friends of the oppostite sex (men, husband, jealous, affairs)
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It's tricky because it all depends on the man. One male friend may change your tire because it's a nice gesture, and the next may assume there's something more to your connection because you're doing a BF type thing by doing it. It could be signals you're sending, or it could be that some guy friends are hoping for more from you and you're unaware. Hard to say.
So my Brother cannot change my tire because he "might" be seen as my "boyfriend" or the friend who is getting a ride home from me because his vehicle broke down can't change the tire that goes flat on the way home because he isn't my "boyfriend/husband"? It's a good thing I can change my own tire.
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Originally Posted by SeekingWomanMyAge
Male female friendships are affairs.
If Male and Female friendships are affairs...........I am having at least a dozen affairs at this moment. Perhaps I should let them know we are having an affair the next time I have supper with them and their wives.
I was just about to make a thread detailing why this never ends up working, but I'll just put this here instead.
I can't keep a female friend to save my life. And trust me, I've tried. There are some women I've purposefully set aside to never do anything with other than to befriend, and I've failed every singe time. Why is this? It's because I'm always aware of how 'compatible' we are with each other, and I get the sense she is too. It's not something you can ignore, put in the back of your mind and forget...it always comes out. If there's a way of getting past this, I do not know of it yet. .
Dub: focus on the details that aren't compatible. There's usually some quirk that you're glad you don't have to deal with up-close-and-personal, like if you were gf/bf. Or the person may have a flaky side, but they're fun to hang around and do stuff with. Or they may have a temperamental side that rarely manifests in a low-key friendship, but they're loyal and great to talk to. Few people are 100% compatible, if you look closely.
have you tried making friends with a guy you are attracted to? won't help with the "friends" problem but might help with the "want a boyfriend" problem you mentioned
other than that, you're pretty much SOL unless you decide to get markedly less attractive. these guys are going to continue to have a thing for you
have you tried making friends with a guy you are attracted to? won't help with the "friends" problem but might help with the "want a boyfriend" problem you mentioned
other than that, you're pretty much SOL unless you decide to get markedly less attractive. these guys are going to continue to have a thing for you
This is exactly the plan. I am going to stick only with straight guys I'm attracted to so I don't have this problem. Hope I find some soon.
I have a lot of female friends and I do not want to sleep with any of them. They exhibit lots of things that combined with my OCD, kill any "attraction" from the guy like things that come out of their mouth to the way they dress or carry themselves.
With that said, I am very aware that most of my guy friends are incapable of having a plutonic relationship with woman. They would never say it in front of woman, but they only view woman as objects of sexual desire. I have always valued female friendships because I find them to be more compassionate and dependable, especially in cricitcal times of need. Also, more real in group settings. When we "boys" all get together there is a lot of posturing and jocking. I'm guilty of this too. Just the alpha male in some of us I suppose. We put on a facade as not to appear weak to the other males. I just find that I can have more intellectual conversations about things with woman. Not that all my male friends are idiots, just most of them don't think too much about "life" or if they do, they keep it to themselves.
But I think most of the time, guys are faking the friendship thing with woman. Which sucks, because I tend to get grouped in with these shallow types.
I have a lot of female friends and I do not want to sleep with any of them. They exhibit lots of things that combined with my OCD, kill any "attraction" from the guy like things that come out of their mouth to the way they dress or carry themselves.
With that said, I am very aware that most of my guy friends are incapable of having a plutonic relationship with woman. They would never say it in front of woman, but they only view woman as objects of sexual desire. I have always valued female friendships because I find them to be more compassionate and dependable, especially in cricitcal times of need. Also, more real in group settings. When we "boys" all get together there is a lot of posturing and jocking. I'm guilty of this too. Just the alpha male in some of us I suppose. We put on a facade as not to appear weak to the other males. I just find that I can have more intellectual conversations about things with woman. Not that all my male friends are idiots, just most of them don't think too much about "life" or if they do, they keep it to themselves.
But I think most of the time, guys are faking the friendship thing with woman. Which sucks, because I tend to get grouped in with these shallow types.
These are excellent points. I have a very varied group of friends and we all hang out together (well, before I moved anyway) and it was a great mix of guys and gals of many ages. I'd suggest being friend with women that you don't find attractive but I think many men find it very difficult to put in any sort of effort towards a woman without getting something in return. I've had guys straight up say 'I'm not going to be friend with her, she's ugly'. They don't even want to associate with an unattractive woman so being friends with one is completely out of the question. Maybe they don't want people to think they're together and somehow ruin his 'cred' as well.
