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You want me to stop being appreciative of my friends positive traits because one of them MIGHT be so insecure as to be hurt by what he thinks was a rejection?
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You know exactly what I'm talking about because I know you are an attractive woman and have almost never been rejected in your life.
Here is a little news flash. Of COURSE I have gotten rejected. What winds up defining a person's whole life view is how they allow the opinions, and actions of others to define oneself. Which I just don't.
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Part of being attractive is having many people into you that you will reject.
If you think that, then god bless you. Because I am not sure if that is merely mean, or actually sick.
Love is NOT a competitive sport.
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Are you saying that you refuse to tone down the really sugary compliments to men you have no interest in?
I don't know that I tend to make "flowery" compliments. I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings. But I really don't think that the vast majority of people on the planet need me to change my behavior to accommodate their insecurity. I just don't.
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If I looked like a male model and I told some pudgy short woman how awesome she was and how she makes me feel great, I just 'don't expect her to get the wrong idea'?
I mean, like I said before, I'm already past that point, it's not for me. But c'mon. Have a little heart.
You know exactly what I'm talking about because I know you are an attractive woman and have almost never been rejected in your life.
Part of being attractive is having many people into you that you will reject.
Are you saying that you refuse to tone down the really sugary compliments to men you have no interest in?
If I looked like a male model and I told some pudgy short woman how awesome she was and how she makes me feel great, I just 'don't expect her to get the wrong idea'?
I mean, like I said before, I'm already past that point, it's not for me. But c'mon. Have a little heart.
I agree with the OP: if we women toned down our compliments just a wee bit, we wouldn't mislead men. I understand that we all have to take responsibility for our emotions, blah, blah. But as a woman (when I was in the dating scene) I knew well what could mislead someone: allowing someone to buy me drinks, chatting, complimenting, laughing at jokes. Once I finally understood that, in fact, most guys were not out at bars to collect female friends, it became my policy to be more upfront and not waste a man's time. No phone number would be given out if I never intended to return the call, no compliments given (only to later have to explain to someone 'I don't feel the same way.' ) It became much, much easier.
Okay, so now for my gripe about the opposite sex - I'm going to break the rule here, because I don't think it's solvable: can men stop telling women that they love the 'natural' look when in fact, they strain their necks looking at women who are dolled up? I've seen this since I was a little girl (among family, cousins, friends).
Yeah, I think I'll continue to be polite and kind to nice people I come into contact with, even if I am running the risk of ruining their lives by making them think I am romantically interested when I am in fact not.
Me too.
Something is seriously wrong when a compliment is interpreted as "I want to have sex with you".
Something is seriously wrong when a compliment is interpreted as "I want to have sex with you".
There's a very, very strange idea going around that traits like being funny, smart, and awesome are attractive to another person.
Look. It's pretty obvious what I'm saying. I'm not telling women to never call a man smart, or funny. That'd be stupid.
There's a big difference between that and saying in a one on one moment with a man you are friends with but have no interest in "You know, you're just the coolest guy."
HUGE difference. If people don't care enough to not lead others on and hurt them, so be it.
Guys need to learn no means no and very first no is the last no.
Oh, for heaven's sake, this isn't ONLY a problem with men. I've known many women who thought they could run a guy to ground who was uninterested. Being oblivious and in denial to the fact that a person is not interested in you is not a trait that is the property of any one gender.
That's the whole problem with this thread, really...assigning various problematic behavior to an entire gender, rather than acknowledging that it crops up on a case-by-case basis, and that it happens across genders.
I've known men AND women who read signs wrong and assumed interest when there was none. I've known men AND women who can't take a hint (or a blatant explanation) that somebody is rejecting them, and doggedly hung on and kept getting kicked. These things aren't gender-specific. They're just not.
You're not going to hurt my feelings! Life is pretty fun, it'll continue to be weather you dig me or not! Nothing is more offending than a girl agreeing on a second or third date with you because she's afraid of hurting your feelings. This goes for both genders actually!
If I send a text or call and she doesn't respond I just move on to the next one then and there. Life is to short to be stuck in limbo. Women are afraid of hurting feelings, get used to it OP. In my opinion Men and Women really can't just be friends, unless it's your buddies wife or something like that. Even then they just like you because their husband or boyfriend does. They typically try to hook me up with their bat **** crazy friends.
I want to find a partner but I've got tons of other things going on that keep me happy!
Oh, for heaven's sake, this isn't ONLY a problem with men. I've known many women who thought they could run a guy to ground who was uninterested. Being oblivious and in denial to the fact that a person is not interested in you is not a trait that is the property of any one gender.
That's the whole problem with this thread, really...assigning various problematic behavior to an entire gender, rather than acknowledging that it crops up on a case-by-case basis, and that it happens across genders.
I've known men AND women who read signs wrong and assumed interest when there was none. I've known men AND women who can't take a hint (or a blatant explanation) that somebody is rejecting them, and doggedly hung on and kept getting kicked. These things aren't gender-specific. They're just not.
That's fine by me. I can live with that. And it's pretty obvious I do feel that way because I said if I were a hot guy, I'd have the same issue with women.
All I'm saying is don't kick somebody deeper in the hole by leading them on.
I don't have a complaint against men as a gender. I may have complaints regarding individual men's various behavior, but those are specific complaints against individuals and their behavior, regardless of gender.
This sums it up.
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