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I was asked, is she of different ethnicity I said yes, now, as you pointed out, they meant race, so in that case, no. It was a wrongly worded question.
Ethnicity means race, it was not worded wrongly..
OP: if you truly care for this girl and she sticks around she will have to learn to respect your parents and not curse in front of them...not one bit. If you want to make the relationship something permanent down the road, you will have to make sure she understands that cursing is a big no-no in their house or in their presence. It's pretty easy to do...and she will learn quickly if she wants a professional job.
Well, I'm sorry your GF got off on the wrong foot with your family. The fact that they want you to "marry a Midwestern girl" pretty much tells me that they are afraid you are going to pick up and move to New York, far away from them -- which is silly, because no one is talking marriage right now.*
There are quite a few posters saying it means they don't want you to move, which could be but I interpet "Marry a Midwestern girl" meaning sweet, innocent, thoughtful, kind, well mannered etc... Everything they perceive a good natured "Midwestern girl" to be.
If I could go back in time and change any one, single thing in my life, it would be to ignore my family after I met my wife and trust my instincts about her. They didn't like her, I didn't want to upset or defy them and so I let them interfere for the first few years we were together; I almost lost her several times. Fortunately she was strong and withstood what I now view as abusive behavior on their part and neglectful behavior on mine.
You're old enough to know what's right for you, even if it's not in line with their thinking.
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Originally Posted by Girl
I don't. My husband doesn't. And I expect the same out of my kids.
I'm a firm believer that the way to show people you aren't intelligent is to utter a curse word.
When I was younger I dated boys and men who cursed up storms. Never brought them home to meet my parents because I knew they'd be horrified.
At the age of 27 I finally met a man who was worth taking home to my parents - and guess what? He didn't curse. Seventeen years later we're married with two kids and teaching the same respect for language and other people.
I can't say that her language is the reason your parents don't like her, but it mostly doesn't help.
I dunno, some pretty smart people use profanity for emphasis, to illicit a reaction or simply spice up a thought or sentiment. I don't curse often but when I do, it's usually to make a point. I did not allow my children to use what we consider curse words until they could clearly establish that they could express themselves otherwise.
Your GF should have put her best foot forward and refrained from swearing. If your family swears, then she could've let loose a little, but since they don't, then she should have kept that part of her zippered up. I think I'd feel it was off-putting if my daughter came home with a boyfriend who didn't put his best foot forward. I swear, so that wouldn't be a big deal, but if he started making sexist jokes or sexual jokes, then I'd be less than thrilled she was with him. You want to see your kids choose good partners, and it's upsetting when they choose someone who lacks basic common sense (like putting their best foot forward when meeting their partner's parents for the first time).
OP, let your parents know that their comments about your girlfriend are hurtful and will not be tolerated by you. If they make a negative comment about her, then politely say that you have to get off the phone, or leave the room, then do so. You don't need to act immature and complain about what they're saying, just let them know once that you won't tolerate it, and then follow through. And hopefully, you also talk to your girlfriend and let her know, in a polite way (not a my-parents-are-against-you kind of way) that her swearing really bothered your parents and they're concerned about your relationship with her. Try to have her meet them again, and this time, hopefully, she'll put her best foot forward.
At a party freshman year, I met this very beautiful girl and we hit it off. I’m from Indiana and she is from Brooklyn, and came to IU because, well, I guess she got sick of NY. Like she’s cool and we just razz each other. She, and this is what I love about her oddly enough, can cuss up a storm like a machine gun. IDK I’ve never been a fan of the girls who are afraid to cuss. Anyway, Over Christmas she came home with me for a week before heading back home and then I went to her place for Spring Break. My family HATES her, she was very sweet to them( but alas a few cusses slipped out). I've told my family I’m the one dating her, but they don’t care, they want me with a “ Midwestern Girlâ€. This is all I hear about is how awful she is and her mouth and how long distance relationships don't work( now that it's summer I won't see her until school starts but we do video chat every day so that helps. Parents of C-D: who's right and what do I do? Just FYI, a buddy of mine is dating a girl from Guadalajara, talk about long distance
Your parents are turned off by the fact that this girl is a "New Yorker." They just want what's in your best interest. They want you with a "Midwestern Girl." You need to tell them that although you appreciate their concern, you are exploring your individuality. Ask them if they would prefer you hiding your girlfriend's from them or keeping an open, honest relationship.
