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Dude, there's no need to rush into anything. How long have you been with this chick? Are you really thinking about popping the question, or was your OP more of a general question for evaluating where you're at? This woman may not be for you. She sounds a little flakey. Maybe a lot flakey. There are women out there who are mellow, and maintain good hygene and comb their hair, and have a regular sleep schedule, and are able to keep regular work hours without calling in just because they overslept. Your gf's issues aren't normal. Is this your first gf?
Not first, but first serious long term one with which the possibility of marriage has been discussed.
Not first, but first serious long term one with which the possibility of marriage has been discussed.
With all that stuff going on you described, talk of marriage is way premature, if not inappropriate completely. She sounds either too young, or too messed up. Not marriage material in her current state, IMO.
I've found that I think comments such as "I can't imagine life without you", "I've never loved anyone like this", etc. are best taken with a grain of salt. Would you agree?
Well, I would now. I was very trusting back when this happened to me. Since then I have spoken with quite a few women who were as trusting as I was, and fell for the same ploy.
Although come to think of it, I have to say that my husband and I say stuff like this to each other all the time. The difference is we say it after 23 years of marriage, but he didn't start saying it right after the first date.
I call BS on this. Spooning can get very uncomfortable physically for a guy. I almost always rolled over after a while. It had nothing to do with "dancing away."
I get what you are saying, but I wasn't talking about a change of position that takes place in a single night. I was talking about the guy who at first habitually and constantly has to be touching you (spooning, arm/leg draped over you, head on shoulder etc.) for nearly the entire night, every night. And then at the point where the woman feels good about the relationship and starts to feel like this is real and she can depend on him to be there, he becomes emotionally distant, which is echoed in the fact that at that point, he usually starts hanging off the far side of the bed.
This has happened to me, and then (unfortunately, after, not before) I actually read about this tendency in this type of person.
Not you, I'm sure, you sound like a normal guy, like my husband, who cuddles or spoons a bit and then rolls over and goes to sleep.
Oh yes, I've had a few of these. They want you, they don't want you, they want you...it sucks. Usually when you finally decide you've had enough they'll go oh crap and out again comes the charm to suck you back in.
Yup, mine sucked me back in once and then when he was certain that I trusted him again, he dumped me for a second time. At that point, though it hurt, I decided for my own sanity that even if he did come back, I had to be through with him for good.
He had a key to my apartment, so just to make sure I would stay strong, I had the locks changed. Sure enough, a few days after he told me we were through, the apartment manager said she had seen him come to my place while I was at work and try his key in the door over and over, then he stood there for a few minutes like he couldn't believe I would change the locks. I wish I had a video of that. I know why he did this--he had a habit of going to my place so that he would be there ready and waiting when I got home from work; that was his favorite time to surprise me and "get romantic" so to speak.
A few days later he phoned to ask if he could stop by to pick up his stuff. I said, "Sure, how's Saturday at noon?" I made sure my best friend, who never thought much of him, would be there with me. He was so arrogant, I know he thought as soon as he got me alone, he could charm his way back into my good graces like he had before. It was hilarious--I opened the door, he sauntered in acting all suave and self-assured, and then he saw my friend. He started stammering, said hello to her not just once but twice, shook her hand, dazedly took the cardboard box I was holding out to him, and staggered out the door.
Some months later I arranged to have a piano picked up from his place where he had insisted I keep it ("You don't have room for it in your place, we're going to be living together real soon anyway, baby, and I just love seeing your piano there because it reminds me of you.") When I talked to the lady at the piano moving company, she said, "Wow, he sure misses you, he couldn't say enough nice things about you and I think he wants to get back with you." I said, "I'm sure he does, but you can tell him he missed his chance, I'm married to someone else now."
After all this time, I still get a laugh out of thinking of him standing there in that apartment building hallway, repeatedly trying to get his key to fit in my lock.
I've found that I think comments such as "I can't imagine life without you", "I've never loved anyone like this", etc. are best taken with a grain of salt. Would you agree?
no. as long as they treat you that way
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