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Can chemistry be felt by only one person? I started seeing a guy a few months ago and halfway through our first date I knew that I liked him. I was instantly drawn in. When he leaned in to kiss me I felt like an electric rush. I've never experienced what that's like before, to actually desire somebody. We dated a few weeks but he eventually broke it off and I'm just confused because I really thought we had that "spark". We got intimate every time we hung out so I know there was something sexual between us. Am I confusing attraction with chemistry? He told me he didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.
Personally, I don't think that the "spark" actually exists. You thought he was hot and you liked talking to him so you felt this way. He didn't. So he would describe your situation as "not having a spark".
The "spark" and chemistry are inventions from media like Disney, not something that actually exists.
Can chemistry be felt by only one person? I started seeing a guy a few months ago and halfway through our first date I knew that I liked him. I was instantly drawn in. When he leaned in to kiss me I felt like an electric rush. I've never experienced what that's like before, to actually desire somebody. We dated a few weeks but he eventually broke it off and I'm just confused because I really thought we had that "spark". We got intimate every time we hung out so I know there was something sexual between us. Am I confusing attraction with chemistry? He told me he didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.
Are you kidding? Why would you think that both people would automatically feel the same way? What a question!
Just because YOU desire someone, has absolutely NO bearing on how they feel about you. And yes, what you are speaking of, is attraction.
Personally, I don't think that the "spark" actually exists. You thought he was hot and you liked talking to him so you felt this way. He didn't. So he would describe your situation as "not having a spark".
The "spark" and chemistry are inventions from media like Disney, not something that actually exists.
I think the "spark" and chemistry is when neither person has to do anything they don't want to do to attract the other. It's all natural, it's all real. In honesty, their relationship is much more wholesome and stronger than people who have to "put it on". Kind of like the guy who takes you out in his bassboat for a late night cruise around the lake because he (a) doesn't know any better or (b) doesn't care.
That dinner under candlelight for two at the most expensive place in town is reserved for people playing "the game". And check those threads, you only dress like that at church, weddings and funerals. It's not you......
I think the "spark" and chemistry is when neither person has to do anything they don't want to do to attract the other. It's all natural, it's all real. In honesty, their relationship is much more wholesome and stronger than people who have to "put it on". Kind of like the guy who takes you out in his bassboat for a late night cruise around the lake because he (a) doesn't know any better or (b) doesn't care.
That dinner under candlelight for two at the most expensive place in town is reserved for people playing "the game". And check those threads, you only dress like that at church, weddings and funerals. It's not you......
I think that's just an example of compatibility. Combine that with mutual physical attraction and you have this "spark" that everyone speaks of.
"Chemistry" is an ineffable and slippery term. In one sense, it's basically attraction – not just physical attraction, but attraction to personality, to character traits and so forth. In another sense, it's a feeling of comfort and ease in the other person's presence, whether or not one is attracted to him/her. "Chemistry" implies a dissolution of boundaries – the first step towards any form of bonding, whether it be romantic partners or two diplomats negotiating a nuclear disarmament treaty.
An excellent example of non-romantic chemistry is that between the three hosts of the hit British television show "Top Gear". The show is ultimately successful not because of the astonishing stunts or beautiful cinematography, but because of the chemistry between the hosts. They can insult and abuse each other playfully, never outright taking offense, keeping the cadence going. Is this an act? In part, it must be; after all, they are actors in front of an audience. But there must also be something genuine there.
The same, I think, holds for a romantic relationship. In its first stages, it's in part an act. If eventually the acting diminishes and genuine fondness develops in its stead, well, that's "chemistry". If not - well, politeness and a show of interest are still possible, but chemistry is absent; or rather, this is when the chemistry is asymmetric, and soon the relationship collapses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Just like an actual chemistry experiment, it takes more than one substance to create a reaction, otherwise it's just a liquid in a beaker. Chemistry is something felt between two people. If it's only felt on one side, it's not chemistry.
The initial burst of chemistry can be asymmetric, where one person feels strongly drawn to the other, but not vice versa. However, this burst can't be long sustained unless the other person reciprocates. Barring that, the initial chemistry is vitiated, and settles into mixture of confusion and wistful regret.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steen324
I think I really liked him and made it too obvious from the start because I really couldn't help it. I think being more mysterious is better.
I disagree. If there is potential for genuine chemistry from both sides, an effusive openness is quite sensible. Mysterious waffling is only suitable if the objective is manipulation or something short-term, as opposed to overtures towards a lifelong relationship.
I think that's just an example of compatibility. Combine that with mutual physical attraction and you have this "spark" that everyone speaks of.
Well, I think men at least get more chemistry and spark feelings when they don't have to worry about trust anymore. Not the cheating kind of trust. Real trust, like you can have unprotected sex with her and not get anything. You can leave your wallet out and it never drops so much as a buck. Your .45 in the nightstand never crosses her mind when she is PMSing. "That" KIND OF TRUST!!
What I am saying is....I would like to at experience a relationship where both of us feel the same way about each other.
All my semi "romantic" encounters have all been one sided. It's frustrating. I would never in a million years try to force myself to feel anything for anyone. That's pointless. I would just hate to leave to leave this world not knowing at all what it's like to have an intimate bond with someone.
That's really all it is.
Yeah. One-sided is horrible. All of my affairs have been one-sided, either on their end, or mine.
Some of it was school, and a little since, plus other things. The number of guys where things were one-sided, either on my end, or their's is around 40-without going into too much detail
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That's all of my affairs with the opposite sex. So, if a guy I liked actually liked me back, and we could be together, I would be in shock at this point, since it's only something I dream about-literally.
But it happens to everyone, at least once where they like someone who doesn't like them at all, or doesn't like them as much. It may happen more for others, but still happens. And it's not chemistry.
Just attraction, but you crave chemistry. Like how some get infatuation and love confused. There's a difference, but emotions and feelings can really throw some people.
As Liberty2011 has already stated, if it's only being felt by one person it's not "chemistry", it's only attraction.
So you are being shot down by people you are "attracted" to, not people you have chemistry with.
He was very attracted to me. The problem was that I came on too strong. In his words "too serious too soon." I was just excited that I finally found someone I really liked, 90% of the time I don't feel attracted to anyone.
He was very attracted to me. The problem was that I came on too strong. In his words "too serious too soon." I was just excited that I finally found someone I really liked, 90% of the time I don't feel attracted to anyone.
You can come on fast and hard as most guys won't mind one bit. Just keep it in a playful manor at first. Not like the lady who knows more about your personal business than you do. Ie Googler and researchers. That freaks most of us out. Guys don't like pushy jealous women either. If he says he has somebody, leave it at that. Don't ask 100 questions about the other woman.
Personally, I don't think that the "spark" actually exists. You thought he was hot and you liked talking to him so you felt this way. He didn't. So he would describe your situation as "not having a spark".
The "spark" and chemistry are inventions from media like Disney, not something that actually exists.
You know what's interesting? I can't be intimate within someone that I don't feel this supposed "spark" with. So I guess other people can? We were pretty intimate every time we were together, >5 times.
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. The number of guys where things were one-sided, either on my end, or their's is around 40-without going into too much detail