When I was 18, I met and dated a "bad boy" for 4 years. He was good to me. But my parents HATED him. They forced us to break up, which caused us to run off together. We did eventually break up. But it was MY choice. Years later, my mother told me that she and my dad should have just let me figure things out on my own. I hope your parents do the same.
I love her for more than just her mouth. She's extremely motivated, helpful, fun to be around, and spontaneous.
I guess I'm just too out of date or something but, seem like the priority should be your education here. Not saying that guys in college don't date or shouldn't, but you are a freshman in college and in many cases that's the toughest year. Talking about love or falling in love would be the least thing on my mind at the moment. Seem like you would be more worried about your grades than being in love with anyone. I was a freshman once and there was lots of pretty girls everywhere but I was more into trying to get this college thing down and getting to know all my new friends. Put yourself in your parents place for just a second. They are sending you to school for an education and already as a freshman you are bringing somebody home for a week. She could have been a graduate of the academy of etiquette but you are a freshman, stay focused on your studies. Very unusual in my view, a junior or a senior I can see that some but not as a freshman. They say opposites attracts so maybe that's part of it, but nothing about a foul mouth young lady is appealing to me, no matter what parts she is from. I'm a navy vet so I do know all about foul mouth and I would not want that in a young lady for myself.
Your GF should have put her best foot forward and refrained from swearing.
Isn't it a bit unfair to ask someone to alter their personality and behaviors in such a way to misrepresent themselves? And from the way he described it, she tried to tone it down but wasn't perfect.
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Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah
Your parents are turned off by the fact that this girl is a "New Yorker." They just want what's in your best interest. They want you with a "Midwestern Girl." You need to tell them that although you appreciate their concern, you are exploring your individuality. Ask them if they would prefer you hiding your girlfriend's from them or keeping an open, honest relationship.
When I was 18, I met and dated a "bad boy" for 4 years. He was good to me. But my parents HATED him. They forced us to break up, which caused us to run off together. We did eventually break up. But it was MY choice. Years later, my mother told me that she and my dad should have just let me figure things out on my own. I hope your parents do the same.
Good advice, for certain. But what I don't get is why parents are commonly unwilling to trust their children to make relationship decisions. My son is in his first serious relationship and all we care about is whether or not he's happy and if she cares for him. Does she look like the girl we imagined he'd be with? Not entirely. Is her personality the type that blends well with our family? Not as much as we'd like. But he's walking on air for over six months now, she clearly cares deeply for him and we love her for that; so much so that we tone down our rhetoric to try and make her more comfortable. It's his life, he needs to learn how to make decisions without us doing it for him.
Isn't it a bit unfair to ask someone to alter their personality and behaviors in such a way to misrepresent themselves? And from the way he described it, she tried to tone it down but wasn't perfect.
Good advice, for certain. But what I don't get is why parents are commonly unwilling to trust their children to make relationship decisions. My son is in his first serious relationship and all we care about is whether or not he's happy and if she cares for him. Does she look like the girl we imagined he'd be with? Not entirely. Is her personality the type that blends well with our family? Not as much as we'd like. But he's walking on air for over six months now, she clearly cares deeply for him and we love her for that; so much so that we tone down our rhetoric to try and make her more comfortable. It's his life, he needs to learn how to make decisions without us doing it for him.
Thank you! My son is not in the dating world just yet. But I would want the same for him as you are with your son.
Parents can be very judgmental and then they have, in their minds, what YOUR ideal life and spouse should look like. But you have to live your life for yourself and what makes you happy.
I'd just stop discussing the relationship with them if I were you. My parents are conservative, Midwester, types who wanted me to finish college, meet a nice white, Christian girl, move back to their neighborhood, and produce children that they could parade around their church every Sunday. I moved to Europe and have never lived remotely near my parents, and I ended up married to a black man Needless to say, they haven't been all the pleased with me. But it's my life, end of story.
We have two children and one thing I've learned from my parents is to accept my children for who they are (meaning, do the opposite of my parents) and not have some preconceived notion of how their adult lives need to be. As long as they're happy and not addicted to anything, that's all I desire.
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but we do video chat every day so that helps. Parents of C-D: who's right and what do I do? Just FYI, a buddy of mine is dating a girl from Guadalajara, talk about long distance
Needless to say, they haven't been all the pleased with me. But it's my life, end of story.
