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So they saw something in your profile that indicated incompatibility, even if it was just that you look too much like their cousin. So what?
The key is not to get attached until you have actually met the person, been dating a while, etc.
LOLwut? ;:-/ Where does rationale like this even begin to well up from?
Sometimes I read the posts on here, and I can picture nothing more than the theoretical posters sitting in front of an aging Core 2 Duo proc with a heroin needle sticking out of their respective arms'.
Maybe the wallpaper on the monitor is set really dark and they're really talking to their BPD reflections to no avail. Either way: So much WTF?!
I disagree. I'm a former model, compete in pageants, and I get a lot of attention in person. Online? Nope. I get messages from shady older men that are 30 years my senior, and guys who clearly just want to hook up. Even though I receive messages, if I send out messages, maybe one or two guys will respond. I even had someone accuse me of being a fake profile lol. It's not any easier. Plus, all I get is references to my looks and no one mentions my write up or asks me any questions about myself (or cares). I ended up taking my photos down and have a private album that I only reveal to favorites.
Back to the OP, honestly, it could be any little thing. Sometimes I get picky when I'm looking through profiles, and things like their interests, political views, desire for children, if they have a large aggressive looking pet dog etc etc makes me not want to respond because it's not a match in my view. I guess guys do the same thing, and kind of just sort through profiles/messages until they find girls they feel are attractive to them and match whatever additional criteria they have in their heads about what they want. Or at least that's what I tell myself lol. Don't take it personally, online dating just sucks
Thanks for this.
And agreed - I have really good looking friends who do/have done OLD and they get lots of "Hey, you're gorgeous" msgs, but no substance. I'm looking for substance, and I only msg guys who indicate in their profile that they are looking for the same - ie not just a hot blonde.
I get there are little things, and little turnoffs. There are a couple of guys that I really like from their profile, but one looked too much like my ex husband, and the other looked too much like my dad. So, no, I didn't message them, but if they messaged me I would respond honestly and tell them the truth. That's all I'm expecting, nothing more.
Anyway my original point in the first post was just to point out that women DO make first contact, DO reach out and get the same non-response that men get. So the guys who get on here and say that women never do that can come over and reference this thread.
It is clear to me from my experiences online dating that the large majority of men have highly unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like in her pictures. Not surprising , considering the culture we live in, and the fact that such a large proportion of men unreasonably believe they are qualified to "date out of their league."
MoonBeam33, could you have a girlfriend (or platonic guy friend) take an objective look at the profile you posted? Maybe they can give you some tips on presenting yourself better. This has helped me in the past.
Also, how are your pictures? The quality and variety of the pictures can be very important as well. A friend can help with this.
Finally, have you considered trying a paid site? While it's not always the case (and there's certainly plenty of flakes and players on all sites), my experience has been MUCH better with Match and Eharmony. The vast majority of guys on OC and POF are looking to play the field and are not relationship-oriented. There are exceptions, yes (friends of mine married from. POF). Why not give Match or Eharmony a try?
I've initiated contact with guys too and got no response. Even on Tinder where you both have to approve the match before you can communicate, but oh well. I don't worry about it. If someone wants to talk to you, they will.
Contacting people and not getting a response is par for the course with online dating. You get a lot of spam messages like "ur hot" and "hi" (not much substance). And when you send out messages most never reply. You have to really send out a lot of messages and be very flexible in who you send them to to get a good response rate. It's a pretty big time sink... the good ones just don't come to you easily. And yes, I met good men online (they weren't a good match for me, but they were still, good, decent men).
I kind of gave up on online dating recently because I figured out I just wasn't suited for it (mainly, it's me... I have a hard time with the idea of dating a perfect stranger. I prefer to get to know a guy socially over time, learn to trust him, realize I like him, THEN go out on a date). But if you are the type to like "blind dates" and that sort of thing, online dating can be a useful tool.
They way I thought of it was this: When you are doing online dating, it's like been in an insane asylum filled with hundreds of patients. You and maybe a few dozen people are the only sane ones... and your goal is to find one of those sane ones in a sea of insane people. It's a challenge and can wear you down emotionally--but take heart that the other sane ones are looking for you too.
I also don't think it's impolite to just not respond to a message. I can take a hint and have no desire to hear "Thanks, but no thanks."
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