So my gf is pregnant, should I marry her? (guy, single, kids)
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Title says it all. We've been together for a couple of years and our relationships is pretty good. Should I marry her, I Can't come up with any reason why not.
Yes, if your relationship is pretty good you should do it for her, for you, and for your kid. I'm sure someone will flame me for this, but kids do better when born to parents who get married & stay married. Even more liberal researchers are admitting the following:
1....Marriage is a commitment that cohabitation is not. Taking a vow before friends and family to support another person “until death do us part” signals a mutual sense of shared responsibility that cannot be lightly dismissed. Cohabitation is more fragile — cohabiting parents split up before their fifth anniversary at about twice the rate of married parents.
2. Second, a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults.
3. Marriage brings economic benefits. Let's face it. It costs a lot more to run two households than it does one.
People who get married & stay married tend to both earn more and save more than they would individually.
Just food for thought regarding the 'love' aspect:
Longterm studies in India (which has western style/love and traditional/arranged marriages) have shown that arranged marriages are getting less divorced plus have higher 'love' scores the longer they last.
Meaning for Lil Jay: Plan the economic foundation for your new family wisely and spend much time to discuss the serious commitment you will have to show to each other for the next 20 years. The love you have now for each other will change and may not be there at times, but can always come back.
I agree with all of this.. Author Elizabeth Gilbert, who researched marriage in many different cultures for her book, Committed, came to the following conclusion:
If you look at the history of marriage, anytime you see a conservative culture of arranged marriage being replaced by a more liberal culture of romantic marriage ... you will see divorce rates start to rise immediately.
It turns out that love is a very fragile notion upon which to base a very important and complicated institution. I think most people throughout history would look at the way we choose our marriages today and just think, my God, these people took huge risks. They risk their future, financial stability, property and their heirs on something as fragile and delicate as romantic affection.
Just food for thought regarding the 'love' aspect:
Longterm studies in India (which has western style/love and traditional/arranged marriages) have shown that arranged marriages are getting less divorced plus have higher 'love' scores the longer they last.
Meaning for Lil Jay: Plan the economic foundation for your new family wisely and spend much time to discuss the serious commitment you will have to show to each other for the next 20 years. The love you have now for each other will change and may not be there at times, but can always come back.
I agree with all of this.. Author Elizabeth Gilbert who researched marriage in many different cultures for her book Committed, came to the following conclusion:
If you look at the history of marriage, anytime you see a conservative culture of arranged marriage being replaced by a more liberal culture of romantic marriage ... you will see divorce rates start to rise immediately.
It turns out that love is a very fragile notion upon which to base a very important and complicated institution. I think most people throughout history would look at the way we choose our marriages today and just think, my God, these people took huge risks. They risk their future, financial stability, property and their heirs on something as fragile and delicate as romantic affection.
That's because a arranged marriage are usually more practical and realistic than the American Disney fantasy of, oh I'm in love, blah, blah,blah. Even though half the marriages in this country are going to end a failure.
Yes, I think that was the poster's point. Americans need to be a lot more realistic in their approach to marriage. If we would do that, maybe we wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate.
Title says it all. We've been together for a couple of years and our relationships is pretty good. Should I marry her, I Can't come up with any reason why not.
Are you in love with each other? I wouldn't marry just because of the baby, I would marry because I love my SO and want to spend the rest of my life with him/her.
Yes, if your relationship is pretty good you should do it for her, for you, and for your kid. I'm sure someone will flame me for this, but kids do better when born to parents who get married & stay married. Even more liberal researchers are admitting the following:
1....Marriage is a commitment that cohabitation is not. Taking a vow before friends and family to support another person “until death do us part” signals a mutual sense of shared responsibility that cannot be lightly dismissed. Cohabitation is more fragile — cohabiting parents split up before their fifth anniversary at about twice the rate of married parents.
2. Second, a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults.
3. Marriage brings economic benefits. Let's face it. It costs a lot more to run two households than it does one.
People who get married & stay married tend to both earn more and save more than they would individually.
I agree with this. If you love her, marry her. If you are worried about divorce or whatever, just get a prenup. ( one for each side)
I have known many couples who "had" to get married, and they are very happy.
If you absolutely do not want to get married, then don't. Just consider your options.
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