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If he is fit himself, is there anything wrong with expecting that?
Now, if there is a double standard, that is delusional.
Are we back to needing to match?
There are plenty of women who give birth and it doesn't matter how much they exercise, that tummy flap of skin won't go away.
I get that a person who is in shape doesn't want to date an unhealthy/overweight person, but the OP would have noticed that. I think it is petty to discard a great woman over a fold of skin on her abdomen.
Gotcha. Having children is totally within someones control. And both men and women (with very rare exceptions) can lose weight and get in shape.
I had no control over whether I got stretch marks. Those are permanent scars, not something that disappears or can be exercised away, and they are mostly hereditary. Scars don't have the elasticity of normal skin. I was underweight before having my first child, who was 9 lbs 9 oz and 19.5 inches long. She was a CHUNK and permanently effed up my abdomen. No matter how slim I get, I will never be rid of these scars or the way my skin was affected.
You don't deserve her as you can't obviously give her good qualities enough weight in your own mind to surpass the negative. Shallow? Absolutely. Di*k move? Absolutely. And when it all said and done, hopefully you're not left kicking yourself for letting what seems like a great catch get away because you can't get over a physical flaw that is a result of having children. Why'd you even waste her time to begin with?
Call her, tell her that it wouldn't be fair to her for you two to continue dating as you are not capable of being the man she deserves in her life. Wish her well.
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Originally Posted by timberline742
Oh it doesn't always. Sometimes it does.
But yeah, get out. Maybe shallow, but we all in some ways, but not a dick move... what would be a dick move is you sleeping with her now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you
Doesn't matter what you say or do she's gonna see through it as she is the problem. She may not have a great body as you put it but unless she's missing her brain she's gonna see through your
I'm not good enough
It's me not you
Or any other excuse you make up
You're gonna hurt her feelings.
And yes you are pretty shallow. After a while even a woman with a great body starts sagging. The companionship, friendship love and caring goes beyond a pretty ass boobies or face.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
Yeah, you're kind of shallow.
Not because you desire women with super-fit bodies (most all men do), but because you put your desire for a super-fit body above all other considerations. You profess great admiration for this woman. You say how sweet and wonderful she is. You even say even tell she looks great in a skirt and is "as cute as a button." But, apparently, that's good enough for you. What matters to you most is getting a woman with a super-fit body. That's the one thing you won't compromise on.
Don't try to let her down easy. When people say, "I want to let her down easy," what they really mean is, "I don't want to deal with her grief." Be a man. Accept that you are going to devastate this woman no matter how hard you try not to. Do it quickly, honestly and then get out of her life. If she has all the wonderful qualities you say she has, she will forget you and find someone who will accept her as is soon enough.
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Originally Posted by Rakin
Why would there be a 4th date ?
Be a man. Yes, you're being a shallow wimp.
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Yeah, it's shallow, but it is what it is, and if you just exit the situation without sharing the specifics of why it's not for you, you're at least allowing her to keep her dignity, and that's something. There's no reason to hurt someone over what's just a (yeah, shallow) personal taste thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you
No he can break up with her if not attracted. I would too. But he became not attracted to her only AFTER he saw her body. Don't make bs excuses. Unless she is just brain dead she is gonna see through it. It seems that the ONLY thing he is not attracted to about her is she is not a perfect body woman. You can go find. The hottest tightest fittest woman and eventually she will sag. Especially after a few kids. No body stays perfect
I didn't check the rest of the thread, but I'm positive every person I quoted above has rejected and/or has their own their own "preferences" in who they'd like to date. So this guy is shallow, but women wanting a tall man with a well-paying career isn't (I don't believe it is)? I'm sure you all would just say "It's just a preference."
Women cannot control everything that having a child does to their body. They can lose the weight and stay in shape - but you can't control what your SKIN does after you have a baby. That's up to your genetics. Some women don't get stretch marks. Some do. Some don't have stretch marks but are left with extra skin that just won't go back. It happens. There's really nothing you can do about it.
But all that is neither here nor there. The OP has a problem with it and so all the rest doesn't really matter. Whether or not the OP is shallow doesn't really matter either. It is what it is. Also - let me say this. She didn't have the OP's children. I think that makes a HUGE difference. A husband who is in love with his wife probably isn't going to mind her having stretch marks or extra skin on her tummy after she has given birth to his children. But the OP isn't in love with this woman and she didn't give birth to his children. And like I said before, I wouldn't want to be with someone that wasn't totally attracted to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,120,090 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I had no control over whether I got stretch marks. Those are permanent scars, not something that disappears or can be exercised away, and they are mostly hereditary. Scars don't have the elasticity of normal skin. I was underweight before having my first child, who was 9 lbs 9 oz and 19.5 inches long. She was a CHUNK and permanently effed up my abdomen. No matter how slim I get, I will never be rid of these scars or the way my skin was affected.
They are the result of the choice to have children, so a choice. You chose to have children. I'm sure it was a great choice and well worth it, but lets not pretend that it wasn't indeed a choice. Or, at a minimum, there was a good chance it would happen as it doesn't happen to everyone and I doubt many people consider that issue as it is well down the list of concerns when having a child (rightfully so). Yet, it is a choice.
They are the result of the choice to have children, so a choice. You chose to have children. I'm sure it was a great choice and well worth it, but lets not pretend that it wasn't indeed a choice.
Well, now you're just being silly. That's like saying that it was your choice to get into a car accident because it was your choice to drive to work. It might be a choice to have children but nobody chooses to get stretch marks - although they are a possibility just as a car accident is a possibility when you choose to drive.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,120,090 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Well, now you're just being silly. That's like saying that it was your choice to get into a car accident because it was your choice to drive to work. It might be a choice to have children but nobody chooses to get stretch marks - although they are a possibility just as a car accident is a possibility when you choose to drive.
It is highly unlikely you'll get in a car accident when you drive. There is a strong likelihood there will be effects on your body when you choose to procreate. Not at all comparable.
In addition, it is very hard to avoid driving or being a passenger in a car. It is very easy to avoid procreating.
I didn't check the rest of the thread, but I'm positive every person I quoted above has rejected and/or has their own their own "preferences" in who they'd like to date. So this guy is shallow, but women wanting a tall man with a well-paying career isn't (I don't believe it is)? I'm sure you all would just say "It's just a preference."
I agree that if a man is short and a woman rejects him based on that, it's shallow. I never thought I would be attracted to someone short, however, I fell in love with a short pudgy guy. He was intelligent, witty and very loving.
Now the well-paying career preference is not exactly shallow. A woman does like to be provided for, and if considering starting a family, she will need to stay home and bring up his kids. It's hard to do those things with a man who has no aspirations monetarily. However, this is not set in stone either, as a man can become successful with the support of a good wife. I met my husband before he was successful, and I fell in love with him in spite of him being broke (he is tall, handsome, loving, confident, outgoing...bla bla bla)
The same thing can happen for the OP. If he likes her for her personality and wit, and is good to her, she will want to trim up and look good for him over time, it will happen naturally. It's just not a reason to dump someone right off the bat, especially if you're able to connect in nonphysical ways.
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