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It was a lot of work for me. I tend to be tenacious, so that helps. People thought I was cold and "witchy" because I was shy. I knew that wasn't true and I decided to change things. What I did was just force myself to start talking to people, look at them (not my feet)... I'd talk about anything. I'd get really nervous and my heart would pound... I wanted to run, but I *made* myself do it. I also forced myself to look at people's faces and smile at them (which was hard for me too). I set goals to talk to X amount of people a day/smile at everyone I met, etc. In time, it got easier and easier and I relaxed. Now I am extremely personable and people think of me as outgoing and friendly. My true personality (which was bottled up for years) is now on the surface.
Amazing! If only our perennially shy guys would do this!
Amazing! If only our perennially shy guys would do this!
I've talked about it before in threads about the subject... it's why I feel for these shy guys so much because I can empathize with them. I know how they feel and what it's like. And what I did was hard and like I said, I think my own unusual innate tenaciousness and "never give up" spirit had a lot to do with it. I think a lot of people who were like I was would benefit from a therapist's help to give them that extra push.
Yeah, men here seem to think women have it so easy because they're women.
When I was in college I knew plenty of women - college aged in their 20s - that were single and didn't get that many dates. They were the less attractive and/or charismatic ones. People here forget that charisma (a different kind than a man's) is important for women too. Even if she was attractive - but too quiet and stand-offish - she wouldn't have that much luck. Granted, more than a man in a similar situation - a quiet and shy male will get zero dates - but quiet and shy women only do marginally better.
The irony is that these guys know sooooo much about what is going on in the private lives of women their age, when in fact they rarely speak to any of them.
I wonder, where does their "information" come from?
I know some guys who are shy and they never pursue women. They'd rather play video games, play on their laptops, and not have to deal with the insanity that comes with dating. One of them told me he'd rather download and watch porn than approach a real woman because they're too much work.
I know some guys who are shy and they never pursue women. They'd rather play video games, play on their laptops, and not have to deal with the insanity that comes with dating. One of them told me he'd rather download and watch porn than approach a real woman because they're too much work.
I know a few guys like this. One of my best friends, actually. He just sits and plays games all day, then watches porn. The sad thing is, he's a better looking guy than I am, and in better shape too.
I know a few guys like this. One of my best friends, actually. He just sits and plays games all day, then watches porn. The sad thing is, he's a better looking guy than I am, and in better shape too.
I'm 30 - on the line of your division - but Ive been posting here on and off for years. I was maybe 23-24 when I started posting here. I don't recall my sign up date and don't feel like checking, but I found my way to this sub forum early on.
My point is, I WAS a 20-something woman who was regular poster at one time :P
Most young women, from the time they reach puberty till they get to be about 30 ish are at the prime of their attractiveness to men, they're very busy with dating, and or real relationships. Why would they be here? Most young guys in the same age group are trying to figure out how to hustle these same women, and get an edge over all the competition.
Most women over 30 or 40 have already been mowed over by said jerkwads in their games, and we 're on here to tell you to quit being such jerkwads and you won't have the problems you are having...but, since you are young jerkwads, you won't listen to anyone anyway, so, did that answer your question?
Why would a man in this situation want this kind of women wouldn't he be better off with women who never dated like him?
But you know, there is a double standard of sorts. This is a generality, but if a young man doesn't get dates, society tends to blame women (women are too picky, out having fun, selecting "alpha guys"). He gets sympathy and told to just keep working on himself and things will improve in time as women will wise up and see what a good catch he is. If a young woman doesn't get dates, well, society blames her. There must be something wrong with her because "it's easy for young women to get dates." She must be fat, or too picky, or something along those lines. It's not the fault of men or something that will come in time, she's doing something "wrong." So there is a bit of a stigma to it and you keep it to yourself, a young woman also blames herself. But as a woman who had a hard time when young, I can tell you that's not always true.
I disagree. I don't think society has much sympathy at all for men who can't find dates. And telling someone they need to 'work on themselves' is a kind way of saying they're a loser the way it is now.
I don't think it's any better for women though.
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