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A man can tell if there's "chemistry" by looking at your pictures. Show me a full length picture of a pretty girl and I'll know if I'm attracted to her in "that way". The whole "chemistry" thing is definitely a female thing. GUYS BE HONEST HERE! Don't B.S. We all know what the real deal is on how we as men feel.
It takes a women a few seconds in person meeting to tell if it's there, so the "chemistry" is superficial. Ladies, how many times have you had "chemistry" with a complete a-hole. Chemistry is just instant superficial in person sexual attraction. Just sexual instincts. Nothing to do with what's inside a person.
I am not a man, but I don't think anyone can know chemistry by looks. Think about it. What is chemistry outside of relationships? It's when you mix a bunch of stuff together and see if there is a reaction, right? I think the term "chemistry" comes from the idea that you mix a bunch of traits of you and that other person together and see if there is mutual interest. I also think chemistry has lost it's meaning because without looks that both are mutually attracted to, there usually is no chemistry (so people think it's about looks). But if take away anything important and there is no chemistry. You both might look great to each other but if he or she doesn't have a kind personality and is mean and you can't stand that... probably no chemistry.
Looks figure into chemistry just like hydrogen would figure into a chemical reaction. But one thing sitting by itself doesn't make a chemical reaction and one facet of a human being (looks, personality, humor, etc) doesn't make "chemistry" you have to mix them all together to get the chemistry. And I for one, can't tell that from a picture and a few e-mails. I say just meet and see if you click.
The disparity decreases a lot as one's age increases. I suspect that the more desirable young women, say the upper third, only keep their profiles active for a week or two at a time, as that is all the time they need to line up a half dozen solid prospects, and this magnifies the disparity. And, has been said location is critical.
@MarshallV, surprised you have had success on OLD in Vail, all the CO ski towns are kind of sausage fests, at least per census data. I assume you are older, or perhaps your OLD success was before moving to vail.
A lot of the dates I got were from women in Denver and other locals in Summit County. A lot of them were just working the season at the mountain or whatever. There's also a hospital here so that helps the ratio too. There's tons of tourist women that use OLD that are just looking for a fling on vacation too. I haven't had much success as far as relationships go from OLD, but I've definitely had a lot of dates and fun from it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I don't know who Miranda Kerr is, but yes, I've gone out with women who are objectively very good looking and felt no chemistry. We just don't have chemistry. It happens. A lot. Real chemistry is hard to find. Good looking people are all over.
I never mentioned love. That is something else entirely.
But physical good looks does not attraction make. It helps, but they're not the same. A person can be a total babe physically and very unattractive. I think I would be "cursed" if all I needed to want to get to know someone are some good physical features.
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Originally Posted by jillabean
Looks figure into chemistry just like hydrogen would figure into a chemical reaction. But one thing sitting by itself doesn't make a chemical reaction and one facet of a human being (looks, personality, humor, etc) doesn't make "chemistry" you have to mix them all together to get the chemistry. And I for one, can't tell that from a picture and a few e-mails. I say just meet and see if you click.
Yes, and you can have the good looks, and all the checklist traits, and it still happens that there is no chemistry. No spark. It just isn't there! And there is nothing anyone can do to force it.
I have success in real life and in the little bit of online dating I've done, had no results. I asked some semi-attractive women how many emails they get daily and they said it's sometimes hundreds, usually at least a hundred a day.
That's just insane. I'll stick to in person, works better. Even the most approachable attractive woman can't be getting approached in person more then a dozen times a day, I'll take that over a few hundred. Plus I feel like my bio comes off as made up or exaggerated even though it isn't, so either I neuter myself and blend in with the masses or come off as fake or full-o-myself. I'm kind of awesome like that I guess, lol!
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Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
They are lying, sorry
Yes they are.
It's common to receive a lot when first joining because you're new and people are curious, but it tapers off once you've been on there for a while. But hundreds? Yeah, no. On OKC you can see how many views your profile gets in a week. If the average is, say, 100 for women then how is she getting a hundred in a day? In their forum, in the A list section, members talk about the average profile views and messages, and a hundred a day is not the norm for semi-attractive or really attractive anyone.
I received more messages on PoF because it has more users, and the dynamic of the site is different in many ways. When I first started using it I'd get 50+ a day, but this is PoF, and in the area/demographic contributed to that as well.
It's also been my experience when I was online dating. I would say 80% are 30+ overweight single moms.
I'd like to meet an average built guy with no kids. About 70-85% of the matches I get on OKC are overweight, single fathers. It can go both ways.
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Originally Posted by jillabean
My online dating experience was lots of guys spamming me with "hi! how r u"
I got one last night asking if I work for Goodwill, which was followed up immediately by saying that was a joke. At least this one used capital letters and punctuation marks for the first part but I have no idea how the hell to respond to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
and every guy that could actually construct a sentence ... or if he was normal figured I was his soul mate and wanted to talk marriage after a couple of dates (moved way, way too fast for me).
Had one who was trying to determine which one of us would make sense to ultimately move to be with the other and who told me he'd stopped looking. We never met in person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
Of course, I think online dating experience varies by age, area, and site you are on too.
Agreed. I know more people in this area who say it's a joke and a waste of time than who feel it's successful, though I do also know a handful of success stories (and by that I mean 4 couples I can think of off the top of my head in which the end goal and end result was marriage).
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
No. Men usually outnumber women anywhere people are looking to meet romantically. I've heard online dating is a particular sausage fest.
