Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Rarely possible I'm finding out and it IS NOT easier if the man has a girlfriend. Maybe for you as the platonic friend but not if the girlfriend is not comfortable with it. Women know better to step back when a platonic male friend gets a girlfriend. I think I need to just be straight up with these men and remind them we are just friends. They expect something from me, even if it's just more of my time when they do something for me. That is not true friendship either which shows me 9 times out of 10 men and women can't be friends. . .
I wasn't speaking to your case, but more in general. It's easier if the men and women spent some time growing up together and continue the friendship as adults. It may be more difficult to start platonic friendships as adults, unless the guy is the hubby of a best friend, or something.
Yes, we have different needs. Why do you take up the slack for the boyfriends? Are you just hoping one day she will be your girlfriend? (Serious question, not trying to be rude, I want to understand) Yes, we have different needs.
No i do it because I know i cant change how thing are. Further, i generally care about them as friends. Even if they are selfish. Further i have learned that the only motives i can control is mine. As for your ? no the girls who call me are not the ones who i want. Also everyone is needy, if we werent there would be no use for others.
Also for the most part i have been able to separate my attracton for a lady from being a friend. Further yes is it bad to hope? i have hoped a friend would be my girl, but if it happens or nt im still a friend, further how many good longlasting relationships startted as friendships? If you found a guy as a friend attractive would it change how u feel? Maybe its an issue of you cant control the situation? idk
I wasn't speaking to your case, but more in general. It's easier if the men and women spent some time growing up together and continue the friendship as adults. It may be more difficult to start platonic friendships as adults, unless the guy is the hubby of a best friend, or something.
Glad to hear it and I know I'm getting old because my mom always said men and women being friends is BS and I finally do agree with her. (with the exception of the examples you gave.) Someone, usually the male, has a ulterior motive. But women use men for emotional support too. I don't want emotional support from my male straight friends. I wanted help with man things because I am a girly girl for the most part. I am grateful for the few (mostly female) friends I do have and I will just understand that it is now fact, at least for me (everyone is different) I cannot be friends with straight men.
No i do it because I know i cant change how thing are. Further, i generally care about them as friends. Even if they are selfish. Further i have learned that the only motives i can control is mine. As for your ? no the girls who call me are not the ones who i want. Also everyone is needy, if we werent there would be no use for others.
I love this. Thank you for your answers You seem like a very peaceful man. I appreciate your contribution. I don't think most people are this mature so men and women as friends as a rule somehow no longer works for me.
I have lots of male friends. I am consistently NOT flirtatious with them. There is no sexual tension. I am usually friends with their wives and girlfriends.
I've never had an issue with my male friends wanting 'more' from me... maybe I'm just weird? I have a rather large group of male friends and not once have they ever tried to put a move on me, tell me they liked me as 'more than friends' or insinuated that they had feelings for me.
I was just about to make a thread detailing why this never ends up working, but I'll just put this here instead.
I can't keep a female friend to save my life. And trust me, I've tried. There are some women I've purposefully set aside to never do anything with other than to befriend, and I've failed every singe time. Why is this? It's because I'm always aware of how 'compatible' we are with each other, and I get the sense she is too. It's not something you can ignore, put in the back of your mind and forget...it always comes out. If there's a way of getting past this, I do not know of it yet. Just last night (the motivation behind my want of a thread like this) a girl (who is just a friend...)was arguing with me about how I was treating another girl (who is not just a friend). She ended up taking personal offense and gave me the hypothetical of "if she was my girlfriend...". Then, we argued some more, me being angry that she was making talk about things that she knew the other girl would be angry about if she found out. Then she gets angry about who knows what...it was a mess.
Secondly, from a girl's perspective, we're not very good friends. Girls think of friends as "nice people who they talk to"....but guys don't really have "nice friends we talk to". We have people we do stuff with. It's why, in certain contexts, two guys can be friendly with each other but in others it's just a "hi and bye" type thing. I guess we compartmentalize our friends a lot more. We have "basketball friends", "drinking friends", "poker friends"....and outside of those contexts, they're just acquaintances. It's also true that a lot of our friendships are about some sort of competition. And with that, comes some degree of roughness that women don't handle well. For example...I've fought, like physically fought, with probably 50% of all guys I've called my best friend once. I've told my best friends stuff like "Last night, I raped your mom..." and saying something like that to a woman is like an insta-friendship killer.
Thirdly, a lot of 'guy talk' goes way over women's heads. I guess they think it's crass or something...idk. But when a guy see's a girl he thinks is hot, he'll take notice. We'll start with the rating and scaling thing, the whole "just say something" thing...the "oh, but her nails are chewed off" comments....comparing her to other girls...saying things like "I don't like Indians..."...
The longest I've kept a strictly platonic female friend was 4 years...and it was the worst 'friendship' I've ever had. Everything was an argument with her...and me trying to not be too mean to her just ended up blowing up in my face.
I love this. Thank you for your answers You seem like a very peaceful man. I appreciate your contribution. I don't think most people are this mature so men and women as friends as a rule somehow no longer works for me.
Dont get me wrong, sometimes its really hard, i know this girl who i just went gaga for, im not her type. But my gaga is she is so gorgeous. But im her friend because not only is she gorgeous but is smart and great personaliy, and i decided no matter how sexually attractive i am(and the hell it causes) i would rather have her in my life as a friend then not(even if i wish she saw me the way i see her)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You seem like a very peaceful man. I appreciate your contribution. I don't think most people are this mature so men and women as friends as a rule somehow no longer works for me.
