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My girlfriend asked me this weekend if I believed in soulmates. I had to say no. I believe there's many people for everyone, but I don't think any of them can turn into soulmates, especially after my marriage. That may mean I'm alone because I can't develop strong enough feelings for anyone.
I don't buy the soul mate thing either. It's a nice little fantasy, but that's all it is, at least to me. I do think that people can have a special bond and that that is a rare thing but not that rare.
1. Yes, there are some men who will spend life alone. It's not because they are meant to be that way, but because they keep making dumb decisions that doom them to be that way. They are on the Relationship board by the boxcar. They keep offering up these dumb manifestos on What Women Want or What I Expect A Woman To Be and then are constantly baffled as to why they can't keep one happy. They keep marching ahead, committing the same manifestly stupid actions over and over again, but refuse to change so much as a millimeter.
2. If you are too timid to ask a woman out, then that's all on you. Women of all varieties dislike lack of confidence in a man. That doesn't mean you have to swagger. But it does mean that you actually have to have the basic testicles to talk to a woman and invite her to dinner.
3. You got a vasectomy? Hate to break it to you, but the large majority of women want to have kids at some point.
So, yeah, the OP might very well be one of those guys. But the use of the word 'meant' suggested a deterministic universe designed to make you lonely, when in truth you're the one choosing to be lonely with your passiveness and fear.
Easy for women to say when they don't have to do it.
Easy for women to say when they don't have to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
Minivan Driver is a man.
There is that.
Also, nobody HAS to do anything.
I'm a woman and I've done the asking plenty of times. If you want something, it sometimes helps to ask for it. Not guaranteed you'll get it, but if you never ask, good odds you'll never know. I've done that initial (lol) "approach" before, I've asked guys out, and I've paid at times (for myself or for both of us) I've been the one to initiate transition to a sexual relationship. I've been accepted, I've been rejected. Things have gone well, things have gone poorly. C'est la vie.
I am still on the dating market, but lately I've been meeting a lot of women over 40 or in their 50s that "closed up shop" in the dating arena altogether. Even women of religious faith, surprisingly. One said she's focusing on God and is content on her current group of friends she goes out dancing and dining with once in a while. She gets asked out a lot, but refuses any dates. She's never been married, no kids. Very attractive.
Another woman, she's divorced, but she's just butt heads with her ex all her life, even now, and is enjoying the freedom of her own space and gal pals.
I know woman in my small town that her and her other lady friends, all very attractive, intelligent women, that have pretty much taken a vow to never date again. (Not really a "vow", but might as well be).
Basically, men are still pursuant of women usually no matter what age, while women are starting to be content with their friends, family, kids, and other hobbies. I think this answers the OP's question. That said, men may have to accept the fact they may be single indefinitely.
Some may ask me, "Why are you still single?" I think of saying, "Well, I keep meeting women that prefer to stay single"
I am still on the dating market, but lately I've been meeting a lot of women over 40 or in their 50s that "closed up shop" in the dating arena altogether. Even women of religious faith, surprisingly. One said she's focusing on God and is content on her current group of friends she goes out dancing and dining with once in a while. She gets asked out a lot, but refuses any dates. She's never been married, no kids. Very attractive.
Another woman, she's divorced, but she's just butt heads with her ex all her life, even now, and is enjoying the freedom of her own space and gal pals.
I know woman in my small town that her and her other lady friends, all very attractive, intelligent women, that have pretty much taken a vow to never date again. (Not really a "vow", but might as well be).
Basically, men are still pursuant of women usually no matter what age, while women are starting to be content with their friends, family, kids, and other hobbies. I think this answers the OP's question. That said, men may have to accept the fact they may be single indefinitely.
Some may ask me, "Why are you still single?" I think of saying, "Well, I keep meeting women that prefer to stay single"
Content is a very strong word. These women are likely content for a lot of reasons. I've met women who were married and divorced, they licked their wounds, and then they went on living their lives and ultimately meeting someone else. I've also met women that their divorce or their failed relationships became their identities. Instead of becoming a better person, they blame their current life outcome on their ex husband or ex boyfriends. Life is never completely rosy and carefree; however, you can get a good balance of the good and the bad.
I've found that most people can mess up a good thing, because they're too fixated on what their ex did to them in the past. I was a victim of this much of my 20s. My ex did nothing wrong, but I found myself entirely too fixated on how I wasn't a better boyfriend while we were together. Well, that bled over into women that I was trying to see in my 20s and it caused problems. You have to recognize what your faults are and grow from them. If you're not willing to grow and continue living in the past, then you can't expect your life to bear any fruit.
I'm far from perfect, but I feel I have a fairly good grasp on how I'm living my life. Where my life is now is no one's fault but my own, good or bad. I can't completely control my dating life, but I can control how I respond to other people that I'm dating.
I'm a woman and I've done the asking plenty of times. If you want something, it sometimes helps to ask for it. Not guaranteed you'll get it, but if you never ask, good odds you'll never know. I've done that initial (lol) "approach" before, I've asked guys out, and I've paid at times (for myself or for both of us) I've been the one to initiate transition to a sexual relationship. I've been accepted, I've been rejected. Things have gone well, things have gone poorly. C'est la vie.
I think gazzaa2 sounds bitter about stereotypical expectations and seems quick to blame women. On that we probably agree. That's my take on his comment, anyway, and it doesn't help him or anyone else. However, I think he has a point, and that's that the consequences are different for men who don't ask, as opposed to women who don't, assuming that dating has value. Not asking doesn't always mean a man won't date, but it's the more likely outcome for many men. Worked that way for me.
And then there's having your manhood questioned when you behave in a particular way, or fail to. That's a bonus that never gets old. That was part of the context gazzaa2 was commenting in. I want to be clear that I know you don't sign on to that outlook, but it's out there and it stings, especially when you're young.
I am still on the dating market, but lately I've been meeting a lot of women over 40 or in their 50s that "closed up shop" in the dating arena altogether.... Basically, men are still pursuant of women usually no matter what age, while women are starting to be content with their friends, family, kids, and other hobbies.
As someone would like to get married again someday, it's not exactly like that. From what I can tell many men in this age have "closed up shop" too, at least for marriage. They cite a plethora of reasons (none of which I care about).
Content is a very strong word. These women are likely content for a lot of reasons. I've met women who were married and divorced, they licked their wounds, and then they went on living their lives and ultimately meeting someone else. I've also met women that their divorce or their failed relationships became their identities. Instead of becoming a better person, they blame their current life outcome on their ex husband or ex boyfriends. Life is never completely rosy and carefree; however, you can get a good balance of the good and the bad.
Well said. That's exactly right.
Quote:
I've found that most people can mess up a good thing, because they're too fixated on what their ex did to them in the past. I was a victim of this much of my 20s. My ex did nothing wrong, but I found myself entirely too fixated on how I wasn't a better boyfriend while we were together. Well, that bled over into women that I was trying to see in my 20s and it caused problems. You have to recognize what your faults are and grow from them. If you're not willing to grow and continue living in the past, then you can't expect your life to bear any fruit.
Also well said. I hate when I see this happening (and it's so obvious). I feel like saying "Let it go, and let yourself flourish!"
Dating is and can be quite difficult. As we grow older, our priorities change, and what we want and desire out of another human being has likely changed as well.
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