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Isn't it a bit unfair to ask someone to alter their personality and behaviors in such a way to misrepresent themselves? And from the way he described it, she tried to tone it down but wasn't perfect.
Good advice, for certain. But what I don't get is why parents are commonly unwilling to trust their children to make relationship decisions. My son is in his first serious relationship and all we care about is whether or not he's happy and if she cares for him. Does she look like the girl we imagined he'd be with? Not entirely. Is her personality the type that blends well with our family? Not as much as we'd like. But he's walking on air for over six months now, she clearly cares deeply for him and we love her for that; so much so that we tone down our rhetoric to try and make her more comfortable. It's his life, he needs to learn how to make decisions without us doing it for him.
I guess it depends on how toned-down she was. If she normally cusses every single sentence, and she toned it down to once every few sentences, then that could still be a huge turn-off for a lot of people, not just his parents. I don't know if it's really misrepresenting yourself to stop swearing, unless you truly feel like your swearing represents who you are. I'd hope that it doesn't. I stop swearing around my parents because they're very religious and I think it would be disrespectful - I also keep swearing to a minimum at work, because I don't think it sounds very professional and I work in a very religious area (Utah). I don't think doing that compromises who I am, though.
I agree that ultimately, what matters is whether or not she makes him happy. His parents should focus more on that than anything else. Maybe they're freaking out because it seems so serious, what with him bringing her home to meet the parents. I personally wouldn't do a "meet the parents" situation unless I was really serious about the guy. This might be the first time his parents are dealing with this type of thing. Maybe they're more afraid that their son will end up staying in New York to be with her, and they're worried about "losing" him (or in other words, him not moving home to be near them).
Clearly, his parents need to deal with this a better way. But it could really be more about them dealing with the new situation, then actually disliking his girlfriend.
Why does anybody have to be "right"? Your parents don't like her, and I probably wouldn't be too impressed either based on her vocabulary. They don't have to, nor do they need to change their minds.
You don't really expect a girl you meet as a freshman to still be The One when you're a senior, do you? Have some fun, keep your options open, and for pete's sake, don't bring her home again.
I was! Twenty-five years and counting, but in general I agree with you, because I know we're the outliers. In any case, the parents don't have to like the GF. That's just the way it is. My in-laws don't particularly like me, and I not only married their son, but I gave birth to their only grandchildren.
OP, let it go, and have fun with your GF.
Last edited by randomparent; 06-02-2014 at 03:35 PM..
OP: if you truly care for this girl and she sticks around she will have to learn to respect your parents and not curse in front of them...not one bit. If you want to make the relationship something permanent down the road, you will have to make sure she understands that cursing is a big no-no in their house or in their presence. It's pretty easy to do...and she will learn quickly if she wants a professional job.
Ethnicity does not always mean race
Ethnicity is the fact or state of belonging to a social group that has a common national or cultural tradition
Believe me Italian (especially New York Italian) is an ethnicity and it is probably quite different from his midwestern culture. My sister and I were brought up in a large Italian family. She married an Irish guy and their cultures were quite different despite the common Roman Catholic religion.
We have talked about living off campus next year or the year after so they might have to start getting used to her.
You sure are dribbling out the facts a bit at a time.
No wonder your parents are on your/her case. You are a freshman in college, meet a girl, take her home to your parents shortly thereafter, and are now talking about moving off campus together?
Too soon buddy, too soon. That may be more the problem than the cursing.
You sure are dribbling out the facts a bit at a time.
No wonder your parents are on your/her case. You are a freshman in college, meet a girl, take her home to your parents shortly thereafter, and are now talking about moving off campus together?
Too soon buddy, too soon. That may be more the problem than the cursing.
Perhaps, perhaps not.
I was a Freshman when I met my husband and introduced him to my parents over Christmas break of that year. We got married after my sophomore year and will soon be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary.
You sure are dribbling out the facts a bit at a time.
No wonder your parents are on your/her case. You are a freshman in college, meet a girl, take her home to your parents shortly thereafter, and are now talking about moving off campus together?
Too soon buddy, too soon. That may be more the problem than the cursing.
I mean, I haven't told my parents that, but she and I have discussed it.
I mean, I haven't told my parents that, but she and I have discussed it.
Well, keep on discussing it.
You have your entire life to pay rent, for Pete's sake. Stay on campus as long as you can.
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