Ever liked a woman who had everything, but was too fat? (dating, girlfriends)
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Those people who have it all "except" are the ones you end up being very close friends with. Sometimes the "except" changes and so does the relationship. Otherwise you are still very lucky to have someone you hit it off with so well and who can be part of your life.
Ok to answer for the other way around? I've met guys who were a catch in all the ways that matter to me except they were very heavy so I didn't go there. For me it comes down to sex. I don't like how it feels to be under or on top of someone very overweight or even just generally large (bodybuilder incredible hulk body type).
I don't like feeling smothered and as a lesser point, don't really enjoy body regions not being defined because they all just kind of roll or disappear into one another. I don't think it's right to date someone you're not attracted to or happy with in some significant way right out of the gate because there's someone else out there who would be and they deserve that.
In some ways, it would be more shallow to date them with the expectation of them changing to suit what you're missing. When I find it shallow in general is if weight is the only thing you care about. If you can't even get past weight enough to acknowledge a person's value or even treat them like they exist and aren't invisible, that's when I feel like you're superficial. I've met people like that and they get on my nerves.
Here's a question: what if she has nothing other than a personality that really complements your own. What if she is the perfect match for you with her interests, talents and abilities, but doesn't have a lot of money and is overweight? What if she makes you feel unlike anyone you've ever met. What if you've never met anyone like her?
What if you walk away from that?
Answer: You post on CD a year or two later and complain that you can't find the perfect match for you.
You guys are trying to make it seem like it's a small little thing and it's really not
A woman's body is half the physical attraction for most men. If half they physical attraction is not only gone but it's in the negative range because the excess weight turns you off so much, how can anything romantic happen out of that?
This is especially the case for those of us who are into fitness. We see all these images of amazing and incredibly fit women everyday, it's impossible to feel attraction to a girl who is even 20-30 Lbs overweight.
i didn't read any of the posts so this may have been stated before. but for this guy, i cant get it up for a woman i'm not physically attracted to.
btw stop being so concerned about the perception of others and just focus on obtaining your needs met. Orphaned.
Understandable. You can't force attraction. And if you're not attracted it's hard to get "excited." On the other hand, I truly believe you can develop your taste and preferences to be more inclusive over time. There was once a time in my life where I did not find overweight girls attractive. I slowly changed, going through phases. For a while I'd think a girl was cute but didn't pursue her because of what others would think, then I would pursue one but keep it quiet between me and her, to finally graduating to a full blown chubby chaser and proud of it. I think it started with a little critical thought applied on a steady basis and it grew from there. I think it can be applied to many things beyond weight like ethnicity, features, etc...
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Originally Posted by AceDaBrain
You guys are trying to make it seem like it's a small little thing and it's really not
A woman's body is half the physical attraction for most men. If half they physical attraction is not only gone but it's in the negative range because the excess weight turns you off so much, how can anything romantic happen out of that?
This is especially the case for those of us who are into fitness. We see all these images of amazing and incredibly fit women everyday, it's impossible to feel attraction to a girl who is even 20-30 Lbs overweight.
See my comments above. I'm not suggesting you force yourself to pursue someone you do not find attractive. I am saying if you thought a little more critically about it on a consistent basis, you may find the physical attraction declines in importance in light of other things you learn about a person. For me not only did it decline but it changed my whole system of preferences. And FWIW, I am very into fitness myself, and still find overweight women attractive.
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Originally Posted by cyberphonics
Ok to answer for the other way around? I've met guys who were a catch in all the ways that matter to me except they were very heavy so I didn't go there. For me it comes down to sex. I don't like how it feels to be under or on top of someone very overweight or even just generally large (bodybuilder incredible hulk body type).
I can completely relate. As my preferences changed I began to realize all my best intimate moments came with my partners who were overweight. It was the difference between good and amazing. I call this sexual compatibility but I'm not sure if that's the actual clinical term for it. If there even is one. This is a big part of why I began to pursue overweight women almost exclusively after a while. I figured between two girls, one overweight and one not, with all other factors being the same or irrelevant to me, I believed I would enjoy intimacy with the overweight one more so than the other.
I can completely relate. As my preferences changed I began to realize all my best intimate moments came with my partners who were overweight. It was the difference between good and amazing. I call this sexual compatibility but I'm not sure if that's the actual clinical term for it. If there even is one. This is a big part of why I began to pursue overweight women almost exclusively after a while. I figured between two girls, one overweight and one not, with all other factors being the same or irrelevant to me, I believed I would enjoy intimacy with the overweight one more so than the other.
