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Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try? When I look back on this, it's so funny, because I've actually thought guys were attractive, but since they didn't show me that they were attracted in me, too, I quickly moved on. I remember one guy in high school, and he was handsome. He didn't go to the prom but I did. After the prom, of course after, he asked who I went with. I went to the senior prom with my friend, another girl who didn't have a date and we went together as singles and dateless. And he said he would've gone with me and wanted to take me, but that he thought I had a boyfriend. This was so disappointing. I had similar experiences after high school and college.
It just occurred to me when I thought of that thread "guys would you approach a woman" or something similar. Maybe I'm just as at fault for preferring men to approach me first, but I can't take a guy seriously who doesn't have the confidence to speak to a lady and take the risk of being shot down with dignity.
I was at the grocery store and this guy was in the olive oil section, and he was cute. I saw him in my peripheral vision and he didn't speak, so I went to another section to finish my shopping. There he came behind me when I turned around. He was kind of smiling but he didn't say anything. So I thought nothing of it, moved to another section, here he comes again past me, lingering, smiling. Say something for crying out loud, I'll love to go to a baseball game with you! Why do you think we wear pretty dresses and blush?
What thoughts are running through your mind when you hesitate to approach a woman to express interest?
back in the day, the mid to late 70s, i personally was quite shy around women, so i would fall into "hunter" mode, where i would stalk girls. i would size them up from a distance, and wait for an opportunity. a situation where i was forced to talk to the girls and could legitimately open up to them.
the problem for most men though comes when they have been shot down so many times in their youth, that they feel they are not fighter pilots and should remain on the ground, as it were. so we become gun shy and just dont approach women unless we are thrown together due to circumstances.
and then there is the problem of breaking the ice. while you tell us you want guys to approach you and talk to you, you dont realize the power you wield, and how hard it is for guys to even say hi sometimes. so we fall back on "pick up lines" most of which are so corny it makes ears of corn mad due to the stupidity. things like, "your name must be citation cause you got fine written all over you". i even use corny lines, but i turn them into humor.
these days though guys are somewhat afraid that an unwanted approach could end up with an unwanted contact with law enforcement, or ending up on the wrong end of a lawsuit or restraining order. and personally i dont need those things. and before you say that you wont do that, how do we know? if you find a guy hanging around you, he may just want to approach you and ask you out, but is extremely shy, and just needs a little encouragement on your part, but you have already said that you wont do anything until he says something. are you afraid to say hi to a guy that seems to be hanging around you a little more than what seems usual? take that guy in the supermarket for instance, if you smiled at him and said hi, you might be dating him now, and thinking about a long term relationship with him. did you ever think of that?
a connection requires communication from both parties, and it isnt always a verbal initial connection either. body language plays a big part. if you seem approachable from your body language, the shy guys will start to hang around more, rather like the guy in the supermarket, looking for more encouragement from you. again that could be a simple smile, a slight wave of the hand, even coming out and saying hi. if your body language indicates that you are open to approach, but then you dont smile, you dont say anything, you just keep walking away, then what are we to do? approach you anyway and risk you running to someone claiming we are stalking you? hope that you might deign to grace us with a hello, and other bits of conversation? or do we decide that you are not really approachable and move on?
remember that men are hunters, we study our prey like hunters, we choose the moment to strike, but we dont prey on those that might end up hurting us, we go after the weaker prey. watch what animals do when they are in hunting mode. they go after the weakest prey, not the strongest. why? because there is less chance of getting injured. same with women.
As i recall women grew tired of traditional gender roles, but men have to keep theirs? And whats the reward? Sex? Not saying men shouldnt, but women should do it just as much or at least make it extremely obvious. So in a way yes. Thats what im saying
I didn't approach my girlfriend. She came up to me because I definitely wasn't going to approach her lol.
back in the day, the mid to late 70s, i personally was quite shy around women, so i would fall into "hunter" mode, where i would stalk girls. i would size them up from a distance, and wait for an opportunity. a situation where i was forced to talk to the girls and could legitimately open up to them.
the problem for most men though comes when they have been shot down so many times in their youth, that they feel they are not fighter pilots and should remain on the ground, as it were. so we become gun shy and just dont approach women unless we are thrown together due to circumstances.
and then there is the problem of breaking the ice. while you tell us you want guys to approach you and talk to you, you dont realize the power you wield, and how hard it is for guys to even say hi sometimes. so we fall back on "pick up lines" most of which are so corny it makes ears of corn mad due to the stupidity. things like, "your name must be citation cause you got fine written all over you". i even use corny lines, but i turn them into humor.
