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but the fact that I'm not comfortable with him taking trips with another woman doesn't make me a jealous and unenlightened shrew.
It doesn't make you a shrew, and it may not even make you unenlightened, but it most certainly makes you jealous. What is your lack of comfort with that scenario about if not jealousy? It's okay, jealousy is a normal human emotion, so there's no reason to deny it.
so you are actually saying you really believe that "all male female friendships are affairs"? Really?
No, he just said (I thought perhaps I need to read better, I apologize if that's the case.) male female friendships are unrealistic. I feel they cause problems with a SO and are not worth it. And being single, yeah, you can be friends with anyone you want. But somehow I cannot or maybe the men cannot be friends with me. And I am ok with that, I don't want people with agendas whom I am not even attracted to trying to get with me under the BS "friendship" that is not friendship.
Just to clear up the origin of that statement ... It came from Jerry Seinfeld on his show. Not my invention, but it rings true in my mind. Although there are no absolutes.
Ok, yes , usually one person would like for it to be an affair. 9 times out of 10 best not to go there. If you want insight from the opposite sex, go to a family member, a brother, uncle, brother in law or a gay man etc.
Gosh, I don't know, the fact that I (his wife)HATES CAMPING and they (him and his female friend) have been going on the same camping trip for 25 years. My husband does a lot of things without me for numerous reasons and he is going to take a whitewater rafting trip with another female friend this summer and I am not going. I hate camping, I am terrified of water and I refuse to put myself through that just to "keep an eye on my husband".........blech.........he would not be my husband if I did not trust him, it is that simple.
I do not need to know where my husband is or what he is doing 24/7/365, he is a mature adult who can make his own decisions. He is my PARTNER not my PROPERTY.
*and humans wonder why they have relationship issues when it comes to jealously*
Come to think of it I did allow something like this to go on in a previous relationship. However, now that I am older and wiser , it's got nothing to do with maturity, it has to do with being realistic, HELL NO this would not be happening. If I am with a man , married or otherwise committed and he needs to spend time in the company of another woman because maybe I don't like whatever activity they do like I have learned my lesson, I'm putting my foot down and it's simply not happening. Overnight trips- you must REALLY trust him.
I know there are divided opinions on both sides so you don't worry because of something I say since I am against this sort of thing and you are for it. But one of you ladies who is agreeable like this is in for a rude awakening and will be posting here about how the man and the female friend slipped.
If I have a husband who thinks this is ok, I will be twice divorced. Unless you just don't care???
I know you say you trust him and do not need to be around him 24 7 but that is not the issue, this is a line for me, and if it's not for you, I will calm down (yes, I have a lot of anger about this subject because of what I put up with and the men who are BSing me that we are friends. - where is the little angry face???-) and we can agree to disagree.
It doesn't make you a shrew, and it may not even make you unenlightened, but it most certainly makes you jealous. What is your lack of comfort with that scenario about if not jealousy? It's okay, jealousy is a normal human emotion, so there's no reason to deny it.
It doesn't make her jealous. It makes her enlightened in a whole other way. A realistic way. To me simply a suggestion like this from a SO would be disrespectful. The concepts of respect and boundaries figure in.
Again, I ask, if you don't want your SO to spend time with anyone of the opposite sex, what is that about if not jealousy? I'm not even saying it's a bad thing, if two people agree on those rules and it works for them, more power to them. Like I said, jealousy is a normal emotion. Just don't pretend it's anything else.
It doesn't make you a shrew, and it may not even make you unenlightened, but it most certainly makes you jealous. What is your lack of comfort with that scenario about if not jealousy? It's okay, jealousy is a normal human emotion, so there's no reason to deny it.
I'm not denying it, it's simply something I don't do, and honestly, until CSD's post I'd never heard of a married/committed man going away for weekends with a female friend, or vice versa.
My SO has taken trips with female friends before, but even his friend, when talking about their weekend getaway with me, said that it worked out well because it was a place they were both interested in seeing, and they were both in between relationships at the time. So both he and his friend had no problem with it when they were single, but they wouldn't do that when in relationships with others.
Again, I ask, if you don't want your SO to spend time with anyone of the opposite sex, what is that about if not jealousy? I'm not even saying it's a bad thing, if two people agree on those rules and it works for them, more power to them. Like I said, jealousy is a normal emotion. Just don't pretend it's anything else.
It can be jealousy, it can be lots of things, like not putting a tempting situation together. I understand being understanding because I was (and my ex did not , to my knowledge, cross the line with this woman.) but it's silly in my opinion. As Liberty said to each his own. I don't want this in my relationship.
No, he just said (I thought perhaps I need to read better, I apologize if that's the case.) male female friendships are unrealistic. I feel they cause problems with a SO and are not worth it. And being single, yeah, you can be friends with anyone you want. But somehow I cannot or maybe the men cannot be friends with me. And I am ok with that, I don't want people with agendas whom I am not even attracted to trying to get with me under the BS "friendship" that is not friendship.
Read post #5 again, which is the one I said was one of the most ignorant things I'd heard - the poster says,
"Male female friendships are affairs."
You then said, "I agree with him".
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