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Have you considered that your GF may be dating you because she is rebelling against her parents?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronsolini
How so?
If she is anything like her parents they are also brash New Yorkers. Her parents may be thinking "Oh no, our daughter is dating this mild mannered, milquetoast, wimpy, provincial Midwesterner, we certainly hope that she isn't serious about him. He acts so different from everyone that we love & care about here in NY."
You have to figure out the best way to handle it. The relationship should only consist of you and Danielle, not Danielle, you, your parents and the people of City-Data, etc. The only people's opinions that should matter re: your relationship is you and her. Period.
I know you want your family to like her. Their approval for her is something you thirst for, and rightly so. When we like or love someone special to us we often want others close to us to feel the same way and respond positively. Your parents see her differently than you see her. You see her as Danielle, a tough, free spirited bad ***** from Brooklyn. Your parents seem to view her as "one of those east coast people" with a dirty mouth.
Consider their background; your parents don't see her appeal because they are from the midwest. Anything or anyone who behaves differently is going to scare them. You have to get them used to the idea.
I dated a southern boy once and my parents were weirded out by him because he kept saying "yes ma'am". My mom found him creepy and banned him from the boathouse. Once they bonded over their love of tennis and wine though, mom fell head over heels and saw the same great things I saw in him.
Do your parents and her have anything in common at all? Something they can agree upon or like together? Sometimes that connection is all it takes to begin warming up to someone.
Here's what I would do: For the time being, you seem serious about this girl. I would start bringing her up to your parents every in a while. Talk about what Danielle is up to and what you both are doing together. Name drop her. Let your parents know that she plays an active role in your life.
For as long as the relationship lasts, they may never truly like her. Or maybe they will fall in love with her. Regardless, if she is an important part of your life, make it clear that they need to be respectful.
As for the cussing, I have to say, the people I admire the most are the ones that are unapologetically who they are. Not people who display condensed down versions of themselves when they feel like they need to play a part. Danielle sounds like a saucy character and I see the appeal.
Also, nothing wrong with getting off on a good fight. My cousin loves bratty girls and he loves to argue with them. It doesn't mean you're dysfunctional- just a bit unconventional maybe.
Last edited by Frustrated Hippy; 06-02-2014 at 10:56 PM..
Reason: typos and spaces galore. My apologies! I'm on my phone and I've had a shot or three.
Best to just ignore your parents opinion of your girlfriend, you're the one dating her so its your opinion that matters. Its amazing to me how people are so riled up about swearing - everyone swears where I live, highly educated professionals, sweet old grandma, doting mothers, its just a normal part of conversation here.
Do your parents and her have anything in common at all? Something they can agree upon or like together? Sometimes that connection is all it takes to begin warming up to someone.
If you don't mind me asking, what part of the south? Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi? Well she's a big basketball fan( naturally Brooklyn Nets fan) and my dad is a basketball fan( Naturally Pacers and Hoosiers).
What bothers me is, they didn't even take a ton of time to know her, because, once you get to know her, she is very sweet, like I said, this is a girl who pulled an all nighter with me teaching me math.
If you don't mind me asking, what part of the south? Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi? Well she's a big basketball fan( naturally Brooklyn Nets fan) and my dad is a basketball fan( Naturally Pacers and Hoosiers).
If she is anything like her parents they are also brash New Yorkers. Her parents may be thinking "Oh no, our daughter is dating this mild mannered, milquetoast, wimpy, provincial Midwesterner, we certainly hope that she isn't serious about him. He acts so different from everyone that we love & care about here in NY."
I know what you're saying is hypothetical, but her parents and I got along great and even if they did think those things about me and voiced them to her, I know she'd be vouching for me and rattling off all my good qualities.
What bothers me is, they didn't even take a ton of time to know her, because, once you get to know her, she is very sweet, like I said, this is a girl who pulled an all nighter with me teaching me math.
Well, it was just the first meeting. The more you bring her around the more they may come around too. You can't see all sides of someone's personality from only meeting them once.
I'd give it another shot and take her home for another visit when the opportunity arises.
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