these days though guys are somewhat afraid that an unwanted approach could end up with an unwanted contact with law enforcement, or ending up on the wrong end of a lawsuit or restraining order. and personally i dont need those things. and before you say that you wont do that, how do we know? if you find a guy hanging around you, he may just want to approach you and ask you out, but is extremely shy, and just needs a little encouragement on your part, but you have already said that you wont do anything until he says something. are you afraid to say hi to a guy that seems to be hanging around you a little more than what seems usual? take that guy in the supermarket for instance, if you smiled at him and said hi, you might be dating him now, and thinking about a long term relationship with him. did you ever think of that?
a connection requires communication from both parties, and it isnt always a verbal initial connection either. body language plays a big part. if you seem approachable from your body language, the shy guys will start to hang around more, rather like the guy in the supermarket, looking for more encouragement from you. again that could be a simple smile, a slight wave of the hand, even coming out and saying hi. if your body language indicates that you are open to approach, but then you dont smile, you dont say anything, you just keep walking away, then what are we to do? approach you anyway and risk you running to someone claiming we are stalking you? hope that you might deign to grace us with a hello, and other bits of conversation? or do we decide that you are not really approachable and move on?
remember that men are hunters, we study our prey like hunters, we choose the moment to strike, but we dont prey on those that might end up hurting us, we go after the weaker prey. watch what animals do when they are in hunting mode. they go after the weakest prey, not the strongest. why? because there is less chance of getting injured. same with women.
OMG.
As hard as it is for some of you to believe, women are the same species, not weaker prey. You should never be preying on a woman, period.
And a woman's body language is not open to approach if she isn't smiling or saying anything and is walking away. It sounds like you don't actually know how to read body language.
As hard as it is for some of you to believe, women are the same species, not weaker prey. You should never be preying on a woman, period.
And a woman's body language is not open to approach if she isn't smiling or saying anything and is walking away. It sounds like you don't actually know how to read body language.
I wonder if the guys who get rudely shot down so often as to be discouraged by it are completely oblivious to a woman's body language. Like, if you try to start a conversation with a woman who seems actively annoyed by you, don't push on and ask for her number, then complain that women are mean.
As hard as it is for some of you to believe, women are the same species, not weaker prey. You should never be preying on a woman, period.
And a woman's body language is not open to approach if she isn't smiling or saying anything and is walking away. It sounds like you don't actually know how to read body language.
If a woman never speaks to me, looks at me, or smile at me I don't approach. I won't even talk to women I do not know either.
There are several reasons as to why I wouldn't approach in public, but I think the most important one is that she does not seem receptive to an approach. This is understandable because most people (including me) are just going about their business, and in an urban environment one doesn't want to be too friendly otherwise one tends to attract the crazies, especially on the street or on public transport. To a woman trying to buy groceries, or working on her computer in the cafe, or texting on the bus, some random guy coming up to her is not likely to be a welcome prospect, in my experience, and in the experience of female friends of mine. Keep in mind that I am talking about a young demographic, 22-28 or so. I've noticed that older women are more open to small talk, but that's probably because they consider me to be a youngin' who is not interested in them romantically, and therefore conversation becomes easier.
How can she do this, if she hasn't noticed you, but you've noticed her? It really cuts down on your possibilities, if you wait for women to give you a green light. (How often does that happen, anyway?) And it further cuts way down on your possibilities if you rule out public places. I haven't had many women react badly to a smile and a cheerful greeting or comment. I don't see what the hangup is.
If she doesn't notice me I don't really care... I'm not going out of my way to try because I'm not actively looking for anything. I'm ok being single right now. That's why if she gives an interest with signals, I'd be open to it.
As hard as it is for some of you to believe, women are the same species, not weaker prey. You should never be preying on a woman, period.
And a woman's body language is not open to approach if she isn't smiling or saying anything and is walking away. It sounds like you don't actually know how to read body language.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I wonder if the guys who get rudely shot down so often as to be discouraged by it are completely oblivious to a woman's body language. Like, if you try to start a conversation with a woman who seems actively annoyed by you, don't push on and ask for her number, then complain that women are mean.
i know how to read body language, quite well in fact. and liberty, i was talking about being in hunting mode. if you think about it, before a man decides to approach a woman, he does in fact go into hunting mode to assess his prey. and the term prey doesnt mean i am going to kill and eat said woman, it means merely that she is on my radar, and i need to figure a good way to approach her when she isnt defensive. when you get right down to it, we are talking about something that is primal in nature, but we have gotten so far out of touch with nature, that we object when someone talks about this as being primal. get over it.
I wonder if the guys who get rudely shot down so often as to be discouraged by it are completely oblivious to a woman's body language. Like, if you try to start a conversation with a woman who seems actively annoyed by you, don't push on and ask for her number, then complain that women are mean.
Seriously? I thought you had turned over a new leaf.
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