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And sometimes, I would prefer to sit and do something that others would label "perpetual adolescence". If she has a problem with it, there's 3+ billion other guys out there.
I don't think it has to do with just video games, rather the whole lifestyle. No interest in doing much careerwise, relationshipwise, would rather hang with bros, no real thought to the future. I mean, they probably have a job, but they are not driven to succeed at it in any way. Ambition is a bit of a foreign concept. Sometimes they have not even left home or are still in college finding themselves having really never left. I know quite a few guys like this way into their 30s. This isn't really something I get judgmental about because it is a complicated issue. I know for a fact not all the men living this way are happy with it, more resigned to it than anything else.
A lot of women like to say things like this, I think because they get most of the benefits out of dating/relating. So you're saying, if the relationship was a net loss for you, you'd stay in it because you just like making another person happy?
BS.
I've always pulled my weight, and never been even close to reciprocated. I don't understand why it bothers you so that some men don't wish to live their lives in service of women.
(Inbefore: you must date the wrong women blah blah blah I'm perfect and blah blah blah.)
I mean, I try to think of one thing that a woman, ANY woman, could bring to my life that I am not capable of doing better by myself. Sex, that's it, and a lot of times that even is only marginally better than flying solo. Add in all the negatives and it's not even a difficult calculation.
I'm curious how I get most of the 'benefits' with dating? I've always paid my own way (yes, even in my current relationship) and when I sit and think about it, being in a relationship is WAY more work than being single. Being single is easy.
It doesn't bother me at all that some men don't wish to live their lives in 'service' of women, but for some guys even the thought of doing ANYTHING that doesn't directly benefit themselves is unacceptable. They refuse to go out of their way at all to do anything for another person if they don't immediately get something in return...like the guys who say they deserve sex because they paid $15 for dinner.
The bolded actually says a lot about your attitude towards women... in the few months I've been with my bf I have learned so much and had so many amazing experiences that were made better because I was able to share them with someone else. Could I have done all of those things by myself? Sure! But I'm pretty happy I had him with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
OMB has a point, and that subconscious "what do I get out of it?" mindset exists for many men, including myself. JetJockey is countering with (paraphrasing) "some people don't need to get something out of it, they do it because they like making someone else happy". But that's still "getting something out of it"...i.e. the pleasure of making someone else happy. She says it twice above.
You can argue that it's more altruisitic to get pleasure from pleasing others than it is to do things for your own benefit, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, you do things that please you. Maybe pleasing others is what pleases you. Maybe playing video games pleases you. But OMB's point still holds: If it's not worth my time, I'm not going to do it. And I can't speak for all men, but for me personally, many women are making things less and less worth my time. That's not to say I don't do anything for other people; of course I do. And I enjoy it. SOMETIMES. And sometimes, I would prefer to sit and do something that others would label "perpetual adolescence". If she has a problem with it, there's 3+ billion other guys out there.
My bf is an avid LoL player so believe me, he has plenty of 'alone time' to indulge in his adolescent behaviors
As for it being worth my time, I enjoy his company and that's enough for me. I don't expect anything more than that from him and anything on top of just spending time together is icing on the cake. Now, if it became miserable to spend time together, obviously we would break it off. Perhaps I just have low expectations, perhaps that's what I'm 'getting' out of the relationship. If you want to be ridiculously technical (which, you probably are), then yes, I get companionship out of my relationship and the minute we didn't enjoy being around one another we would go our separate ways.
I'm curious how I get most of the 'benefits' with dating? I've always paid my own way (yes, even in my current relationship) and when I sit and think about it, being in a relationship is WAY more work than being single. Being single is easy.
It doesn't bother me at all that some men don't wish to live their lives in 'service' of women, but for some guys even the thought of doing ANYTHING that doesn't directly benefit themselves is unacceptable. They refuse to go out of their way at all to do anything for another person if they don't immediately get something in return...like the guys who say they deserve sex because they paid $15 for dinner.
The bolded actually says a lot about your attitude towards women... in the few months I've been with my bf I have learned so much and had so many amazing experiences that were made better because I was able to share them with someone else. Could I have done all of those things by myself? Sure! But I'm pretty happy I had him with me.
My bf is an avid LoL player so believe me, he has plenty of 'alone time' to indulge in his adolescent behaviors
As for it being worth my time, I enjoy his company and that's enough for me. I don't expect anything more than that from him and anything on top of just spending time together is icing on the cake. Now, if it became miserable to spend time together, obviously we would break it off. Perhaps I just have low expectations, perhaps that's what I'm 'getting' out of the relationship. If you want to be ridiculously technical (which, you probably are), then yes, I get companionship out of my relationship and the minute we didn't enjoy being around one another we would go our separate ways.
