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Sh*t happens, I've experienced enough to know that first hand, but I do not let that dictate what I do now - and if I did, I would only have myself to blame, not people from the past.
You sound depressed and really self absorbed. Your coworkers invite you out for drinks but you choose not to go. You choose to mope around ruminating on how horrible your parents were to you. We all choose how we're going to react to our circumstances. When you make the decision to change your mindset and realise that happiness comes from within, then you might be someone worth dating. Until then you're way too negative...and no-one likes a negative Nancy.
more callous victim blaming , no we don't choose how we react to abuse , that's another one of the modern day viscious lies
if people chose how they react to bad stuff , that would mean the majority of people were masochists and they are not
more callous victim blaming , no we don't choose how we react to abuse , that's another one of the modern day viscious lies
if people chose how they react to bad stuff , that would mean the majority of people were masochists and they are not
You absolutely have a choice in how you react to something like abuse. It's really the only choice you do have in that situation. You can say "oh, woe is me, my life is ruined because bad things have happened to me" or you can say, "I'm stronger than this, and I'm not going to let bad things in the past define my future." Then you live that.
Agreed with Irish, I wouldn't date you but I can't say if I'm in the majority or not because there are plenty who would. My answer would have been different years ago but I've met my threshold for dating people carrying a lot of baggage that negatively affects their ability to socialize, develop bonds, or feel fulfilled instead of empty.
That said, your Independence puts you in a good position to start a turn around for the better in your emotional and interpersonal affairs so I wouldn't think you were a loser or hopeless or anything like that.
more callous victim blaming , no we don't choose how we react to abuse , that's another one of the modern day viscious lies
if people chose how they react to bad stuff , that would mean the majority of people were masochists and they are not
We are not blaming him for the psychological abuse that his parents inflicted upon him, but ultimately the past cannot be undone. IMO therapy is the best way for the OP to move forward. He needs to disengage the false image of himself as a loser that they gave him from his actual self. Then that actual self can go on to live a happier life.
You absolutely have a choice in how you react to something like abuse. It's really the only choice you do have in that situation. You can say "oh, woe is me, my life is ruined because bad things have happened to me" or you can say, "I'm stronger than this, and I'm not going to let bad things in the past define my future." Then you live that.
let me tell you something , real victims of abuse are not in a strong enough frame of mind to make a clear descision like " ok im rising above this " without so much as a whimper , they are too busy reeling from their ordeal , people are not car engines who can be fixed with a few tweaks here and there
We are not blaming him for the psychological abuse that his parents inflicted upon him, but ultimately the past cannot be undone. IMO therapy is the best way for the OP to move forward. He needs to disengage the false image of himself as a loser that they gave him from his actual self. Then that actual self can go on to live a happier life.
my point is that if someone cannot get over past abuse , the blame lies with the abuser , if a rape victim could never get over her or his ordeal , would you lecture them about being weak , didn't think so , abusers are the ones who bear responsibility , not victims
At the end of the day, we are the only ones who suffer by not fixing what is wrong. I can blame, blame, blame the "X" (bad parent, mean guys I've dated, etc.), till I'm blue in the face, and it can be 100% fair, but what good does that do me in day-to-day life?
His option is too fix himself in order to be happy, he can't go back in time and change things, you can't prosecute the parents, etc.
You have to take responsibility for your own happiness and health. It's the ONLY thing you have control over to change in these situations.
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So, I put the question to the women here: if you met a guy who lived on his own, supported himself, but had absolutely no dating history or any sexual past, would you run away, thinking the guy was a freak? That he was irreparably damaged? That's what I fear will happen.
Of course not. But I would be very cautious about a guy who had as much unresolved baggage as you do.
Get therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in family abuse issues and trauma. They have pretty effective methods for resolving those things these days. Consider it an investment in yourself and your future happiness. The sooner you get started, the sooner you can live the life of your dreams! Good luck to you.
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