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Why have most people chastised the OP over this post? Yeesh. I had to get through about seven pages or so until the majority became about the actual topic.
Anyway, I'm with the consensus that you both are drifting apart. Twenty IS young and take it from me and everyone who has told you here; you both have a lot of maturing to do (regarding relationships). Not saying that because I know anything about your situation, but just from knowing people in their teens/twenties and experiencing it myself.
The best thing is to just get it all out there. Communication is absolute key in any relationship. Not just bickering here and there. Find out if something is bothering her enough to where she's nitpicking everything you do, but doesn't have the heart/balls/whatever to bring up what's really wrong. Something is obviously bothering her.
As for the actual situation in the OP, to me it's highly inconsiderate to just come in and demand someone go out with you somewhere. She could have handled that situation a lot better. You did no wrong, IMO. My wife would never dream of doing that to me, nor me to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanmitchell
So if I tighten up my life a little will she then think " Wow he's adjusting for me, maybe I could adjust for him and chill a little bit"? Maybe if I stop giving into her every whim she won't nag as much. I don't think we need to break up or anything like that, I just need to come out and say it " Look, if I'm going to tighten my strings, please loosen yours, don't get on me when I drink. If its a Monday and I miss class because I'm passed out on the front lawn next to a Jack Daniel's bottle, then yeah, lecture me, but if its Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, and I've only had 2 all day, no lectures. Please learn to relax a little."
You're just asking for a fight putting things like that. You don't want to play games in a relationship. This is what I mean by you guys need some maturity before you get really serious. Just ask her if something you're doing is making her unhappy, then the details will progress from there. Don't turn it into a me versus you thing. Work together and find a solution and/or compromise.
I’m 20, my GF is 20, we’re 8 years in( some say 12yo can't date lol). We both live in Southern California, almost on the beach. We both did well in high school. I don’t know what I want to do so I’m at the community college to get general education stuff out of the way, then I’ll weigh my options. She is going to CSU-Long Beach, about 30 min. away, she lives at home as do I. We have very different work ethics. She gets it done right away( the day its assigned is the day she does it). I do my work a day or two before its due. I’m young and I like to have a good time( I drink, no smoking no drugs). She doesn’t drink at all( personal choice) and hates it when I do. Yesterday, I was laying in my hammock in the backyard and she came out.
Me: Hola
Her: Hey sweetie. Can we go to that new place out by the movie theater?
Me: right now?( I’m shirtless with a swimsuit on. In my hand is a glass of rum and coke. 20 is close enough to 21 in my book( and my parents’ book). Within arms reach is more rum and a 12 pack of coke.)
Her: Yeah, c’mon
Me: But I just poured this and I just put on sunscreen. How bout tonight? As for now, kick back with me, grab a bikini or whatever and join the R&R club.
Her: Ugh !!!
Me: Problem?
Her: Yeah, you, you’re so useless. Fine stay out here all day getting drunk as . Call me when you sober up.
Me: Yes ma’am.
I ended up taking her out to dinner at the place. Her first comment when I picked her up was “ well well Lt. Rum N’ Coke sobered up . It’s a miracle”. She seemed annoyed all night. Should I apologize or will she get over it? I wasn't even drunk though, I had 2 drinks. She does this with everything, fights me about schoolwork, how my bedroom looks, etc.
Honestly, leave her, she sounds like a controlling PITA! Who needs that? Life's too short, there are many women out there who will be much easier to deal with. I don't know how you have dealt with it that long? Eight years?? Was she always like this? Good god I have low tolerance for mean, controlling girls like this. It saps you of energy. You will be much better off without her. Trust me.
Don't worry about the haters. When I was your age, I drank during the day once in a while. It's called being a young person. I didn't turn out to be an alcoholic. There are a lot of generalizations that are put forth to easily on this site instead of just seeing things for exactly what they might be. In your case, not that big of a deal. You're young. Enjoy your life and live it the way you want to live it assuming you are not hurting anyone else.
