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I've been out of the dating scene for a while now and I'm just starting to get back in. Moved to a new city so it's kind of weird, and I'm trying to figure out WTF guys want!!
Guys on here are always saying that girls should initiate the conversation, but I have no idea how to do this. I'm so out of practice.
Example #1:
I'm at the local pharmacy. Just got done with a run so I'm sweaty, but I don't sweat a lot so I'm not super gross or anything. There's a cute guy at the counter waiting for the cashier to come up and ring him out. He smiles at me. I feel like an idiot because I'm 1.) buying blister bandages, which doesn't exactly scream "sexy." 2.) I have no idea if he is smiling at me because he thinks I'm cute, or if he is just being polite, or what.
So I just give a quick smile and look away and ignore him, because I am a moron.
Example #2:
I just get done with a class I'm taking. It's not the normal session I usually take, so there are people that I don't really know there. One of them is a guy who is pretty cute. On the walk home I end up standing next to him on the street corner. He's got his earbuds in so I say "Hey, it's you."
He takes his earbuds out and starts talking. Asks me where I'm going, and I say home. He asks if a certain theater is having shows that night, and I say I have no idea. He tells me he's on his way to work, and instead of saying something like "where do you work?" I just say "oh, cool." Finally he kind of gives up talking to me and crosses the street, and he reminds me of his name as he walks away. I don't know if I'm supposed to give him mine or just assume he is being cordial.
Again, because I am a moron.
Bottom line is, I'm not sure if these guys want to be approached or if I'm misreading signals. I don't want to be some creepy chick who hits on random dudes at the pharmacy or on the street corner, and I also assume that if they were really that into me they'd be the ones doing the chasing.
Am I right about this, or should I have tried a little harder?
Heh, it's like you are the female version of me.
Well, guys are a bit dense and there is every possibility that they were equally interested and just didn't get it or thought their minds were playing tricks on them or didn't realize it until later and believe it or not, women do almost always make the first move. The problem is that they are so subtle about it that it flies over our heads.
I'll tell you a story to illustrate this. A few months ago I was at a bar and I ended up talking to a very attractive college student. She was 22, had a great body, long black hair, piercing blue eyes, and had more than a passing resemblance to Katy Perry. She was the type of girl I normally wouldn't even think of approaching, but I didn't have to worry about that because she struck up a conversation with me after she asked to use my lighter to light her cigarette. We talked for about an hour or so. After about five minutes of small talk and finding out each others ages (I'm almost 30) and what I did for a living and what she studied, she asks me if I am out with my girlfriend and I tell her I don't have one and she responds with a laugh and "Oh, out on the prowl, huh?". She tells me that's cool and that she enjoys the single life as well. She then excused herself to go to the bathroom and get another drink. After a few minutes she returned with two drinks; one for her and she noticed what type of beer I was drinking and she brought me one without asking. We continue to talk and she tells me, "You're a lot more interesting than the guidos who usually pack this place". A bit later I excused myself to go to the bathroom and ended up bumping into some friends and I started talking to them and lost track of time. One of my female friends tells me, "Yeah, we spotted you earlier, but you were talking to this really gorgeous girl who seemed really into you and I didn't want us to ruin it for you" and I said, "What do mean she seemed really into..." and at that moment everything that happened hit me. She started the conversation, she continued the conversation, she asked if I was with my girlfriend to find out I was single without directly asking it, she pointed out that she was single, she left our conversation and had every opportunity to "escape" but came back to talk to me some more, she bought me a drink, she told me I was more interesting than any of the guys at the bar, and so on. Oh s--t, she was into me! I just left a girl who completely out of my league and was really interested to hang out with my friends... Ugh!
Guys are stupid.
Now, I am going to go on a bit of a rhetorical rant here.
The problem is that men and women constantly miss and misread each others signals. We you consider all the crazy bulls--t we do to ourselves and each other over trying to find a mate I sometimes wonder how the human race still exists.
I am not ruling out myself here either. When talking with women I have pretended to be completely fascinated by conversations that I have absolutely no interest in and I have pretended to be bored or uninterested in sometimes really good stories or topics. Why? Because I'm trying to make them think I care about the inane crap they are talking about while I am trying not to show that I am enthralled by the actual interesting stuff she is telling me. I know. Cukoo!
I think it is because so many indicators of interest are subtle and many overlap with merely friendly gestures. Sure there are some are pretty spot on, but they are rare. If you are the neurotic type (I know I am and you seem to be); you can lose your f--king mind analyzing and replaying stuff in your head: "Was that smile merely polite, friendly, or a sign of attraction? Well, there were creases around the eyes and that is hard to fake, so it was genuine, but was it genuinely friendly or was it it genuinely interested?" This can go on forever.
Just because guys on here say so doesn't mean it's true.
Men are seriously afraid to approach women? What else are they afraid of? Spiders??
That's a real stretch using the word "afraid."
Frankly I do not like to bother anyone. It's my opinion and observing with my 30+ years adult single and unattatched experience that most women want to be left alone when out in public places.
Practice to get some general routine talking to people. It will build up confidence when a dating prospect comes along. If she doesn't practice and is too shy to talk to a guy who likes her, he might think she is not interested and walk away.
yes, I do realize, the dating pool gets super small after a certain age. And i wonder because apparently, more than half of all marriages are ending in divorce. Doesn't that mean there should be tons of people to choose from?
That's a bit high and not true.
However add the singles in relationships that only go short term and I think it's true.
Most couples do not make it long term.
There are a fair amount of men that assume that for some reason... they think if a woman is talking to them, that woman must be "desperate." But I think that's slowly dying out... and I don't think most men think this way. Although it can be hard to discern who thinks this way and who doesn't. You just have to give them a try and be on your toes.
only men who have no self respect think that women are being desperate by approaching them. If you feel that you have some value then the girl isn't being desperate, she's just going after value and being proactive about it.
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