Yep! Also to add I'm the same way about very thin men as I am about very big ones. I don't like how that feels either. I seem to enjoy mid-rangers the most but I'm like that about a lot of things, heh. You really know what you prefer once you've had something else. As for what you said about the change as far as going bigger, that reminds me of all the guys I know who said that once they had sex with a girl with a "bubble butt", they found it hard to go back to women who were slimmer/flatter in that area because the sex was just that much better lol
They previously never saw themselves as "a$$ men" but their experiences shifted that preference and they found themselves going after bottoms more than they used to so I definitely think preferences can change, but from actual experiences that bring those new preferences out. Not from feeling like you have to change what you want to better your odds.
This is really the core question of “settling”. We never contemplate “settling” for a gorgeous partner with glaring character flaws or values incompatible with those of our own. Instead, “settling” means accepting a low fulfillment of physical attraction where the basic compatibility of friendship and eventual partnership is strong.
For persons with unusual opinions, strongly held and dispositive in how one conducts one’s life, it is rare to find a similar partner. What then to do, when such a potential partner is eventually found, but isn’t deemed to be attractive? Surely it is crass to profess attraction without actually harboring it. When questioned directly, one should confess. But what if there is a general warmth of feeling, a mutual warmth – but one of the partners feels sexual inhibitions towards the other, a kind of regret that the other person isn’t sufficiently attractive, isn’t physically fulfilling? Is such a feeling to be shunted aside, defeated through concerted practice? Or is it better to “friendzone” the person in question?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyberphonics
In some ways, it would be more shallow to date them with the expectation of them changing to suit what you're missing. When I find it shallow in general is if weight is the only thing you care about. If you can't even get past weight enough to acknowledge a person's value or even treat them like they exist and aren't invisible, that's when I feel like you're superficial.
It's not shallow to suggest a route towards change, especially if the overweight person is interested in losing weight and would welcome a partner as coach. It is of course shallow to set an ultimatum - "lose weight, or we sever the relationship".
As I wrote above, one can "acknowledge a person's value" despite lack of pleasing appearance, but how to pass from this acknowledgement to the development of a real and abiding physical attraction? Part of a relationship is raw sexual lust. What are the perils of disregarding this, focusing instead just on the emotional compatibility?
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Originally Posted by iknowftbll
I truly believe you can develop your taste and preferences to be more inclusive over time. There was once a time in my life where I did not find overweight girls attractive. I slowly changed, going through phases. For a while I'd think a girl was cute but didn't pursue her because of what others would think, then I would pursue one but keep it quiet between me and her, to finally graduating to a full blown chubby chaser and proud of it.
I completely agree that one's set of "acceptable" physical traits broadens over time, according opportunities that earlier would have been dismissed.
It stands to reason that the relative importance of physical attraction would decline with maturity (with age?), in favor of intangibles such as character traits and shared values. It is however a very different thing of all that changes is the kind of physical features that one craves in a partner. Arguably, if what changes is the thing that one happens to find to be physically attractive, and not the importance of attraction itself, then this really isn’t growth at all, but a change of fashion. It would, to give a hackneyed example, be akin to a woman who prefers only tall men when she’s in her 20s, gradually change so that in her 30s she only prefers short men, to the exclusion of tall ones. How is this growth? How is this maturity?
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll
As my preferences changed I began to realize all my best intimate moments came with my partners who were overweight. ... I figured between two girls, one overweight and one not, with all other factors being the same or irrelevant to me, I believed I would enjoy intimacy with the overweight one more so than the other.
I would argue that in the example raised by iknowftbll, this may not be a question of physical attraction per se, but of correlation between how a person behaves, and how a person looks. A person blessed with great physical fitness could in some sense himself or herself be shallow, since the physical advantages came too easily. But one laboring under a physical detriment such as obesity would be emotionally more generous, having struggled and appreciated the struggle. What’s attractive isn’t the overweight body but the greater emotional generosity.
If you have no attraction, or no interest, then you do not. That does not make it "bad" or "shallow" even if it may appear to be so to some people. It simply means in all honesty, you have no attraction or interest.
Now, I would suggest that it could potentially be short sighted not to give a date or two a try. People's level of attraction to people is ultimately based on far more than physical appearance. As such, if you got to know someone who may be the perfect match for you in all other ways except appearance, you may start to find yourself attracted to her anyway.
I learned that when I went to my high school reunion and this gorgeous woman keep giving the football players the middle finger
I got a hug......
Don't ever date someone thinking you can "fix" them. If you can't look beyond their weight, don't date them.
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) in the gym, an hour in the kitchen preparing healthy meals, and an hour reading books?
