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It's over. Move on. If your sig other can't turn the phone off and be with you during the night, then they are just being selfish . Why torture yourself any longer with this situation? Sounds to me like she is just waiting for you to make the call on the relationship.
I 100% agree. As sad as it is, I dont know if she is doing that anymore, and thats not even the current problem (the over a year of her not being physical with me). I guess if all this has been going on throughout our relationship, it should be a red flag of what heartache can or will come. I cant make her happy and be tortured with everything else.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. In all honesty, after she lied to me those few times, I just stopped inquiring or looking for those things anymore. I just couldn't take it again if she was lieing to me. That was my first mistake. But now that she has ceased most sexual contact with me for over a year - In which I have been very communicative with her, but with no response on her end. I know its time. As you said, after lieing to someones face three times and still being with them, I guess I gave her the free pass to feel like she could get away with anything.
Just out of curiosity...is she on any type of hormonal birth control?
Just out of curiosity...is she on any type of hormonal birth control?
No, shes not on any birth control. That was one of the first things I asked, if everything was ok on her end, physically/emotionally. But she wont or cant give me an answer as to why we only sleep together once a month, or why she shows no interest...so I've just been floating here for over a year and coming to my own conclusions. She says she wants me, finds me attractive etc etc. yet her actions dont follow her words...so I cant figure it out
Honestly, I'm going to end it. I came here to see if I was crazy for feeling the way I did. As the things I was clearly seeing, she either thought were not a big deal or not a deal at all. So as time went on, I began to question myself - "Maybe I was the weird one". The fact that my stomach has been a mess for two months, and after over a year of waiting getting nowhere - I began to shut it down emotionally. Magically my stomach began to feel better, and than I came here. I can see now that I'm not crazy and clearly there are many others who see these issues too.
I'm just sad I waited so long and had my confidence get trashed in the process. But the trust in her to do anything from her past lies, especially now - its non existant. Even if she somehow tried to persuade me she understands where I'm coming from; its a problem it had to get this far for her to act. So lies, no physical intimacy and having things get the worst before she makes a move...thats just a combo Im not willing to deal with. I just wish she never gave me all those snuggly, I love you type things (as lame as that sounds) all the time. It just added to my confusion and doubt, and thats something I guess I'll never fully understand. I have to be fine with that though. But I'm pretty much disconnected emotionally just to be sane...I just have to do the deed of making it official now. What a holiday
She may be one of those love addicts who need the thrill of infatuations. She may have been infatuated with you at first. She doesn't really want to leave the relationship you have but she needs the newness and fantasy that go with infatuation so she has the cyber romance going on.
Thank you for the words of encouragement, really means a lot! I agree, I know I did everything I could, I really tried to not leave any page unturned in this relationship. Things just never worked out
Well, you know it wasn't for lack of trying. Your conscience should be clear on that count.
You're a good guy. When you are ready to get back out there in the dating world, you won't stay single long if you're looking for a steady relationship.
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She may be one of those love addicts who need the thrill of infatuations. She may have been infatuated with you at first. She doesn't really want to leave the relationship you have but she needs the newness and fantasy that go with infatuation so she has the cyber romance going on.
She may not be capable of real committment.
This is a very likely scenario.
I think that being comfortable also plays a part. She's comfortable with the OP now and not likely to want to make a big change, like moving out.
Still, you cannot phone in a live-in relationship. You are either there mentally, emotionally, and physically... or you're not.
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I cant say I read every post but most of them. I hope you are ending this relationship and moving on. It will be hard....but I am almost certain that it isn't going to get better. The longer you stay the harder the breakup will be.
I hope you don't decide to give it another chance regardless of what she says......this relationship is over and shouldn't even be attempted to be revived. Hopefully you can extricate yourself without it turning ugly. I haven't heard you say anything even slightly that depreciates her. Talk to her...but not about how to make it better....about how to bring it to a graceful non-injurious end. Don't go for.....we can still be friends.....not really. Friends are a minimum honest with one another and she hasn't been and isn't. You cant trust her. Not only is she not your "girlfriend" or "lover".....she isn't a friend. Friends don't hurt the friend over and over and over for years and years.
She may be one of those love addicts who need the thrill of infatuations. She may have been infatuated with you at first. She doesn't really want to leave the relationship you have but she needs the newness and fantasy that go with infatuation so she has the cyber romance going on.
She may not be capable of real committment.
I appreciate the feedback, you have no idea. Its just so confusing to me, to get snuggles, and I love you's and her saying that she's attracted to me - yet no actual physical relationship. It confusing because usually when sex drops off - so does everything else. So the confusion was mind numbing, constantly had me second guessing "well she does snuggle me, say she loves me etc." But I guess this could also be a reason. I just will never truly know
I appreciate the feedback, you have no idea. Its just so confusing to me, to get snuggles, and I love you's and her saying that she's attracted to me - yet no actual physical relationship. It confusing because usually when sex drops off - so does everything else. So the confusion was mind numbing, constantly had me second guessing "well she does snuggle me, say she loves me etc." But I guess this could also be a reason. I just will never truly know
oooh, I get this. All the snuggling and affection, but without the big payoff. So it's hard to tear yourself away.
At this point, OP, you may find it helpful to see a counselor who specializes in couples stuff, to help you gain the clarity and the resolve you need to bite the bullet and do what you need to do. We've been giving you good suggestions, but I sense you're having trouble tearing yourself away from her and following through with your plan. Maybe a few sessions with a professional would help you get there....?
But again, just to review--it's not just the lack of sex that's the problem. Remember, it's the texting another guy at 1 a.m., and the chronic lying that's just as much of a problem as the lack of sex. Remember those 3 things: the guy (evidence of an emotional affair, possibly a physical one), the lying (TOTAL disrepect for you, I'd call it indifference to you), AND the once-a-month plan she has you on. MORE than enough grounds to call it quits.
Write it down. Write down how those things make you feel. Put all you emotions down on paper, then tear it up or burn it. But do it as an exercise to help you get clarity and resolve.
Cuddles aren't enough to make up for an affair (!!) and constant lying! You're tending to gloss over that. How can she be all lovey-dovey with you when she's texting another guy in the wee hours of the night? ASK HER! Make a list of points to raise with her, and stand firm!
I think that being comfortable also plays a part. She's comfortable with the OP now and not likely to want to make a big change, like moving out.
Still, you cannot phone in a live-in relationship. You are either there mentally, emotionally, and physically... or you're not.
Thank you for your feedback, its nice to have some conversation as I've been sitting silent with this (aside form speaking with her) for over a year. As I wrote above, the confusion of her mixed signals is what I think held me here. I couldnt wrap my head around her saying nice things or minor forms of affection yet withholding herself sexually from me, when that was not an issue before. But you're right, she's either in it, or she isn't. And even though I cant get closure, I have to deal with the fact that shes not in it fully, not the reasons as to why
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