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The #1 thing that could go wrong is you get her pregnant. It happens ALL the time on all forms of BC. That is a complete and total game-changer. And if you think your parents are "on you" now ...
Getting into a long-term relationship prematurely also has a way of "retarding" your emotional development because you get into patterns of interacting that may not be the healthy way of interacting. It's the old "crawl before you can walk" idea.
Other things include you get on each other's nerves after 3 months and have to extricate yourself from your lease and find new housing; or you stay together for 3 more years, then break up and graduate and find yourself out in the world with limited prospects and only two relationships under your belt. You could damage your relationship with your parents, which may not matter to you now but is very damaging in the long run.
Or you could live happily ever after. Chances are you won't. If you are lucky, life is LONG, and you need to give yourself TIME to figure out how the hell it works.
I really want to go out there this summer, we've talked about it, I've got my own money I can use for plane tickets and I'm sure her parents would go for it.
Based on my personal experience, this is what will happen.
You may feel love for this girl, which is great.
However, your parent's objections are going to prematurely propel you toward her in a way that will close you off to ALL other options in your life, even friends.
You may end up moving in together, probably earlier than you should have because you don't really know this person well enough and you have almost NO experience with serious relationships and what ADULT communication means. Things may go great for several months, even a year. But if they DON'T, you will have wasted a prime year prematurely living the life of a 30-year-old without the required knowledge and experience.
Just try to focus less on bugging your parents and more on getting to know this girl as a person instead of a novelty. Hold off as long as possible on moving in together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronsolini
So what kinds of things could go wrong eventually?
Man, you are certainly sheltered and naïve if you can't think of at least two or three right off the top of your head!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
The #1 thing that could go wrong is you get her pregnant. It happens ALL the time on all forms of BC. That is a complete and total game-changer. And if you think your parents are "on you" now ...
Getting into a long-term relationship prematurely also has a way of "retarding" your emotional development because you get into patterns of interacting that may not be the healthy way of interacting. It's the old "crawl before you can walk" idea.
Other things include you get on each other's nerves after 3 months and have to extricate yourself from your lease and find new housing; or you stay together for 3 more years, then break up and graduate and find yourself out in the world with limited prospects and only two relationships under your belt. You could damage your relationship with your parents, which may not matter to you now but is very damaging in the long run.
Or you could live happily ever after. Chances are you won't. If you are lucky, life is LONG, and you need to give yourself TIME to figure out how the hell it works.
I had several friends/acquaintances who "fell in love" during college and it really hurt them. In one case the person quit several clubs and organizations that she belonged to (so that she could spend more time with her boyfriend) and two years later, when he dropped her like a hot potato, she realized that she had missed two years of making friends, networking and building her leadership skills by quitting those organizations.
Another friend dated someone exclusively from her freshman year until graduation day. That day he told her that he had accepted a job in another state and "wanted to keep his options open". She had assumed that they would get engaged when they graduated. It turned out that he was the only man that she dated during college. She told me that she really, really regretted not getting to know more people, going to parties and dating other men when she had the chance (as it is much, much harder to meet people after you get out of school).
And, it is not just guys that dump girls. A good female friend of ours had a live-in BF all three years of law school. She dumped him when she got a job at a very prestigious law firm (#1 law firm in our entire state) because he "wouldn't fit in with the other spouses". All that time he thought that they would be married but she was just using him for sex & companionship.
Moving in with someone can really stifle your spontaneity. Some buddies say "Let's go camping, or skiing, or traveling over the weekend or over spring break" and you probably would want to get an OK from your live-in GF instead of just taking off with them. Frankly, it probably would stop a lot of college age adventures.
Man, you are certainly sheltered and naïve if you can't think of at least two or three right off the top of your head!
I had several friends/acquaintances who "fell in love" during college and it really hurt them. In one case the person quit several clubs and organizations that she belonged to (so that she could spend more time with her boyfriend) and two years later, when he dropped her like a hot potato, she realized that she had missed two years of making friends, networking and building her leadership skills by quitting those organizations.
Another friend dated someone exclusively from her freshman year until graduation day. That day he told her that he had accepted a job in another state and "wanted to keep his options open". She had assumed that they would get engaged when they graduated. It turned out that he was the only man that she dated during college. She told me that she really, really regretted not getting to know more people, going to parties and dating other men when she had the chance (as it is much, much harder to meet people after you get out of school).
And, it is not just guys that dump girls. A good female friend of ours had a live-in BF all three years of law school. She dumped him when she got a job at a very prestigious law firm (#1 law firm in our entire state) because he "wouldn't fit in with the other spouses". All that time he thought that they would be married but she was just using him for sex & companionship.
Moving in with someone can really stifle your spontaneity. Some buddies say "Let's go camping, or skiing, or traveling over the weekend or over spring break" and you probably would want to get an OK from your live-in GF instead of just taking off with them. Frankly, it probably would stop a lot of college age adventures.
