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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikelizard860
And since you have ZERO idea if there will be chemisty, what's wrong with mass emailing and just saying hi? It's no different than walking into a bar so everyone can see you. Women will likely not see you unless you email them. There's a ton of guys on there
Go ahead, but expect abysmal response rates.
I don't want to meet all these people. When I was doing OLD I saw one, maybe two or so people a week I was actually interested in meeting. If I didn't want to meet them, why would I email them? Being cute/good looking is not enough. Not anywhere near enough, for me wanting to talk to them.
Generally the women that messaged me were outside of my age range, or further in distance than my search, and I treated those on a case by case basis, of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikelizard860
So you're technique is waiting for girls to message you? LOL....Well you must be great looking! You really think that's good advice for men having trouble getting a date? That's like saying wait for a job to call you and don't send out resumes
I'm lucky if I get one first email once a month and it's usually from someone I have zero attraction to(ie BBW)
That would be worst strategy I could use.
Did you miss the section where I said I wrote people too? It seems like you did.
You're absolutely wrong timberline. I've done online dating and have had multiple g/fs off of it. The technique of mass emailing is the only thing that works and will get you the most dates. I've done the personalized long emails and it does not work. Response rate was terrible. ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
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What works for me and for most of my guy friends is writing a good profile and responding to the women that message me. And very selectively writing women. Maybe one a week, if that....
Just like job searching. Selectively targeting companies and positions. Crafting an approach through connections, informational interviews, and writing high quality cover letters and emails... just mass mailing resumes doesn't do the trick for the good jobs. Most are never even posted.
This comes up a lot, guys who spam e-mail and guys who do targeted e-mails both claiming they work. I wonder if it all depends on the type of woman. I for one started asking a question in my profile and said I wouldn't respond at all unless the question was answered. It was a basic math question, what does 3x7 equal. That was so I could weed out the spam.
But every guy who took the time to answer that... I responded to him. Even if I wasn't interested, I responded because he took the time to look at my profile and see me as an individual he might like, not just a spammer who would take anyone or anything he got. To me, the spammer is like a guy standing in the middle of a room yelling, "hey, any lady want to go out with me?" I wouldn't respond to that either. But I would respond to a man walking up to me specifically and asking. To me, that's the difference.
But I believe Mikelizard when he says he gets results. I have no reason not to. It might be a different type of woman who responds to a mass e-mail.
I have to wonder what the difference in results are. Is there a difference in the personality of the dates each man gets? Do the relationships last or are they just one off dates for the most part? Or are the results the same... just the approach different.
But to me and others here "chemistry" takes a bit more than a "hello" to figure out. It's the whole picture of the person. Figuring out if everything meshes. And it takes time, but you can get a feeling for it on a first date (especially if it's not there).
Women have never experienced love at first site? I've seen it firsthand. They think he's the "one" after one date. One date is nothing. You know nothing about someone after 1 night and that shows that chemistry is superficial attraction. That butterfly/sparks/feeling. The feeling you want to kiss him/can't wait for him to call ect. It might feel "real", but it's nothing more than your brain tricking you with hormones based on environmental stimuli. Now all of that is fine. Just be self aware and take your time getting to know someone. And also understand that mad young love always fades, so it's a good idea to really figure out if you make "best friends" if you're looking for LTR. I'd lost women at hello. I see it in their eyes. I've also had women tell me that. They don't like him "like that", but they like him as friend.
Friend zone= great chemistry, but no instant sexual chemistry(ATTRACTION!)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I have to wonder what the difference in results are. Is there a difference in the personality of the dates each man gets? Do the relationships last or are they just one off dates for the most part? Or are the results the same... just the approach different.
Maybe there aren't differences in the number of actual dates. But the idea, even living in big cities like Boston, Chicago and San Francisco like have a fair amount of my adult life, that I would fine 50+ profiles or so I would want to write is just perplexing to me. 95% of the time I like the pic, I read the profile, and I back click as I instantly realize we're not compatible or looking for the same thing.
Why would I write them? It doesn't make any sense to me.
This comes up a lot, guys who spam e-mail and guys who do targeted e-mails both claiming they work. I wonder if it all depends on the type of woman. I for one started asking a question in my profile and said I wouldn't respond at all unless the question was answered. It was a basic math question, what does 3x7 equal. That was so I could weed out the spam.
But every guy who took the time to answer that... I responded to him. Even if I wasn't interested, I responded because he took the time to look at my profile and see me as an individual he might like, not just a spammer who would take anyone or anything he got. To me, the spammer is like a guy standing in the middle of a room yelling, "hey, any lady want to go out with me?" I wouldn't respond to that either. But I would respond to a man walking up to me specifically and asking. To me, that's the difference.
But I believe Mikelizard when he says he gets results. I have no reason not to. It might be a different type of woman who responds to a mass e-mail.
I have to wonder what the difference in results are. Is there a difference in the personality of the dates each man gets? Do the relationships last or are they just one off dates for the most part? Or are the results the same... just the approach different.
Jillabean, mass emailing sounds sleazy so a lot of guys don't want to admit to it.(Even though it absolutely is not! It's just hello and seeing if people are interested in talking)
Some guys also don't like to admit to being rejected to.
Three different types of guys....
1)Guys that lie and don't want to seem like they're getting rejected a lot.
