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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
You most certainly wouldn't say "most women" would you.... not sure where R4T is getting those ideas....
Not even close. I'm no prize, so maybe it is just me they don't do it with.
And I'm not talking about just verbal stuff either... smiles, glances, giggles... I'm pretty good with body language and it just DOES NOT happen (to me).
If I'm active and direct in my approach I do fine though.
R4T has some crazy ideas to me... just doesn't match my world experiences whatsoever, she seems to come from some non-drinking artsy spiritual community that is a whole different world.
You most certainly wouldn't say "most women" would you.... not sure where R4T is getting those ideas....
Most women will approach guys they're interested in. They may not approach all the time, but when motivated, they won't let the object of their interest slip through their fingers. They may reserve their approaching just for guys who meet their criteria (as opposed to a more general scattershot approach), and it may or may not be subtle (so the guy may not know he's been approached, like you, Chow--didn't you say you're kind of slow to pick up on that sort of thing?), but where potential love is concerned, women will take the initiative when sufficiently motivated.
Some women (as I mentioned before, this varies by regional culture) are friendly and chatty anyway. I see this around the SF Bay Area and in the Southwest. They'll chat up guys in the check-out line or at the bus stop, or at public events. And the South has a high reputation on this forum for that. I've also known women who approach guys just for the ego boost, to see their reaction, and maybe score to mark another notch on their belt (yes, some women do that). I've seen women approach guys at parties as well as in public. I've been with guys who complain that women grab at them or pretend to accidentally bump them with their boobs or butts. There's a lot going on that falls under the public radar due to stereotypes about who's supposed to do the approaching.
Most women will approach guys they're interested in. They may not approach all the time, but when motivated, they won't let the object of their interest slip through their fingers. They may reserve their approaching just for guys who meet their criteria (as opposed to a more general scattershot approach), and it may or may not be subtle (so the guy may not know he's been approached, like you, Chow--didn't you say you're kind of slow to pick up on that sort of thing?), but where potential love is concerned, women will take the initiative when sufficiently motivated.
Some women (as I mentioned before, this varies by regional culture) are friendly and chatty anyway. I see this around the SF Bay Area and in the Southwest. They'll chat up guys in the check-out line or at the bus stop, or at public events. And the South has a high reputation on this forum for that. I've also known women who approach guys just for the ego boost, to see their reaction, and maybe score to mark another notch on their belt (yes, some women do that). I've seen women approach guys at parties as well as in public. I've been with guys who complain that women grab at them or pretend to accidentally bump them with their boobs or butts. There's a lot going on that falls under the public radar due to stereotypes about who's supposed to do the approaching.
That's probably part of the problem is how we're defining "approaching", I think women are much much more subtler than men, so if that's the case, I can somewhat see what you're saying.
Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try? When I look back on this, it's so funny, because I've actually thought guys were attractive, but since they didn't show me that they were attracted in me, too, I quickly moved on. I remember one guy in high school, and he was handsome. He didn't go to the prom but I did. After the prom, of course after, he asked who I went with. I went to the senior prom with my friend, another girl who didn't have a date and we went together as singles and dateless. And he said he would've gone with me and wanted to take me, but that he thought I had a boyfriend. This was so disappointing. I had similar experiences after high school and college.
It just occurred to me when I thought of that thread "guys would you approach a woman" or something similar. Maybe I'm just as at fault for preferring men to approach me first, but I can't take a guy seriously who doesn't have the confidence to speak to a lady and take the risk of being shot down with dignity.
I was at the grocery store and this guy was in the olive oil section, and he was cute. I saw him in my peripheral vision and he didn't speak, so I went to another section to finish my shopping. There he came behind me when I turned around. He was kind of smiling but he didn't say anything. So I thought nothing of it, moved to another section, here he comes again past me, lingering, smiling. Say something for crying out loud, I'll love to go to a baseball game with you! Why do you think we wear pretty dresses and blush?
What thoughts are running through your mind when you hesitate to approach a woman to express interest?
I'm sorry, but if I see a ring on that finger, I ain't approaching. I'm moving on with my business
Call me preposterous, but I wouldn't want anyone trying to break up any marriage I was in. So I wouldn't bother with that.
Otherwise, I think that guy in the grocery store needs to work on his social skills. That was awkward at best.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
That's probably part of the problem is how we're defining "approaching", I think women are much much more subtler than men, so if that's the case, I can somewhat see what you're saying.
Even then, it doesn't happen to me, I do tend to pick up on the subtle signs.. It could be they're just not interested... but if that is the case, why do I get dates when I approach?
Sorry, not buying it. I can't recall a woman ever starting a conversation with me... the closest thing would be a married woman asking if this seat was taken.
Maybe they do approach the men they're interested in, but I have always gotten the feeling that they're really interested in a small population of the men out there... at least visually.
Sometimes I am interested, but I see or hear something that really puts me off, so I lose interest. I'll still talk if there's a reason to do so, but I won't ask her out.
Some people don't because it's not the appropriate time or the appropriate setting to do so.
Why do some people think that others should be attracted to them and that there's something wrong with the ones who aren't interested in them?
Some men I've come across throughout my life have only revealed to me that they were attracted to me after it was too late. They said they were afraid to approach me, and among their excuses when I'd asked why they didn't just approach me and show interest, were:
1. I have a certain kind of "walk" that made him think I'm conceited or too good for him;
2. Had the impression that I was already taken;
3. I never paid any attention to him so I didn't seem receptive or approachable;
4. I was busy with something else when they saw me; and
5. I "look like a superstar".
These are preposterous reasons not to approach a woman if you're attracted to her. Isn't it worth it to at least try? When I look back on this, it's so funny, because I've actually thought guys were attractive, but since they didn't show me that they were attracted in me, too, I quickly moved on. I remember one guy in high school, and he was handsome. He didn't go to the prom but I did. After the prom, of course after, he asked who I went with. I went to the senior prom with my friend, another girl who didn't have a date and we went together as singles and dateless. And he said he would've gone with me and wanted to take me, but that he thought I had a boyfriend. This was so disappointing. I had similar experiences after high school and college.
It just occurred to me when I thought of that thread "guys would you approach a woman" or something similar. Maybe I'm just as at fault for preferring men to approach me first, but I can't take a guy seriously who doesn't have the confidence to speak to a lady and take the risk of being shot down with dignity.
I was at the grocery store and this guy was in the olive oil section, and he was cute. I saw him in my peripheral vision and he didn't speak, so I went to another section to finish my shopping. There he came behind me when I turned around. He was kind of smiling but he didn't say anything. So I thought nothing of it, moved to another section, here he comes again past me, lingering, smiling. Say something for crying out loud, I'll love to go to a baseball game with you! Why do you think we wear pretty dresses and blush?
What thoughts are running through your mind when you hesitate to approach a woman to express interest?
For me it's simple, when I was single, if I didn't have a reason to talk to her casually without a cold approach (e.g. both attending the same event, introduced to one another, etc.) then I wasn't going to approach her because I don't like being approached by random strangers. I don't believe in "chasing" nor "being chased" but that's just me. If fate brings two people together then great, if not then oh well.
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I'm moving on with my business
