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I've never been turned off when a woman contacts me. I wish more would in fact.
They don't, they also don't appreciate me or my life.
Im sorry to hear that. I can tell you, there are a lot of guys out there who do play these games. They think they are cute players, but they are actually quite predictable and pathetic.
I'm glad you don't. Someday someone extraordinary will recognize your worth.
Im sorry to hear that. I can tell you, there are a lot of guys out there who do play these games. They think they are cute players, but they are actually quite predictable and pathetic.
I'm glad you don't. Someday someone extraordinary will recognize your worth.
I just want someone to love me.
That's asking for entirely too much on most days. I have enough on my plate as it is trying to stay alive.
It would be swell if someone blew me a kiss every now and then.
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
Threads like this are always amusing because, while they're supposed to be about men, they actually reveal something about women. Just look at how the terms confident and desperate get assigned. A man who approaches a woman is called confident. But if that same man approaches every woman he sees, he's then called desperate. If a man doesn't approach a woman, she'll assume he lacks confidence. But that same woman will complain if all the men who do approach her aren't to her liking. So what can she do? Well, she could make the first move and actually approach a man herself and even ask him out. But then she risks being labeled desperate. Hmm. It all sounds like a silly game. Well, games are for kids, not adults. But much of the behavior we see is childish or, at best, high school-ish. If you're a woman and a guy hits on you but you're not interested, then reject him in a way that lets him walk with dignity. Don't act all insulted or make a scene because someone you find unattractive had the temerity to hit on you. And if you're a guy and a woman rejects your advances, take it like a grownup. Don't start insulting her because your ego was bruised. Learn from it and move on.
A man could be confident, but he's still not going to waste his time on someone who doesn't seem interested. There's a difference between attention and unwanted attention and men will look for signs that the attention is welcome. I know a lot of women say they send signals to convey their interest. But here's something you need to remember. Subtlety goes over most guys' heads and women are far less obvious than they think. And quite often, the signals get misinterpreted. A woman could be friendly to a guy and the guy will think it means she wants him when really she's just being friendly. What's also true is that men will take you at your word when you say you're not interested. I see a number of women complain when a guy doesn't ask them out more than once. Hard-to-get is another game that should've been left behind in high school. Women may find it exciting to be pursued. But a man who's confident knows he has other options out there.
You're either a creep for trying or you're a coward for not trying hard enough. Damned if you, damned if you don't.
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
I'm not sure what world you're living in, but I don't agree at all with that bolded statement. If you had said some or a few women I'd be inclined to agree, but most???? Most sounds to me like 8 out of 10 or some number similar, say 7 out of 10.
It's just contrary to my 44 yrs and every other dude I've ever talked to about the subject, you might have a few women here on CD that say that they do and a few in your family, but other than that to say otherwise is verging on laughable.......
I say this in that actually having women in my life come up to me and talk to me... but they were far far far few and in between than the word "most" would imply.
To answer the OP, I think a lot of factors come into play on the lack of approaching, obviously if the woman is really attractive a man might hesitate thinking she's taken or intimated by her looks, another big one is RBF syndrome..... some people when not smiling look sort of mean or slightly intimidating, even me, I am a sort of baby faced looking dude, but I've seen pics of me when not smiling and completely emotionless, I look sort of mean......
There are more reasons, these are just a couple off of the top of my head.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'm not sure what world you're living in, but I don't agree at all with that bolded statement. If you had said some or a few women I'd be inclined to agree, but most???? Most sounds to me like 8 out of 10 or some number similar, say 7 out of 10.
It's just contrary to my 44 yrs and every other dude I've ever talked to about the subject, you might have a few women here on CD that say that they do and a few in your family, but other than that to say otherwise is verging on laughable.......
Yeah, it happens pretty darn infrequently. I think I've probably had to start 95%+ of every conversation with women. If I want something to happen, I need to act. Otherwise, nothing will ever ever happen.
Yeah, it happens pretty darn infrequently. I think I've probably had to start 95%+ of every conversation with women. If I want something to happen, I need to act. Otherwise, nothing will ever ever happen.
You most certainly wouldn't say "most women" would you.... not sure where R4T is getting those ideas....
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ask him out. But then she risks being labeled desperate. Hmm. It all sounds like a silly game. Well, games are for kids, not adults. But much of the behavior we see is childish or, at best, high school-ish. If you're a woman and a guy hits on you but you're not interested, then reject him in a way that lets him walk with dignity. Don't act all insulted or make a scene because someone you find unattractive had the temerity to hit on you. And if you're a guy and a woman rejects your advances, take it like a grownup. Don't start insulting her because your ego was bruised. Learn from it and move on.
