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It's the age old question of friendships between men and women. When I was younger I had a lot of male friends (we are talking about straight people) , I hardly had any female friends. I don't know that you could say I was the girl who had no girlfriends , but pretty close. Then I dated one of those player men that befriended women (even when we were together) whom he wanted to have sex with. Now I find I cannot be friends with a man because I can very much (it's not my imagination, I just see things now maybe I didn't "get" when I was younger or hadn't been with such a player.) see through their motives in wanting to spend time with me. It is a turn off, pretending to be my friend.
These guys are the type that are there for me if I need something small done . Like changing a tire for example. But then they don't want to go away. Not that I do anything to lead them on. I am nice to them and I will pay to take us out for food if they help me fix something. Isn't that what friends do??? (Favors for each other and then I reciprocate by treating them to lunch or something. Maybe I'm trying too hard not to "use" someone?) But then they want to spend time with me more and more like a boyfriend would and I am not at all interested or they would be my boyfriend already.
I see it must be me doing something wrong because my guy friends are taking me the wrong way (9 times out of 10 I am caught off guard by this.) and I am just coming to the conclusion, unless the man is gay, I just can no longer have males as friends. Someone please explain what I am doing wrong because I really used to enjoy my guy friends when I was younger . . . And this is doubly frustrating because I do want a boyfriend but there is no attraction with my friends otherwise they would already be more than friends, yes these are men I've known more than a couple years in most cases. Help!
It's tricky because it all depends on the man. One male friend may change your tire because it's a nice gesture, and the next may assume there's something more to your connection because you're doing a BF type thing by doing it.
It could be signals you're sending, or it could be that some guy friends are hoping for more from you and you're unaware. Hard to say.
Being friends with the opposite sex can be difficult, not impossible, but difficult. I'm finding that out the older I get. Most of my friends were guys when I was younger and I miss that but now that I'm older and married it's hard to find a straight guy who wants a platonic relationship. Gay is the way. Just sayin.
I wasn't really friends with guys growing up. I had male cousins I played with. But I had my sister, my mother and I didn't see my Dad that much. Guys sort of fell under 'other'. I wasn't extremely girly but I wasn't a tomboy. I tried being friends with guys when I was 17/18. I found it was possible if I didn't spend too much time with them. More than that gave the impression that I was interested in more. The same is true now.
I don't know if it's possible for closer friendships with guys, but I haven't figured out a way to do that.
No, they're not. It's easier to have those friendships if the guys have a gf, or if they're in a slightly different age group than the woman, but male/female purely platonic friendships are definitely possible and do happen.
No, they're not. It's easier to have those friendships if the guys have a gf, or if they're in a slightly different age group than the woman, but male/female purely platonic friendships are definitely possible and do happen.
Rarely possible I'm finding out and it IS NOT easier if the man has a girlfriend. Maybe for you as the platonic friend but not if the girlfriend is not comfortable with it. Women know better to step back when a platonic male friend gets a girlfriend. I think I need to just be straight up with these men and remind them we are just friends. They expect something from me, even if it's just more of my time when they do something for me. That is not true friendship either which shows me 9 times out of 10 men and women can't be friends. . .
Aloha, maybe its me? Maybe i will never understand? But whats the big deal if a guyfriend finds you attractive? Ive had very gorgeous ladies in my life that are friends, even if i find them very attractive. As long as im not sleeping with them im a friend? Is a guy who likes you n that way anymore bad then a lady who wants to be a guys friend so she can get her emotional needs met without physical intimacy? And i have a few of those ladies in my life, who have boyfriends etc, but call me twice a day, because i guess there boyfriends cant give them whatever emotional need talking gives them? Sometimes its annoying. But i have accepted and understand that ladies and guys r different and have diff needs.
Aloha, maybe its me? Maybe i will never understand? But whats the big deal if a guyfriend finds you attractive? Ive had very gorgeous ladies in my life that are friends, even if i find them very attractive. As long as im not sleeping with them im a friend? Is a guy who likes you n that way anymore bad then a lady who wants to be a guys friend so she can get her emotional needs met without physical intimacy? And i have a few of those ladies in my life, who have boyfriends etc, but call me twice a day, because i guess there boyfriends cant give them whatever emotional need talking gives them? Sometimes its annoying. But i have accepted and understand that ladies and guys r different and have diff needs.
Yes, we have different needs. Why do you take up the slack for the boyfriends? Are you just hoping one day she will be your girlfriend? (Serious question, not trying to be rude, I want to understand) Yes, we have different needs.
That's silly. I'm a guy who has had more female than male friends for most of my life. If my girlfriend viewed these as "affairs" (fortunately she doesn't) I would find a new girlfriend.
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Idk
