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I think there's a huge difference between a woman taking advantage of you, and an old-fashioned woman who is looking for a gentleman. This thread is about the latter kind of woman.
If you just met or barely know that person, it can be really hard to tell the difference..
Haha, the way you put it makes it sound ridiculous but that's not how I meant it. I wanted to say that I always - even before I met her - wanted to be like this, generous and gentleman-like, it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling to take care of a woman.
But people around here think you're weird if you try. We're all the same, egalitarian if you will. No woman needs to be taken care of, she can take of herself. Some local women even find this thought insulting. The only type of girls around here that would let you do this are gold diggers. No thanks. Chances are you end up with someone who is out for your money and that's definitely not what I want.
From my limited experience, this type of traditional courting is still much more alive in American dating culture. I might be stereotyping here, but IMHO many American women are still being raised with that traditional mindset that the man is supposed to treat her to everything.
In other words, I feel like an American woman is more likely to accept my behavior as a gesture of chivalry, and not as an opportunity to save cash or use me as a walking ATM. If a local woman lets you always pay for dates, 9 times out of 10, she's a gold digger. Simply because almost no one is still raised this way here. If an American woman lets you always pay for dates, she's more likely just old-fashioned with the best of intentions. It's just the way she was raised, she probably doesn't have any ulterior motive.
That is why I feel more comfortable treating her that way than I would be with any of the girls I met before.
I don't know if that makes any sense to you...
If it makes sense to you, then that's all that matters.
I lived in Europe for two years (Geneva Switzerland) a town where you see mostly luxury cars and $60-100k wrist watches being sold at every corner; dating around there can be quite expensive. I had to set a limited expenditure while dating, but being a young American guy wanting to have fun with Euro women, that was difficult to do. I did however, pay for every date Ive ever been on while there- because that's how this American guy rolls
There are some females on CD who are balls to the wall equal for all types. They want to be drafted for combat and hike 20 miles in full gear because that would mean equal in their mind. There are some females on CD who don't confuse the meaning of "equal" with the meaning of "same". And there are some females on CD who feel traditions must be upheld at the cost of being labeled a gold digger by the angry virgins.
On CD, types #1 and #3 dominate the threads because they're the most vocal, attacked the most and create the most discourse. In real life, most women are type #2.
In a nutshell, it depends on the vibe you're giving off and what views the woman holds on courtship. No one can speak for all American women.
In real life though, every woman I know appreciates courtship when it comes from a place of sincerity.
Different for every girl. Some American women flat out don't like courtship. I love courtship and do want to be a princess and made to feel special, otherwise I just feel like I'm a friend.
I agree, not so sure about the princess thing. OP, i will never complain if someone wants to treat me for dinner. At some point (in the near term) I'll reciprocate in other ways. Chipping in for tips, paying for outings, or cooking or whatever. I think courtship should last through the beginning phases and a little into the period of exclusivity and then it should change.
Gifts feel overboard to me. I am an independent woman so if there I something I want I usually just get it for myself. . Experiences are a better "gift."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn07
You're welcome
Yes. My mom always told me that a guy should always pay when going out/that's part of treating you right. Unfortunately it's very difficult to find a guy like that.
There is a magic age right around my age where men missed the gentleman memo. With slight variations according to region they grew up in.
One fun memory of high school (I went to high school in the south) really shocked my California friends. I was a flag girl in the marching band. And of course we had impractical for the weather outfits. These sleeveless outfits with palazzo pants. We had an away game in late fall, and it was really cold that night, in the 30s or 40s, but we had to stand around in our outfits with no jackets. It was almost show time. We were freezing!!!! Anyway some cute boys from the other school came by and gave us their coats while we waited. Then we hit the field and they went back to their seats. And that was the last time we talked to them! They had no expectations. . I was chatting with some friends about this incident, comparing CA guys with southern ones and my friends were like "the Cali boys would have come over and said "oh are you guys cold, we aren't because we have jackets!" They were shocked, and said no guy I wasn't dating had ever done something like that. Heck most guys I was dating didn't do that either. It is interesting how cultural expectations are different.
I grew up a little more old school, and it seems to shape who i date now. I usually can't date Cali guys, they don't open doors!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jzer21
It annoys me to no end when people equate being a gentleman or being chivalrous with how much cash you're willing to spend on the person you're dating. Paying for all of the dates in itself has nothing to do with being a gentleman. It simply means that you get off on being the provider in the relationship. If it works out for you, then great, go for it. But don't go mixing the two things together.
I agree and disagree. I do think there is a period when it is gentlemanly to pay, in the early stages. But after that, then my minimum gentleman standards relate to other things. Holding open doors, walking on the curb side, guiding me when appropriate. Waiting for me to sit down is nice. As is helping me with my coat. Standing when I leave the table is unnecessary, but nice during a fancy occasion. You don't have to throw your coat on the ground so I don't have to step in the puddle. Sharing your coat/helping me keep warm is good. That shows care. I guess that sums it up for me from the chivalry perspective.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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I've been paying for my Princess for over 30 years now....
Honestly, I always expect to pay. Don't mind when she pays though..
Oh and Jade, I always open the door, pull the chair out, etc etc.. The only time I walk into a door in front of her is when we come home to a dark house...
I've been paying for my Princess for over 30 years now....
Honestly, I always expect to pay. Don't mind when she pays though..
Oh and Jade, I always open the door, pull the chair out, etc etc.. The only time I walk into a door in front of her is when we come home to a dark house...
Wow! You are a rare bird for Cali. Are you over 35?
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,317 posts, read 8,658,778 times
Reputation: 6391
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Lol! I over looked that part of the comment. Yup. I am shocked if I meet a Cali guy under 40 who opens doors.
I've noticed the same thing with my son in law, I use to think he was a manner less guy, but your right, most his age are just like him.... Failure on my generation to teach them right...
Honestly, I don't think you should ask city-data this question because the answers you get tend to be COMPLETELY different than what you would get if you asked people in real life.
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. Experiences are a better "gift."
