation. Also note that I am talking about your specific stance on the situation, not taking children into account. So if you felt cognitively obliterated by the marriage, vote accordingly, regardless if the marriage yielded children.

Voted "Yes,..." in the poll.

There were painful things within the marriage, not every feature of our lifestyle was healthy or positive, yet it was definitely (in my opinion) a worthwhile endeavor,
for the nearly 9 years that we lasted (were married after 4 & 1/2 yrs. as couple, then filed for divorce 4 yrs. later).

Being in LTR then marriage was an educational experience in all sorts of ways, and I don't mean that in a sarcastic snarky way, either.
Divorce was educational too, but a lot more depressing & lonely-however, in the big picture, I've never regretted it-we would be miserable if still wed.

No offspring, no arguments over terms of divorce, so there was no prolonged suffering
beyond the pain of relationship ending (which was indeed significant, but I've since recovered).

Also, it's been 9 years since I got divorced, so that's plenty of time for me (in my circumstances)
to be pretty mellow about it all in retrospect, from more of a distance.

Loss is sad, but Love was (IMHO) worth it anyway.
And I hope for more opportunity-well, not for the Loss part, but that's inevitable outcome of Love.

[Djuna]

I think the very basis of your question is wrong personally. We can't change the past. We did what we did at that time because we thought it was the best plan. If we dwell on the past we become controlled by it and in my opinion, we lose our happiness in the present. Whether our marriage as good or bad everyone learns something in the process. You choose to either grow as a person or become bitter and angry.

The past is gone, the future is unknown, all we have is the present, make the most of that.

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Raffael

Pikantari lol, seriously.. cut it out with the fairytale nonsense... "everything happens for a reason...."

it just means u got unlucky if u ended up with the wrong person.. people should just learn NOT to rush into marriage.. nothing wrong with being engaged for ages or whatever...

Yep, I was engaged for 4 years. Is that enough for you? I did not rush into marriage.

You don't know a lot about me so you ought not to tell me I have fairytale nonsense as it is just not the case.

[Raffael]

You are absolutely 100% correct if you state that I shouldn't say things about you / your personality / your past experiences / ... as I obviously do not know you.

Now, if you start spewing generalities that are 100% and absolutely false, then ofcourse I can tell you.

If you tell me the earth is actually flat, it doesn't matter if I know you and your past or not. Because it is obvious the earth is round.

If you tell me "everything happens for a reason", I'm going to point out that you have been influenced by the media and/or religion and dismiss that statement as a lie or fairytale.

If I bang my toe against my livingroom table, it's not because "it was meant to be" .. it did not "happen for a reason" .. it was because I didn't look out and banged my toe against the livingroom table.

Get it?

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Raffael

You are absolutely 100% correct if you state that I shouldn't say things about you / your personality / your past experiences / ... as I obviously do not know you.

Now, if you start spewing generalities that are 100% and absolutely false, then ofcourse I can tell you.

If you tell me the earth is actually flat, it doesn't matter if I know you and your past or not. Because it is obvious the earth is round.

If you tell me "everything happens for a reason", I'm going to point out that you have been influenced by the media and/or religion and dismiss that statement as a lie or fairytale.

If I bang my toe against my livingroom table, it's not because "it was meant to be" .. it did not "happen for a reason" .. it was because I didn't look out and banged my toe against the livingroom table.

Get it?

I have been influenced by my own life experiences. I could care less about what media has to say. I am a Christian.

My life has been broadcasted across the pages of this website and many people know the things that I have gone through in my life, and a lot of it was real time.

My belief has everything to do with the things that have happened in my life, whether I realize it as it is happening or see it for what it was many ears down the line.

[Pikantari]

I am not exactly sure what is up peoples azz on this board but if you can't leave a rep while leaving your name as well, why bother?

"loll ur mad huh? the "everything happens for a reason" thing is ridiculous tho.. quit watching so many movies"

I'm not watching too many movies. I know what has happened in my life and I don't need movies to tell me.

When I leave a rep, whether it be negative or positive, I am able to sign my name to it. Not sure what people problem is. Upset because you can't be happy? Sorry bout your bad luck. Add some positivity in your life and quit being so cowardly.

[Fivestars]

Yes, it was worth it. It has made me wiser and a better person. So much pain was endured and so much money was lost. But I am grateful for making the decision to end the marriage and starting a much better life.