Ever liked a woman who had everything, but was too fat? (wives, older)
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They could very well be similar. Say a manager who made 50k vs another manager with simikar education experience, etc who made 150k. Same age and everything.
Being a guy I'd certainly be more attracted to a woman making 150k vs one making 50k. All else equal. Which is my point, it matters at least a little. (Fyi my gf doesn't work since we travel regularly for my work and I'm fine with that)
I'm unsure exactly on a 500k house but yesterday I was pricing houses in the $400k dollar range. A 15, yes FIFTEEN year mortgage with a good interest rate and 20% down to avoid PMI comes out to a payment of around $2700ish per month. 30 year mortgage closer to $2000.
If he makes around 150k he takes home around $8500/mo. If he is debt free then spending $2700/mo on his mortgage still leaves him $5800 left over each month. MORE than enough. Even if he had a car payment on top of it...
Not to mention in 15 yrs his house will be paid off...
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I'll concede you have a similar point with the manager example--although I would argue it still leaves out personality. But yeah, I think most people (men and women) would prefer their significant other make more money if everything else is equal.
As for the house, I think I brought my biased into my reaction to that. I was assuming he had debt because he was buying "toys"... to me toys means, cars, boats, and that sort of stuff. Back when I was married and lived in a bigger house (in a posh neighborhood) and all, I knew the type... they were people who looked like they were doing well but then suddenly one day their houses were in forecloser and they moved out. That's the first thing I thought of in your example.
If he's debt free and doesn't have a lot of high price toys like cars and boats and such, you are right, it's doable (and that assuming he saves 20% too--which I strongly believe people should do).
Say you make 50k and live in a 1 bedroom apartment on an average area of town.
Say you make 150k and live in a $500k beautiful home in the fancy neighborhood. You are well traveled, nice vacations, expensive toys.
What girl is seriously going to have the EXACT same opinion on both? I would imagine a lot more girls would like to picture their future in a $500k home vs a 1 bedroom apartment.
Not saying its even a deciding factor for some women but ALL things other than finance being equal, what person wouldn't like the succesful guy? (Other than the CD women who are all perfect 10s in ever way and dont care about anything other than heart)
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Not everyone's that shallow! You always mention your GF stays at home and cleans and does your washing, buy your food etc, Personally i couldn't do that, it would drive me insane! Most men wouldn't like that either. It shows no ambition and drive but you obviously like it, my point is everyone is different and look for different qualities in a partner. Not everyone wants a man married to his job that would be my worst nightmare regardless of his income.
There is a lady who is 28 years old, she is absolutely sweet and has the personality that I'm looking for, but her weight is the only issue. She has a very nice face. We text every now and then, and I KNOW she likes me a lot. I just can't get over her weight since I workout 5 days a week, and have a six pack. She doesn't seem to have interest in workout. I don't want her just to workout for me, I want her to enjoy it.
I know she used to be really hot when she was younger. She dated so many guys.
In my neck of the woods, that is pretty much "end-game" for women that age, moreso if they already have children.
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I wonder if we have different definitions of fat, when I think of fat, I think of that big woman from the Drew Carey show, Rosie O'Donnel, or just about any large women that dared go into Al Bundy's workplace. Or an extreme example would be Brenda from the movie "Slither".
Lets all be honest here, there are just as much women who wouldn't dare date a fat guy if he had it all together, I can count some previous posts about what they want in a man and "fat" was never part of the equation. Both genders are guilty.
Back on topic, a little flab or a muffin top doesn't seem to phase me. As you age, you're gonna get flab. If they're willing to work to lose it, that's fine. Maybe the concern is that she doesn't want to lose it, but at the same time she can't expect to get a guy who's in-shape and well off unless he actually likes her back.
I'll concede you have a similar point with the manager example--although I would argue it still leaves out personality. But yeah, I think most people (men and women) would prefer their significant other make more money if everything else is equal.
As for the house, I think I brought my biased into my reaction to that. I was assuming he had debt because he was buying "toys"... to me toys means, cars, boats, and that sort of stuff. Back when I was married and lived in a bigger house (in a posh neighborhood) and all, I knew the type... they were people who looked like they were doing well but then suddenly one day their houses were in forecloser and they moved out. That's the first thing I thought of in your example.
If he's debt free and doesn't have a lot of high price toys like cars and boats and such, you are right, it's doable (and that assuming he saves 20% too--which I strongly believe people should do).