In this area, at any given event (including those typically male dominated, like sporting events), the women are likely to outnumber the men two or three to one.
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Originally Posted by metamorphosis
I certainly am not a woman that gets hundreds of views, emails, likes or winks ... I've had a handful - I would never expect "hundreds" - of messages from guys who initiated the contact. When I message back with open-ended questions or an attempt at some sort of dialogue, they don't respond. I don't get that. Why bother in the first place?
Since joining OKC in mid-May, I've received 35 messages. Fifteen of those men no longer have accounts. About half were from men who were outside of my age and/or distance ranges. I contacted 6; only 2 responded and I did meet one of them. It looks like I have a couple of messages I never read because I haven't been checking the site. They are in my filtered folder and apparently, you don't get an email notification for those.
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Originally Posted by timberline742
But physical good looks does not attraction make. It helps, but they're not the same. A person can be a total babe physically and very unattractive.
I've known people on both sides like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yes, and you can have the good looks, and all the checklist traits, and it still happens that there is no chemistry. No spark. It just isn't there! And there is nothing anyone can do to force it.
I'd like to meet an average built guy with no kids. About 70-85% of the matches I get on OKC are overweight, single fathers. It can go both ways.
I got one last night asking if I work for Goodwill, which was followed up immediately by saying that was a joke. At least this one used capital letters and punctuation marks for the first part but I have no idea how the hell to respond to it.
Had one who was trying to determine which one of us would make sense to ultimately move to be with the other and who told me he'd stopped looking. We never met in person.
Agreed. I know more people in this area who say it's a joke and a waste of time than who feel it's successful, though I do also know a handful of success stories (and by that I mean 4 couples I can think of off the top of my head in which the end goal and end result was marriage).
In this area, at any given event (including those typically male dominated, like sporting events), the women are likely to outnumber the men two or three to one.
Since joining OKC in mid-May, I've received 35 messages. Fifteen of those men no longer have accounts. About half were from men who were outside of my age and/or distance ranges. I contacted 6; only 2 responded and I did meet one of them. It looks like I have a couple of messages I never read because I haven't been checking the site. They are in my filtered folder and apparently, you don't get an email notification for those.
I've known people on both sides like this.
Exactly.
Do you work for Goodwill? Because I want to schedule a pick up!
(Idk. I'm guessing that's where he was going with that. Hehe.)
I agree about chemistry. You can't tell from a picture! What if you meet her and she has a facial tic, or if he has a horrible voice/accent? (I really can't get past the grating working class Philly accent here.) All of that also plays a part in chemistry.
IMO, from talking to my girlfriends, who don't use OLD, and talking to those at work who do, I think that men use OLD as another resource, meaning that most have some profile somewhere, even if they have a girlfriend or wife. And women tend to only use it when they are too busy with family or career. And those women who do use it, tend to be looking for a LTR, this is just my observation with a few dozen people, not the 100's and 100's like mr. popularity.
Online dating is a pure numbers game. It's entirely like applying for a job.
Have a set message ready (around 2-3 paragraphs introducing yourself and some filler for a specific lady's profile). Spam that message to every woman on the website that you find semi-attractive.
On the guy's side, expect a return of around 1 in 50 or so messages. Not sure about the woman's side.
Also, the goal of online dating is to meet offline. By the second message you should have the lady's phone number and perchance a Starbucks to meet up in. Three or more messages back and forth becomes a waste of time and effort.
Also, paid websites have substantially higher female count than free ones. OKC's assertion that dating websites shouldn't charge people is bull****; free websites results in flakers and fake accounts who clog up the system.
I am not a man, but I don't think anyone can know chemistry by looks. Think about it. What is chemistry outside of relationships? It's when you mix a bunch of stuff together and see if there is a reaction, right? I think the term "chemistry" comes from the idea that you mix a bunch of traits of you and that other person together and see if there is mutual interest. I also think chemistry has lost it's meaning because without looks that both are mutually attracted to, there usually is no chemistry (so people think it's about looks). But if take away anything important and there is no chemistry. You both might look great to each other but if he or she doesn't have a kind personality and is mean and you can't stand that... probably no chemistry.
I absolutely can know if there's chemistry from looks. I don't know if we'll get along though and our personalities will mesh. That's different. That's personality, not chemistry. Women can feel chemistry from "hello" or within 30 seconds. What exactly is that a mix of? There's no way that's enough time to figure out a person's personality. It's a biological reaction to his body/language/posture/sound of his voice/looks/vibe/feeling. You can't put your finger on it, but it's there. That's classic animal mating INSTINCT. You can't rationalize it, but you feel it. This instinct is more pronounced in women. Men are more visual. These are all superficial aspects of "chemistry"/attraction. Women are much more oriented towards this type of in person feeling/attraction then men are generally. For me personally and vast majority of men I know, attraction is based on looks, nice body, nice smile, legs/ how thin/curves ect. Then it becomes personality. Does this person get my jokes? Do we get along?
Would we be friends if we weren't attracted to each other is my biggest question. That actually is the complete opposite of how women view chemistry/spark. They will friend zone a guy they really like and get along with because they have no sexual attraction to them if though they get along great. The chemistry is seprate for a women from the friendship. It's a "feeling" they have almost immediately in most cases and in my cases it blinds them to what the guy is really about. "lust" can make you not see things clearly.
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Why is online dating so extremely one sided??
