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I've literally seen 100s and 100s of men, many good looking/cool guys who are able to have success in real life, say that the only way they got any responses at all online is to go after women way less attractive than themselves. That really seems to be the only way to succeed as a man in OLD - if you're good looking, fit, young, successful, go after 35 year old overweight moms
What causes the monstrous disparity?
I find most guys vastly overestimate their attractiveness and appeal while having high expectations for female beauty. Often times I find a guy who is a 6 but thinks he's a 8 and thinks gals who are 7s are really 5s. So to him he's seeking way less attractive gals but the gals are often in or around his attractiveness.
I find most guys vastly overestimate their attractiveness and appeal while having high expectations for female beauty. Often times I find a guy who is a 6 but thinks he's a 8 and thinks gals who are 7s are really 5s. So to him he's seeking way less attractive gals but the gals are often in or around his attractiveness.
I don't buy that. I think most normal people are self aware enough to know where they stand. They just reach for the stars..
7-9 years ago I knew I wasn't appealing to women, I was toothpick thin and looked really young. Now I have 10% body fat and a lot of muscle, I can tell the difference just the way strangers, women and men both treat me. I don't feel nearly as athletic as I was back then though, for my sport. It drives me nuts that my one buddy can have a perfect swimmers body and jawline, he's never worked out a day in his life and has a poor diet to boot. Just has god like genetics I guess! I can't wait till he starts getting fat and has to go to the gym. Lol
Looks tromp everything really, it's the first impression. The best looking guys and girls get messages, the rest of us have to put in work!
I don't buy that. I think most normal people are self aware enough to know where they stand. They just reach for the stars..
7-9 years ago I knew I wasn't appealing to women, I was toothpick thin and looked really young. Now I have 10% body fat and a lot of muscle, I can tell the difference just the way strangers, women and men both treat me. I don't feel nearly as athletic as I was back then though, for my sport. It drives me nuts that my one buddy can have a perfect swimmers body and jawline, he's never worked out a day in his life and has a poor diet to boot. Just has god like genetics I guess! I can't wait till he starts getting fat and has to go to the gym. Lol
Looks tromp everything really, it's the first impression. The best looking guys and girls get messages, the rest of us have to put in work!
Truth. If i dont find you physically attractive you might as well be a lamp because i wont message you. First impressions are lasting ones.
Perhaps because they are used to doing well in person based off of their appearance, they don't do well online. Not everyone's personality translates well through writing. More attractive, intelligent women will consider your profile heavily and the content of your initial message can be the deciding factor if you're in some grey area of attractiveness & profile content. If these guys are sending "hey ur hott" messages or canned lines, then they're not going to do that well, even if they have decent photos.
However, I think men really do overrate their appearances, and they seem to want someone a lot more attractive than they are, without offering much to compensate for it.
Also, some OKCupid article noted that their male users disproportionately message only the "best looking" women, even of they are not the "best looking" men. Women are more likely to respond to and message "average" looking guys. So that kind of blows the OP's theory....the reality is men not being realistic about what they can attract.
Perhaps because they are used to doing well in person based off of their appearance, they don't do well online. Not everyone's personality translates well through writing. More attractive, intelligent women will consider your profile heavily and the content of your initial message can be the deciding factor if you're in some grey area of attractiveness & profile content. If these guys are sending "hey ur hott" messages or canned lines, then they're not going to do that well, even if they have decent photos.
Also, some OKCupid article noted that their male users disproportionately message only the "best looking" women, even of they are not the "best looking" men. Women are more likely to respond to and message "average" looking guys. So that kind of blows the OP's theory....the reality is men not being realistic about what they can attract.
Men are taught to pursue. Women are taught to wait. Women approaching average guys is the safer route because average guys are thirsty for attention and wont reject her. She knows the attractive guys have too many options and doesnt want her feelings hurt if he doesnt reply.
Men are taught to pursue. Women are taught to wait. Women approaching average guys is the safer route because average guys are thirsty for attention and wont reject her. She knows the attractive guys have too many options and doesnt want her feelings hurt if he doesnt reply.
This includes responding though... women will respond more to average men than men respond to average women, even if those men are average also.
I don't buy that. I think most normal people are self aware enough to know where they stand. They just reach for the stars..
7-9 years ago I knew I wasn't appealing to women, I was toothpick thin and looked really young. Now I have 10% body fat and a lot of muscle, I can tell the difference just the way strangers, women and men both treat me. I don't feel nearly as athletic as I was back then though, for my sport. It drives me nuts that my one buddy can have a perfect swimmers body and jawline, he's never worked out a day in his life and has a poor diet to boot. Just has god like genetics I guess! I can't wait till he starts getting fat and has to go to the gym. Lol
Looks tromp everything really, it's the first impression. The best looking guys and girls get messages, the rest of us have to put in work!
Agreed, but just want to add that facial aesthetics > muscles. I'm 6'1" and only weigh 160-165. But, I have a defined jawline and high cheekbones(thank you Native heritage!). Both genders go by looks first. If looks aren't there, the rest doesn't matter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
However, I think men really do overrate their appearances, and they seem to want someone a lot more attractive than they are, without offering much to compensate
for it.
Both genders overrate their attractiveness. Most people in general think they're better looking than they think they are.
Quote:
Also, some OKCupid article noted that their male users disproportionately message only the "best looking" women, even of they are not the "best looking" men. Women are more likely to respond to and message "average" looking guys. So that kind of blows the OP's theory....the reality is men not being realistic about what they can attract.
I recall reading that study. But to be fair, neither gender is realistic when it comes to knowing who they can attract. We all want the best, but very few of us can attract cream of the crop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yshudicare
Men are taught to pursue. Women are taught to wait. Women approaching average guys is the safer route because average guys are thirsty for attention and wont reject her. She knows the attractive guys have too many options and doesnt want her feelings hurt if he doesnt reply.
That's the same as guys going for average looking girls and ignoring the most attractive. This is why the most attractive generally aren't on dating sites. They get enough attention IRL. While I've gotten sufficient attention on OLD, I get even more IRL.
Most men online are either looking to hook-up, or they message women that appear more attractive than the type of women they approach in real life.
John Smith will flirt with 6's and 7's at the local hotspot, but messages 8's, 9's and 10's in OLD. Combine that with the numbers disparity, and the pickings become slim, very quickly.
Most men online are either looking to hook-up, or they message women that appear more attractive than the type of women they approach in real life.
John Smith will flirt with 6's and 7's at the local hotspot, but messages 8's, 9's and 10's in OLD. Combine that with the numbers disparity, and the pickings become slim, very quickly.
Most of those 9s and 10s on OLD are either fake profiles or attention seeking.
"Hot" people have more options, but they aren't necessarily happier in the dating world. A girl that is a 9/10, will not be approached by average guys. Super attractive men and extremely confident men will approach her. The super attractive men can woo most women if they have any personality and character....plenty of competition for the hot woman. Extremely confident men tend to have negative traits (arrogance, narcissism etc.) that cancel out what appears to be an advantage.
Average people seem to always find other average people and are happy.
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