I am sheltered, that I will not front on, sucks for the people in those experiences though.
I really want to go out there this summer, we've talked about it, I've got myown money I can use for plane tickets and I'm sure her parents would go for it.
So this is really your "own money"?
Even if you earned the money at a part time job, if your parents are paying for your college it is just more money that they have to pay (what I mean is, if you earned $500 at a part time job and you use it to visit your GF instead of on college expenses your parents need to contribute and pay $500 more towards your college expenses).
Even if you earned the money at a part time job, if your parents are paying for your college it is just more money that they have to pay (what I mean is, if you earned $500 at a part time job and you use it to visit your GF instead of on college expenses your parents need to contribute and pay $500 more towards your college expenses).
So if I go to a job for multiple summers, work, AND save the money, it HAS to go towards college expenses? I guess I've always followed the " you earned the money, you decide how to spend it" ideology. I think if I worked for the money and defeated the urges to not spend it ASAP, then my reward should be getting to do what I want with it, which, in this case, is going to see someone I care about
Even if you earned the money at a part time job, if your parents are paying for your college it is just more money that they have to pay (what I mean is, if you earned $500 at a part time job and you use it to visit your GF instead of on college expenses your parents need to contribute and pay $500 more towards your college expenses).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronsolini
So if I go to a job for multiple summers, work, AND save the money, it HAS to go towards college expenses? I guess I've always followed the " you earned the money, you decide howto spend it" ideology. I think if I worked for the money and defeated the urges to not spend it ASAP, then my reward should be getting to do what I want with it, which, in this case, is going to see someone I care about
IMHO, that is a very childish attitude. Of course, not every dime of the money that a college student earns needs to go for tuition & books as everyone needs some fun and relaxation activities.
But, seriously, "you earned the money, you decide howto spend it" ideology" ? Are you 12 years old? Sheesh!
Let us say, starting today Mom & Dad decide to follow your ideology. Some/many parents do stop paying their adult children's expenses once they graduate from high school or turn 18. Read all the threads from people who were kicked out of the house penniless on the day that they turned 18. There are also multiple threads from posters who paid 100% of their college expenses because their parents refused to even fill out FAFSA forms to allow them to get student loans.
Let us say, starting today Mom & Dad decide to follow your ideology. Dad and Mom work very hard to earn their moneyand they now decide that they will spent it ALL on themselves and save the money that they are now paying for your college for their retirement. After all, you are an adult. Hmmm, if you really feel that it is great philosophy on money than you would be totally happy and understanding if they make that decision. Think about that, when you are at work today earning money "to do what I want with". Really, think about it.
In fact, if you feel that strongly about it, perhaps just call them up today and suggest that they start to follow your "money ideology". "Mom and Dad, I really appreciate all that you have done for me these past 19 years, but I am now an adult and I want to be on my own. I will start to pay for all of my college and living expenses starting today. You work very hard to earn your money and it is only fairthat you get to spend it on yourselves."
Are you going to make that call to your parents? If not, are you starting to see my point?
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-05-2014 at 08:50 AM..
IMHO, that is a very childish attitude. Of course, not every dime of the money that a college student earns needs to go for tuition & books as everyone needs some fun and relaxation activities.
But, seriously, "you earned the money, you decide howto spend it" ideology" ? Are you 12 years old? Sheesh!
Let us say, starting today Mom & Dad decide to follow your ideology. Some/many parents do stop paying their adult children's expenses once they graduate from high school or turn 18. Read all the threads from people who were kicked out of the house penniless on the day that they turned 18. There are also multiple threads from posters who paid 100% of their college expenses because their parents refused to even fill out FAFSA forms to allow them to get student loans.
Let us say, starting today Mom & Dad decide to follow your ideology. Dad and Mom work very hard to earn their moneyand they now decide that they will spent it ALL on themselves and save the money that they are now paying for your college for their retirement. After all, you are an adult. Hmmm, if you really feel that it is great philosophy on money than you would be totally happy and understanding if they make that decision. Think about that, when you are at work today earning money "to do what I want with". Really, think about it.
In fact, if you feel that strongly about it, perhaps just call them up today and suggest that they start to follow your "money ideology". "Mom and Dad, I really appreciate all that you have done for me these past 19 years, but I am now an adult and I want to be on my own. I will start to pay for all of my college and living expenses starting today. You work very hard to earn your money and it is only fairthat you get to spend it on yourselves."
Are you going to make that call to your parents? If not, are you starting to see my point?
I don't think that that's apples to apples because you're comparing a teenager, childless teenager, and the money he earns at part time jobs to two adults with careers who decided they wanted a kid and wanted to sacrifice for that kid
You know, you don't need the internet's approval to go see your girlfriend.
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Are you 12 years old? Sheesh!