Regarding the bolded, you are a rare woman, indeed. And good on your BF for picking a winner! What you quoted from me doesn't really say anything about my opinion of women, it just is what it is. There is nothing that a woman can do for me, that I can't do better by myself. Period. Add in all the crap that comes along with dating, especially with the way most (not all) women are these days, it's a no brainer.
And I'm not one of the guys that won't do anything that doesn't benefit me. Although, I don't disparage those guys either. Couple of examples: I race stock cars and have become a fairly talented, self-taught mechanic. I work on my friends/family's vehicles all the time without expecting anything in return. My dad and I also heat both of our respective homes almost 100% with wood. As my dad has gotten older and is not so physically stout as he used to be, I do all of his firewood in addition to my own.
We see this over and over, here, but where does it come from? The internet is full of accurate information, in addition to all the inaccurate stuff.
Why are so many young men unable to discern the difference? Why are they unable to absorb and process the info they get in this forum from real women, for example?
I started to type up a list of examples, but I'm sure you all know the stuff I'm referring to .
What makes the truth so difficult?
Because Feminism and Liberalism have created gender confusion and young men don't even know how to embrace their own sexuality let alone understand female sexuality.
Because Feminism and Liberalism have created gender confusion and young men don't even know how to embrace their own sexuality let alone understand female sexuality.
Ridiculous. Men are happy to finally have an alternative to the Marlboro Man as a role model. It seems to be the guys who stick to the macho stereotype who have the most trouble relating to women. The world has evolved, and left them behind.
If everyone worked to have a healthy attitude toward the other sex, and they, themselves, had confidence and self esteem before going in to a relationship, would half of the stuff on this thread be relevant? I mean, I see so much on this forum as reasons to carry acceptable hostility toward the opposite sex. False expectations. Ridiculous beliefs.
Man or woman, I don't think most are out there trying to get over one another when they feel good as who they are as a person.
Man or woman, If your head isn't right for you, then trying to have a relationship on any level becomes a truly selfish act. That's ok if you are honest about it, but most people can't be honest, even with themselves. So excuses, reasonable doubt, skewed statistics, any excuse to make the one's who can't be honest or suffer from lower self esteem, feel justified in their actions. Since the latter seems to be the greater number of people in society. This mindset becomes the norm and is perpetuated before we even realize we are absorbing these stereotypes from a very young age.
Just curious; What came first, crappy self esteem or relationships?
I'd say self-esteem because not everything about a person's sense of self-worth is connected to whether or not they are dating.
Regarding the bolded, you are a rare woman, indeed. And good on your BF for picking a winner! What you quoted from me doesn't really say anything about my opinion of women, it just is what it is. There is nothing that a woman can do for me, that I can't do better by myself. Period. Add in all the crap that comes along with dating, especially with the way most (not all) women are these days, it's a no brainer.
And I'm not one of the guys that won't do anything that doesn't benefit me. Although, I don't disparage those guys either. Couple of examples: I race stock cars and have become a fairly talented, self-taught mechanic. I work on my friends/family's vehicles all the time without expecting anything in return. My dad and I also heat both of our respective homes almost 100% with wood. As my dad has gotten older and is not so physically stout as he used to be, I do all of his firewood in addition to my own.
Don't worry, I remind him how lucky he is on a regular basis
Regardless, you're still speaking from a 'what can she do for me' mindset, which is generally not what I think about. I mean, I'm a certified A&P (aircraft mechanic) and have an engineering degree...I'm also a good seamstress, worked on cars my entire life, am a good cook and can do pretty much any household maintenance from electrician work to plumbing. Just because I can do all of those things on my own doesn't mean I want to be single and live like a hermit.
You also seem to have a very high opinion of yourself (not saying that's necessarily a bad thing) but to say a woman is in no way near your league of expertise in anything is a bit ridiculous. I can guarantee there are women out there who are better mechanics than you and there are likely many women who are more adept and better at things than you are. My guy grudgingly accepted that I am a WAY better writer than he is even though I'm an engineer (not exactly known for our written skills ) and he holds an MBA. I then proceeded to re-do his entire resume and he actually has an interview next week with a company he's wanted to work for for years, likely because of the cover letter and resume I helped him write.
We compliment each other very well and for that I'm very lucky.
Ridiculous. Men are happy to finally have an alternative to the Marlboro Man as a role model. It seems to be the guys who stick to the macho stereotype who have the most trouble relating to women. The world has evolved, and left them behind.
Those blue pills must taste good hey?
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