If you cant get anyone youre attracted to should you go after people you're not attracted to? (wife, girlfriend)
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If you need to be physically attracted to your mate, then no. Maybe when you're old and don't care about that anymore, you can settle down happily with another senior citizen. There are plenty of lonely senor citizens just looking for a companion. There ain't no sexin' going on.
Senior citizens definitely have sex from what I've heard. I remember reading something about STDs going around in retirement homes...
This is very true. It happened to me with a coworker and her with me. Unfortunately this was at a time when I believed I was unlovable. I had never had so much fun with anyone in my life yet I just watched her as she quit and walked out of my life forever.
Thank you for verifying that it is indeed possible.
I know younger guys in particular don't get this, but if they can at least stay open to the possibility they may be pleasantly surprised one day
Thank you for verifying that it is indeed possible.
I know younger guys in particular don't get this, but if they can at least stay open to the possibility they may be pleasantly surprised one day
You're welcome. I wish it would happen more often. It has been 11 years since her and it hasn't happened again. I see the younger guys speaking about how dating is a numbers game and you should approach x amount of women every day. I then wonder why they can't see this theory screams desperation. The women they are approaching sure can see it though.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
See, no offense D, but this is where your young age and lack of experience shine through.
It is indeed entirely possible for attraction to grow toward someone you were initially not physically attracted to once you get to know them.
Don't be one of those shallow guys who won't give a woman a chance strictly based on her looks alone.
I don't think I'm shallow becuase if im going to make sacrifices to be in a relationship, I want someone I have SOME physical attraction to. My standards aint high. If I have no physical attraction to you, we are better off not together. End of story.
I don't think I'm shallow becuase if im going to make sacrifices to be in a relationship, I want someone I have SOME physical attraction to. My standards aint high. If I have no physical attraction to you, we are better off not together. End of story.
I didn't call you shallow, I said don't be like the shallow guys and buy into their skewed views.
OF COURSE you want to have some physical attraction to the woman you are with! That's normal.
We are just trying to tell you that when you allow yourself to get to know a woman with other qualities you admire that in the getting to know her a physical attraction can develop and grow. In other words, don't reject or accept a woman right off the bat on looks alone. Take some time to get to know someone!
I had this same talk with one of my advisees a few days ago, although the subject was choosing college courses rather than choosing whom to date. The gist of the conversation is that to some extent you are free to study whatever you want, but your personal talents and interests will dictate how much success you have in those pursuits. Some students find every course in the catalog fascinating, and their challenge is picking the five that are the best fit for them. Others cannot find a single course that interests them. Assuming similar abilities, students with the former attitude will tend to be far more successful than those with the latter.
In other words, possibly the reason why you are not having the success with the women you find attractive is tied to the reason why you are 'repulsed' by most other women. There is nothing wrong with finding certain characteristics attractive but defining what is attractive too narrowly only limits your options and ultimately doesn't accomplish much.
Physical attraction is important. I don't think it's shallow to say so, because the first thing we use when it comes to senses is usually our eyes. I think most of the time we 'see' first, and investigate second.
Forcing yourself to date someone you don't find attractive is a set-up for disaster. You will be looking at them constantly, and while bodies change (better or worse), most of them doesn't.
I've always subscribed to the idea that attractiveness is on a sliding scale. I've met people that are magazine/model worthy who drop a few points once they open their mouths and use words, and others that are less physically attractive, but gain points by being interesting, having opinions, and are likeable.
Thank you for verifying that it is indeed possible.
I know younger guys in particular don't get this, but if they can at least stay open to the possibility they may be pleasantly surprised one day
Why preach it though? If it happens to him, it will just happen, right? He'll come back here and be like "Wow. It happened with my co-worker. She wasn't cute at first and now she is."
Personally, I don't recommend that approach, especially for guys who have had it a little rough. Getting hooked in that manner and then not having it reciprocated is one of the toughest pills you could swallow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
You're welcome. I wish it would happen more often. It has been 11 years since her and it hasn't happened again. I see the younger guys speaking about how dating is a numbers game and you should approach x amount of women every day. I then wonder why they can't see this theory screams desperation. The women they are approaching sure can see it though.
Numbers game is just a label. Are you saying that every woman you ask out accepts you. If so, then kudos to you.
If not, then you are part of the numbers game. Whether that number is 5, 10 or 50, depends on a lot of factors.
Physical attraction is important. I don't think it's shallow to say so, because the first thing we use when it comes to senses is usually our eyes. I think most of the time we 'see' first, and investigate second.
No one is suggesting that people are shallowing because they appreciate beauty. What is shallow is to give beauty too much weight, to let it trump all other considerations. I know a lot of guys who put up with all kinds of rude, cruel, obnoxious behavior from women just because those woman are "hot." That, I think, is shallowness.
The men I'm interested in are always attractive in my opinion.
This, pretty much. I wouldn't be interested in the guy if he wasn't in some way attractive to me. That doesn't mean that he looks like a Greek god.
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