I have a lot of female friends and I do not want to sleep with any of them. They exhibit lots of things that combined with my OCD, kill any "attraction" from the guy like things that come out of their mouth to the way they dress or carry themselves.
With that said, I am very aware that most of my guy friends are incapable of having a plutonic relationship with woman. They would never say it in front of woman, but they only view woman as objects of sexual desire. I have always valued female friendships because I find them to be more compassionate and dependable, especially in cricitcal times of need. Also, more real in group settings. When we "boys" all get together there is a lot of posturing and jocking. I'm guilty of this too. Just the alpha male in some of us I suppose. We put on a facade as not to appear weak to the other males. I just find that I can have more intellectual conversations about things with woman. Not that all my male friends are idiots, just most of them don't think too much about "life" or if they do, they keep it to themselves.
But I think most of the time, guys are faking the friendship thing with woman. Which sucks, because I tend to get grouped in with these shallow types.
I too think most of the time men are faking the friendship. I get mad about it to be honest but that's just how it is. No use to get mad. Because it's most men, I just will no longer have males friends, I don't have time to sort through in an effort to find someone sincere.
I have plenty of opposite sex friends. Most are totally platonic and we both completely respect that. Very few are - or were ever - anything more, but regardless, the friendship comes first and last.
It's the age old question of friendships between men and women. When I was younger I had a lot of male friends (we are talking about straight people) , I hardly had any female friends. I don't know that you could say I was the girl who had no girlfriends , but pretty close. Then I dated one of those player men that befriended women (even when we were together) whom he wanted to have sex with. Now I find I cannot be friends with a man because I can very much (it's not my imagination, I just see things now maybe I didn't "get" when I was younger or hadn't been with such a player.) see through their motives in wanting to spend time with me. It is a turn off, pretending to be my friend.
These guys are the type that are there for me if I need something small done . Like changing a tire for example. But then they don't want to go away. Not that I do anything to lead them on. I am nice to them and I will pay to take us out for food if they help me fix something. Isn't that what friends do??? (Favors for each other and then I reciprocate by treating them to lunch or something. Maybe I'm trying too hard not to "use" someone?) But then they want to spend time with me more and more like a boyfriend would and I am not at all interested or they would be my boyfriend already.
I see it must be me doing something wrong because my guy friends are taking me the wrong way (9 times out of 10 I am caught off guard by this.) and I am just coming to the conclusion, unless the man is gay, I just can no longer have males as friends. Someone please explain what I am doing wrong because I really used to enjoy my guy friends when I was younger . . . And this is doubly frustrating because I do want a boyfriend but there is no attraction with my friends otherwise they would already be more than friends, yes these are men I've known more than a couple years in most cases. Help!
The fact is, men--especially younger men--almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they have a romantic and/or sexual motive. Almost never. You can bet pretty much all your male friends would have sex with you if given the chance.
Does that mean they are not really your friends? of course not! You can still value someone as a friend and be attracted to them. Forget this idea of having male friends who aren't attracted to you. If your male friends weren't attracted to you, chances are they wouldn't have become your friends. But if they can take no for an answer and respect the limits you set, there shouldn't be any problem.
out of curiosity, do y'all (ladies in this thread) discount the friendship of a man who wants to f*ck you but is able to put such feelings to the side?
i ask because i do have woman friends whom i'm attracted to, but for whatever reason (one or both of us not single, she's not attracted to me, etc) can't/won't/don't/whatever hook up with. it's never such a big deal as it often sounds here, we both just hook up with others and go on with our lives and remain friends
i also have had the tables turned, female friends who wanted to f*ck me, but i didn't feel likewise. it was occasionally annoying, but not the end of the world and definitely we could deal with it and it didn't ruin the friendship
personally i think it's just natural a man would want to sleep with his attractive female friends. my reasoning being, if they weren't cool people he wouldn't be friends with them, and why wouldn't someone be attracted to someone who is cool and good looking. there doesn't seem to be much distinction between this type of situation, and bitter men who have no other options than to lust unrequitedly after their female "friends" whom (from the sounds of it) they don't treat very much like friends
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