I agree it all just depends on how the person is buying those things and such. A lot of people just "appear" to have a lot of things. Really right now after all my bills and expenses and spending money is gone I typically have 3k-4k left over each month that I put towards paying off debt faster. I could easily go out and finance a couple brand new corvettes and a 100k RV and still get by each month. I would APPEAR to be very very rich, yet my income would remain the same and I'd just be in a huge hole. Don't get me wrong, it's very tempting sometimes lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
Not everyone's that shallow! You always mention your GF stays at home and cleans and does your washing, buy your food etc, Personally i couldn't do that, it would drive me insane! Most men wouldn't like that either. It shows no ambition and drive but you obviously like it, my point is everyone is different and look for different qualities in a partner. Not everyone wants a man married to his job that would be my worst nightmare regardless of his income.
Wow.. You make a lot of assumptions for someone who I believe hasn't worked the last couple years or at least for quite a while? How are you not going insane?
Yes, my gf is CURRENTLY not working. We are living in a very very small town about 45 minutes away from a city where she would have any chance at getting a job. Hardly worth the gas to drive to and from.
When we lived in Houston for 4 months this year she had a job working 30-40 hours a week making decent money... When we lived in Corpus Christi last winter she worked at a bank and was actually promoted to be the Lead Teller before we moved..
She has PLENTY of drive and ambition, it just isn't practical for her to work right now, plus I make about 150k a year so why have her drive 2 hrs a day to make 15 bucks an hour? Instead she does everything around the house and spends her spare time reading financial books and real estate investment books, knowledge that will help for the future and good things to know in general (I have about a dozen books regarding the topics I've already read that she is now reading)
She is 19, you can't expect her to be some successful business woman.. I'll get a permanent job with no traveling in a few years and she will go to school, we just move a couple times a year so it doesn't work out.. She does everything around the house so when I get off work we go to the gym, the beach, see movies, go to dinners, go on motorcycle trips, etc. etc... Works pretty nice and we aren't complaining..
Also, I'm not sure if your "married to your job" comment was in general or directed at me...
I have not worked more than 5 days a week in the past 7ish months.
Every week in August I worked 4 days a week. We are going on vacation next month for 5 days, I have 4 days off for Thanksgiving, I have 9 days off over Christmas, PLUS I have another week of vacation time I HAVE to use before the end of the year... I'm not sure who your "married to your job" is directed to, as the rest of your post was towards me.. But, I'm certainly not married to mine.. If I was, I'd be working right now instead of messaging on here
Have you ever met a woman who had everything, but was too fat?
She had a good job, a pleasant manner, etc., but had too much weight.
Is it "shallow" to consider this "bad" not to date her?
It sounds like this woman has almost everything you are looking for. Her weight is not likely to change in a positive way unless she has a change of heart and lifestyle. You already find her weight unacceptable, so just do both of you a favor and move on. She is not the woman for you. We all have our preferences and she is not what you want, so why waste time trying to force it? Best wishes.
Don't ever go into a relationship expecting someone to change. When my gf and I met she was small and thin (5' 110lbs)..
The first year we dated my gym time was ME time so I didn't really invite her to come and she didn't hassle me too much (though I got that vibe eventually)
This year however I started bringing her to the gym and she LOVES it. Sometimes I will make excuses not to go and she's like "no, we're going." How can I complain with that? When we do squats I am resting between sets, and she's down doing push ups or wall sits. She just texted me a bit ago and said she just went for a long run before we go to the gym when I get off. She feels great now.
You can't expect everyone to be like that. I know many girls that just aren't. I would get their opinion on it before you started seriously dating. You don't want it to be an argument or they will never want to go.
More important than exercise, is I would look at her diet. Does she eat a ton of crap? Is there a reason for it? Could you eat healthier meals and would she be happy with that? If she is a constant junk food/fast food nut, you may not have a chance if she isn't willing to change. For some people you can't "out exercise" a bad diet.
... I contacted a woman who was not thin, but she was beautiful, brilliant, childfree (mandatory to get me even remotely interested), early 50s.
This speaks to my point about persons having unusual values consequently having a smaller dating pool, and having to be more accommodating about "standards" of physical attraction.
People with more "mainstream" values could, if so inclined, cycle through a large dating pool, accepting or rejecting partners according to potentially shallow preferences of attraction. On the other hand, suppose that two child-free people meet and find common ground, but without the flying-sparks of visceral attraction. What should they do? It might be a long slog before meeting another child-free person. Should they "settle", or move on?
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