How to let her down gently and am I shallow? (husband, child)
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They are the result of the choice to have children, so a choice. You chose to have children. I'm sure it was a great choice and well worth it, but lets not pretend that it wasn't indeed a choice. Or, at a minimum, there was a good chance it would happen as it doesn't happen to everyone and I doubt many people consider that issue as it is well down the list of concerns when having a child (rightfully so). Yet, it is a choice.
LOL! Honey, I'm going to abort our baby just in case we divorce someday and the new guy doesn't like how I look naked. I hope that's OK.
It is highly unlikely you'll get in a car accident when you drive. There is a strong likelihood there will be effects on your body when you choose to procreate. Not at all comparable.
It was the first thing that popped into my mind. But honestly - nobody CHOOSES to have stretch marks or extra skin. You have to admit that you are being pretty silly about that. Most women actually slather on lotions and stuff to try their best to prevent it. But really - it's about genetics. I don't think blaming women for having stretch marks and extra skin is productive or, well, nice at all. It's shaming women for the way their bodies reacted to having children. And then telling them - well you chose to have children so it's really your fault! It just doesn't make sense to me. I have a feeling you would see this if you had a wife who had your children.
You're in the same spot OP, as a 30 year old who has never had any type of serious commitment. No marriage and no kids says a lot about what you are about at 40. Nothing wrong with taking this path, because I may end up on this path in ten years, but women do view us by age milestones. Like you said, you dated a lot of what you considered "hot women", but for some reason none of these situations materialized into anything long-term. You said dated, not relationship.
If you're chasing the perfect body, then you are basically looking for a woman that's just as self absorbed as you. There's nothing wrong with being self absorbed, if you accept the consequences of it. The problem is, as self absorbed as you are, if you date someone just like you, they are going to be just as self absorbed as you are too. You both are going to always be on guard monitoring your own flaws and their flaws as well. Who wants to be in a relationship where they feel they are always under the bright lights, and not collecting a lot of money or free swag?
If I'm getting paid to be fit, like a celebrity, then you can scrutinize my body all you want. If we are both just your "typical" human, then GTFO if you are going to judge my body. If I want to eat two servings of ice cream and I work out every day, I don't want be doucebag girlfriend or boyfriend monitoring what I eat.
I totally understand why you want her to be fit, but at 40, and you're still chasing for that perfect body, I have a feeling you will be in this same situation at 45, 50, 55, 60...... Well, you get the idea.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
It was the first thing that popped into my mind. But honestly - nobody CHOOSES to have stretch marks or extra skin. You have to admit that you are being pretty silly about that. Most women actually slather on lotions and stuff to try their best to prevent it. But really - it's about genetics. I don't think blaming women for having stretch marks and extra skin is productive or, well, nice at all. It's shaming women for the way their bodies reacted to having children. And then telling them - well you chose to have children so it's really your fault! It just doesn't make sense to me. I have a feeling you would see this if you had a wife who had your children.
Hey, stretch marks aren't an issue to me. They are to some people. I'm just under no illusion that they aren't a choice since child bearing is a choice. I'm not "blaming" anyone, they exist, and come from a choice, that is just stating the obvious. There are lots of situations like that in life. Own your decision and don't get bitter if someone doesn't want you because of it.
I'm bald. Shaving it since I was 23 or 24. Lots of women hate bald guys. They want a full head of hair. It was a choice at that time, but now isn't (well how clean it is shaven is), but would I "blame" someone for rejecting me because I don't have a full head of hair? No, of course not. It happened plenty of times. Would I blame them if I'm not big enough for them? Nope (clearly not a thing I control). Would I get pissy or defensive if they reject me when I took my shirt off and saw a full chest of hair? Nope. Could I control that, yup... it is just preferences. Some we choose (my shaving my head at 23 or not shaving my chest now), some we don't. Does it really matter?
Not in the end.
And would I care differently about it if they were my kids? Well, probably, but we would have been married for some time before that, it wouldn't be date three. Huge difference. Thankfully I'm wise enough not to procreate.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,058,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
LOL! Honey, I'm going to abort our baby just in case we divorce someday and the new guy doesn't like how I look naked. I hope that's OK.
You could just not get pregnant. Or, just own your choices. Some women choose not to have kids for a myriad of reasons, including not wanting to go through pregnancy and the results. That is a valid choice. Others really want to experience pregnancy, and equally valid choice.
You could just not get pregnant. Or, just own your choices. Some women choose not to have kids for a myriad of reasons, including not wanting to go through pregnancy and the results. That is a valid choice. Others really want to experience pregnancy, and equally valid choice.
Honey, have you seen the keys to the Delorean? I want to go back in time and skip the pregnancy so I can just not have these stretch marks after all.
I know a lady that had natural birth and didn't like what it did to her body. Refused to have another child naturally and they agreed to adopt their second child. Even some women who thought they would like pregnancy, found out they hated it.
Maybe it's just me, but this seems like nitpicking. It wasn't like the OP listed 4 cons and 1 pro. He listed 4 pros and 1 con. I would be much more interested in trying to see what's there when there's that many positives to work with compared to cons. Even more so when the con is a little stomach fat, not a 300 lb woman who's 5' nothing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,058,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I'm saying that at this point--
positing "you could just not get pregnant" makes zero sense.
You made decision to get to that point. You could abort at that point. Totally your decision.
If I get a big tattoo across my chest (one that realistically can't be removed without drastic expense and work) and I meet a girl, take my shirt off when we get to that point, and she HATES tattoos. Would you criticize her for not wanting to sleep with me if she liked me mentally, emotionally, and chemistry wise?
I wouldn't. I made that choice. That choice has consequences. She wasn't happy with how I am physically. The end.
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