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I am dating a single mom of 4 kids. I told her that I wouldn't marry someone who has 4 kids who are not mine. But there were many people online who were upset, although I was honest and told her that I didn't want to marry someone who has 4 kids from someone else. The responses I received online made me feel guilty about all this.
If you don't mind me asking, why did you marry the person you were with? Why did you feel it was a mistake? Did you feel like you owed it to her to marry her since you dated her for a long time?
Dude, as other people have already told you, if you are unable to understand that by marrying this woman you are therefore assuming a role in their lives and it BOTHERS you this much then you need to let it be and let it go. Who cares, if people are angry with you for not marrying a single mom with 4 children. You know that it bothers you that she has 4 kids that are not yours, and you know the implications financially and emotionally if you were to marry her... Why is this still something you post about? Do yourself a favor and move on(it will be a favor to her as well).
Dude, as other people have already told you, if you are unable to understand that by marrying this woman you are therefore assuming a role in their lives and it BOTHERS you this much then you need to let it be and let it go. Who cares, if people are angry with you for not marrying a single mom with 4 children. You know that it bothers you that she has 4 kids that are not yours, and you know the implications financially and emotionally if you were to marry her... Why is this still something you post about? Do yourself a favor and move on(it will be a favor to her as well).
I enjoy meeting my girlfriend and the kids. I just had breakfast with my girlfriend and 3 of the kids last weekend. I don't have a problem with being around them. If that was the case, I wouldn't have been in the relationship this long!
First, I'm not a "baby mama," but I am a full-grown mother.
I'm engaged to a great man who happens to have no kids, but he's great with my children. Their own father is still in their lives, but I divorced him because of reoccurring infidelity. He and I have both moved on, parent together, and he recently congratulated me on the engagement and expressed his approval.
Now to answer your question about this phenomenon.... This is not always the case, but since I've become a mother I've become less selfish. Less materialistic, and wiser. I've experienced more, and my capavity for love has grown exponentially. The smart and kind children I have are also a reflection of me.., and a man looking to have children, consciously or even subconscious, is going to pick up on these characteristics and choose them over a woman who defines that very woman as "baby mama." Which is a trashy, impolite, and uncaring way to speak.
First, I'm not a "baby mama." I'm a full-grown mother. I divorced for repeated infidelity, but their dad is still active in their lives.
I'm engaged to a man who happens to have no children, but he's not with me because of attachments to my children or the desire to fill some role for them. Believe it or not, he is with me because he loves me.
To answer your question about this "phenomenon," and this isn't always the case, but in mine... When I became a mother I grew a bigger heart. I became less selfish. I stopped saying things like"baby mama." I never actually said trashy things like that to begin with, but I did become a better and more lovable person.
Let me qualify baby mamas as women with kids who have never been married.
My fiance and I have been to several weddings this year and all of them have been men with no kids marrying baby mamas.
Have you noticed this "trend"? Is there a shift happening now? Also two of my good girlfriends from college have had men whom they dated for a long time, break up with them to date and marry women with children. Are women without kids no longer desirable?
My fiance told me that maybe the men get attached to the kids and feel obligated to continue to date and marry the mom and help raise her kids?
Can I get some insight/feedback?
No, this is not a trend.
For me to date a woman with kids, she would have to be exceptional in many ways. Even then, I'd be iffy about it.
Ok then, my bad! In the meantime I am a social abomination for not expecting/accepting out of wedlock babies. My bad I apologise! Meanwhile CD male fonts, please go ahead & knock up a woman who already has 4 kids out of wedlock, heck so she can have 5 OOW kids! its the decent thing to do!
And after apologizing because I realised how out of line I was, I will go on with my life! I hope you accept my apology. Meantime I was wrong, apologized & now I'm out I hope you are happy.
I don't think this is a trend and in some ways I think your trivializing being a single mother as if its some novelty that helps you attract a man. Gimme a break, most single moms would probably tell you more often than not they have guys who won't get serious with them because they dont want a ready made family and responsibility and most people want kids of their own not someone elses kids and all the potential drama that can come along with that.
I think there's no denying there's many more single mothers now than 10 or 20 years ago and probably less of a stigma where as in the past maybe single mothers would have done a courthouse ceremony and not a full out wedding but I definately do not think this is a huge new trend,
My college boyfriend is engaged to a girl with a 4 year old, the girl is around my age, 27. His father passed away when he was young and he was raised by a step father. I think he likes being to this little boy what his step father (always called him dad, never knew anyone else) was to him. This is probably 1% of the cases, but it's still out there.
Hardly, my stepdad was like that.
As far as the title of the topic. I recently dated a woman who referred to her children's father as a 'Baby daddy' I cringed I do use that term but it is reserved for the most irresponsible of people out there.
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I do use that term but it is reserved for the most irresponsible of people out there.
