Idealized love and actual love (wives, married, husband, sex)
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Idealized love is the stuff of novels and poetry, of troubadours and folk-songs. Actual love is not cringing too much when one's partner passes gas, and managing to fall asleep despite one's partner's snoring.
The OP's quandary is less a distinction between the theory and the practice of love, than an outsized fascination with the initial flush of first encounter. Personally I'm the reverse, finding the early stages of dating to be stressful and emotionally oppressive, with tension easing as the partnership deepens. Some people revel in the making of first-acquaintance, relishing the mystery of novelty. Others prefer the comforts and surety of established familiarity. These latter ones aren't necessarily more mature or more substantive lovers; they simply relate differently to the business of meeting people.
It's not abnormal, its just not love. What you are most into is infatuation and the adrenaline rush that comes with something new. Nothing wrong with that, that's pretty standard...but it's not love, so be careful not to misidentify it as such.
"Idealized love and actual love "
In reality, I see no difference. Defining Love is completely subjective and dependant on the individual. There is a recent US/western construct that is shared by many people here that they refer to as 'Love'. It's really just made up in your mind. It's only your reality that counts. It's like defining God, Allah or whatever diety is you claim as yours.
If you have never been in love with someone - it's pretty hard to imagine what it's like. After the euphoric courtship stage comes something deeper, truer, and more meaningful. If, after the euphoric stage, you are then bored and not happy spending time with that person - then it's not love. It was just lust.
How about if you are in love with someone and its not reciprocated? Is that still love? You could go through your entire life with this 'feeling' of love until you die, and the object of your affection doesn't have the same feelings for you.
How about if you are in love with someone and its not reciprocated? Is that still love? You could go through your entire life with this 'feeling' of love until you die, and the object of your affection doesn't have the same feelings for you.
I was talking about love in the context of a loving relationship.
How about if you are in love with someone and its not reciprocated? Is that still love? You could go through your entire life with this 'feeling' of love until you die, and the object of your affection doesn't have the same feelings for you.
IMO, to be in love requires two people, not one person idolizing, worshipping and fantasizing about the idea of a person they're not actually in a relationship with.
I think as others have said if you're getting bored fairy easily or fairly quickly, it's probably not love, cause once the honeymoon phase is over and the day to day business of life kicks in, you know it's love when you want to wring the other person neck, yet in a short while you don't and you still actually love them....
I think as others have said if you're getting bored fairy easily or fairly quickly, it's probably not love, cause once the honeymoon phase is over and the day to day business of life kicks in, you know it's love when you want to wring the other person neck, yet in a short while you don't and you still actually love them....
"I think as others have said if you're getting bored fairy easily or fairly quickly, it's probably not love"
So, there is a time aspect to it? If you get bored with someone after 2 months it's not love. But, if it takes 2 years to get to that same point with someone its more likely to be love?
Maybe I lack emotional maturity, but I find the beginning stages of courtship/romance much more enjoyable than when things actually get real. Rationally, I'd like to find someone to settle down with, but I can't seem to get over the possibilities I'm able to project on someone new that I'm still getting to know. Is there something wrong with me? Am I a commitmentaphobe?
It'll probably get deleted, but yeah that's what it's about.
Infatuation is the night before. Love is the morning after. Infatuation is when she's looking hot and glamorous. Love is when she's wearing your old t-shirt and isn't in a great mood. Infatuation is the worship of an ideal. Love is dealing with the reality of a person. Infatuation is juvenile while love is for adults.
"I think as others have said if you're getting bored fairy easily or fairly quickly, it's probably not love"
So, there is a time aspect to it? If you get bored with someone after 2 months it's not love. But, if it takes 2 years to get to that same point with someone its more likely to be love?
Have you ever been in love?
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