So if I tighten up my life a little will she then think " Wow he's adjusting for me, maybe I could adjust for him and chill a little bit"? Maybe if I stop giving into her every whim she won't nag as much. I don't think we need to break up or anything like that, I just need to come out and say it " Look, if I'm going to tighten my strings, please loosen yours, don't get on me when I drink. If its a Monday and I miss class because I'm passed out on the front lawn next to a Jack Daniel's bottle, then yeah, lecture me, but if its Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, and I've only had 2 all day, no lectures. Please learn to relax a little."
You've gotta soft-pedal the message, bro, this isn't gonna fly. Something more open-ended, like, "Are we ok? Not ok? I've been getting a vibe that you think we're not ok. What's up with that?" But I tend to agree with some of the others--it sounds like that train left the station already a year ago, at least. Telling you to clean your room, and standing there to make you do it? Du-u-ude....
I asked her to come over so we could talk. I just wanted to sit in my room and put it all on the table. I admitted to her I was childish and that I promise to mature a bit. I told her the reason I’m so childish is my way to combat her strictness and if she were less tightly wound we would be a lot happier as a couple if we found a happy medium. I told her I missed how carefree we were when we were 15-16. Just for good measure I kissed her on the cheek. All I got was “ ok I’m glad we had this talk.” as a response. I don’t like the sound of that
I asked her to come over so we could talk. I just wanted to sit in my room and put it all on the table. I admitted to her I was childish and that I promise to mature a bit. I told her the reason I’m so childish is my way to combat her strictness and if she were less tightly wound we would be a lot happier as a couple if we found a happy medium. I told her I missed how carefree we were when we were 15-16. Just for good measure I kissed her on the cheek. All I got was “ ok I’m glad we had this talk.” as a response. I don’t like the sound of that
You do know you can't just "mature a bit" right? It takes life experience and lessons learned to mature, there is not a "I want to be mature now" switch that you flip on like a light.
You are childish because you are not mature and it really has little to do with her strictness.
If you pay attention to yourself you will probably find you are like this with just about everyone else as well.
You should have already moved on from this situation. It is very hard for those who determine when they are very young to stay together until they are very old. Hopefully you both mature, live somewhat different lives, have different experiences which ensures you grow apart, have different interests, set different goals but it does not mean you won't find each other again later in life. It also does not mean you cannot remain in contact and friends.
I asked her to come over so we could talk. I just wanted to sit in my room and put it all on the table. I admitted to her I was childish and that I promise to mature a bit. I told her the reason I’m so childish is my way to combat her strictness and if she were less tightly wound we would be a lot happier as a couple if we found a happy medium. I told her I missed how carefree we were when we were 15-16. Just for good measure I kissed her on the cheek. All I got was “ [/b]ok I’m glad we had this talk.” [/b]as a response. I don’t like the sound of that
Wow. That's too bad. You really tried, and she....didn't. There wasn't any "we" involved in the talk at all.
So, I guess now we know for sure she's not into good communication. Which is the cornerstone of a solid relationship, you know that, right? It seems like she's disinvested from the whole relationship.
Not a good sign. But maybe she'll get back to you, after thinking about it. Which could be good or bad.
I asked her to come over so we could talk. I just wanted to sit in my room and put it all on the table. I admitted to her I was childish and that I promise to mature a bit. I told her the reason I’m so childish is my way to combat her strictness and if she were less tightly wound we would be a lot happier as a couple if we found a happy medium. I told her I missed how carefree we were when we were 15-16. Just for good measure I kissed her on the cheek. All I got was “ ok I’m glad we had this talk.” as a response. I don’t like the sound of that
You need to learn to take responsibility for your behavior. I can see a dumping in your future from this young woman. Who the hel** wants to be with a man who blames his crap on her.
You need to learn to take responsibility for your behavior. I can see a dumping in your future from this young woman. Who the hel** wants to be with a man who blames his crap on her.
I do take responsibility. I admitted to being childish. She should shoulder some responsibility.
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