2)Guys who complain about all their failures/cry me a river/friendzone guys
3)Guys that have a ton of success with women and everything comes easy and women chase them(5% of men) Dr. Mcdreamy lol
When I first stated doing online dating, I'd send out long personalized emails. Sent out 50 emails with zero replies. Again, not much different that the real world where I'd approach 50 women in coffee shops with same results. Women need to understand that most men have trouble finding a woman who feels a spark/attraction with them. It's really important for a man to put themselves out there. They can't wait around for a woman to approach them! I did the personalized emails for hundreds of emails. It was terrible. Started mass emailing and suddenly had one week where I had 3 dates in one week and the next week 2. After months with ZERO dates. It was obvious what the effective strategy was for a average joe.
Women have never experienced love at first site? I've seen it firsthand. They think he's the "one" after one date. One date is nothing. You know nothing about someone after 1 night and that shows that chemistry is superficial attraction. That butterfly/sparks/feeling. The feeling you want to kiss him/can't wait for him to call ect. It might feel "real", but it's nothing more than your brain tricking you with hormones based on environmental stimuli. Now all of that is fine. Just be self aware and take your time getting to know someone. And also understand that mad young love always fades, so it's a good idea to really figure out if you make "best friends" if you're looking for LTR. I'd lost women at hello. I see it in their eyes. I've also had women tell me that. They don't like him "like that", but they like him as friend.
Friend zone= great chemistry, but no instant sexual chemistry(ATTRACTION!)
I didn't say they didn't fall in love at first sight. I just corrected you that men are the ones who claim to fall in love at first sight more often. And love at first sight /= chemistry. Women you lost at hello--could have been a number of reasons. You weren't their physical type, they had a boyfriend, etc.
Like I said, after one date you can get a feel if there MIGHT be chemistry--a lot depends on the type of date and how long it is. 12 hour date? Maybe. 30 Minute coffee date, not so much. Usually, on a first date it's that feeling that there isn't chemistry at all. Something about the person really rubs you the wrong way. It could be looks, but it could also be their personality or their smell... who knows. And I have never in my life had butterflies, sparks, and all that nonsense for a man I didn't know (re: man I met thought online dating). I might be nervous about the date itself (hope he shows, hope I don't do something stupid and make a fool out of myself, etc) but in the end, but that's it. I don't even care if he calls again for the most part.
Now, I HAVE had that butterfly feeling and such for men I knew ahead of time... men I got to know before dating. Men I met offline: learned about them, realized I liked them, realized I was attracted to them, then dated. But again, that took time.
I do agree with you about young love and making sure you'd be best friends too. No argument there.
Maybe there aren't differences in the number of actual dates. But the idea, even living in big cities like Boston, Chicago and San Francisco like have a fair amount of my adult life, that I would fine 50+ profiles or so I would want to write is just perplexing to me. 95% of the time I like the pic, I read the profile, and I back click as I instantly realize we're not compatible or looking for the same thing.
Why would I write them? It doesn't make any sense to me.
You can't find 50 people you'd want a first coffee date with on a dating site in boston? There's thousands of profiles with attractive/sometimes gorgeous women. Sorry bro, don't believe you. Profiles are generally vauge, unless women is crazy ranting and raving. I avoid those. You have to meet and talk to someone to get ot know really know them
Oh and miranda kerr is a victoria secret supermodel lol
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikelizard860
You can't find 50 people you'd want a first coffee date with on a dating site in boston? There's thousands of profiles with attractive/sometimes gorgeous women. Sorry bro, don't believe you.
Oh and miranda kerr is a victoria secret supermodel lol
Fine. Don't believe me. Again, you're not reading what I said. I said I read their profiles and back click out 95% of the time since I realize we're not compatible and there is no reason to email someone I don't see as compatible.
That should be common sense, but you seem to think that if they're good looking that is all that matters as far as wanting to meet, so we're clearly on a different page.
A lot of the dates I got were from women in Denver and other locals in Summit County. A lot of them were just working the season at the mountain or whatever. There's also a hospital here so that helps the ratio too. There's tons of tourist women that use OLD that are just looking for a fling on vacation too. I haven't had much success as far as relationships go from OLD, but I've definitely had a lot of dates and fun from it.
I have a buddy in Kremmling (north of Silverthorne) who I keep trying to get on OLD. There's slim pickings (as in next to none) for your 20-something guys in those mountain towns.
Women you lost at hello--could have been a number of reasons. You weren't their physical type, they had a boyfriend, etc.
I've been on COUNTLESS online dates and I lose most at hello. I can see that "eww" look. It's unmistakable. I don't derail the date, but I can tell. I look exactly like my pics. Many times, I'll approach, they see me and have this HUGE smile on their face and soon as I say hello....booom....it's over. I wish I had a hidden camera to show you. I maintain confidence through the date and be myself. I don't let one look dictate things/destroy the date. BUt this is happened multiple times that I can't even count. As a man, you probably have to meet 15 women to find one that finds you sexually attractive. Also, many times we get along great, but they only want to be friends. Classic simple lack of sexual attraction. The women can't help it. It's how they feel. Just wish I wasn't having my hopes/excitement go up for nothing. It's very frustrating. You can't even really get to know someone on one date. It's a simple test of attraction.
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