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Not jumping to conclusions. What I have to go on is what the OP posted as well as my own experiences married to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. I was much like the OP initially as I had never heard of NPD nor experienced anything like the behavior and tactics exhibited by my ex. I spent years in misery and self doubt trying to understand and justify. Then I stumbled on a web site and read the literature and personal accounts and began to slowly see and identify and "understand" my ex's behavior. I was in denial for awhile believing It could get better. Then acceptance as I knew it could not. Just as Lilac described, when I finally understood, stopped giving in and caring and catering to his narcissism he simply dismissed me and moved on to another victim.
It does not appear to me that the OP is constantly nagging and he is just ignoring her. Quite frankly I see more women engaging in a temporary silent treatment when they get mad over an argument but what the OP is describing is a completely different situation and is not gender specific. What she is describing is a manifestation of total lack of ability to communicate as an adult conceived of a much deeper disorder.
I seriously have a difficult time believing you are any kind of counselor. Surely you have some experience with actual disorders and surely you realize that most people without psychological disorders can change the way they deal with conflict regardless if they are the one doing the nagging, screaming and crying or the one giving the silent treatment.
No I am not now a counselor, even if I still was I would not be giving advice on an anonymous forum nor would I advise someone else to take it seriously.That's one of the reasons I don't post a lot in the psychology forum. But I think it's not wrong to have an opinion as a man, one as a husband, and one from a totally different and objective perspective.
I have to admit I have had a charmed life with regard to women. Being raised around so many older women when I was young, I have serveral nieces my age who I was raised with. The down side is I learned from a young age that many people who think they are love with someone will eventually kill that person. I have never had a bad breakup in my life. Every woman I have dated would take me back.
Most of what I learned about how to treat a woman I learned from women. The best lesson was never have sex with someone you could not marry.
Anyone find it odd that a person in a normal long term relationship gets bashed and the posters who are the most supportive of the abused woman dish out the most abusive post?
Anyone find it odd that a person in a normal long term relationship gets bashed and the posters who are the most supportive of the abused woman dish out the most abusive post?
Sorry folks ,my ride is here
I don't find it odd that the person who disregards the OP in favor of personal bias received an unwelcome response, no. You're not the only person in a "normal" long-term relationship in the thread.
love how the ones who claim theyre SOOO happily married, spend every waking hour telling others how to behave.
Lol.
Meanwhile, Wife is off shagging pool guy.
Yadi yada, misery loves company. Hope some will have the opportunity to be loved instead of living vicariously through threads on cd. Shag the pool boy, lol. Whatever floats your boat.
My husband has a history of giving me the silent treatment. The last time was in July and lasted 4 days. During the silent treatment phase, he won't talk to me, won't tell me what's wrong, withholds affection & sex, just completely ignores me. Unless, of course, we happen to be around other people and then he talks around me. You'd have to be really perceptive to realize he's ignoring me. He's actually really good at it. Typically, the silent treatment starts because I ask him for something, he gets mad and just shuts me out. Eventually, (anywhere from days to weeks), he'll decide I'm forgiven, I guess, and then treat me like nothing has happened.
During these periods of the silent treatment, I am a mess. I'm anxious, can't sleep, can't eat, I worry that he's having an affair or is going to leave me. I've tried to ignore it, while letting him know that I'm willing to listen and talk. It is just agonizing and at this point, I'm starting to get worried about me. The last time he did this, I told him exactly how it made me feel, promised I'd never do it to him (because it is so painful) and asked that he never risk losing me or our marriage by doing this ever again. He seemed to agree. I thought he got it. Apparently not.
I'd like to add that I'm not perfect. But I am willing to work with him, make concessions, try to change my behavior, etc. The problem is that the silent treatment doesn't offer me the chance to do any of this because I'm never sure, exactly, what I've done to deserve it. I've told him this repeatedly.
Anyway, yesterday he got mad at me, refused Thanksgiving dinner, and apparently I'm getting the silent treatment again.
I am not looking forward to being ignored tonight. I would really, really like to go to a local hotel with a spa and pool for tonight. I really want to go to a crazy happy movie and then just spend the night and escape my life for 24 hours.
The thing that is stopping me is that I want to make sure he doesn't think I'm abandoning the marriage or leaving him. I would be really hurt if he spent the night in a hotel. I would seriously be freaking out. I don't want to do that to him.
I also don't want to force his hand. If he's planning to leave me, I need a few months (ideally 6) to get things in order.
Does anyone have any advice?
temperamental child-like behavior.. if you weren't married, I'd say move on..
but since you are, I recommend marriage counseling.. Marriage is life-long commitment and oath given before God. IMO
The man needs to step up, recognize his foolish behavior, and apologize.
You are wasting your time here. It seems to be the automatic response of most people here for any sort of marital dispute that involves a man. They refuse to see the fact that the story being presented is one sided and the OP is not listing her flaws to help us understand the mans behavior.
I don't think so. I tell plenty of men on here to get rid of women who treat them poorly. Life is too short for that, male or female.
As for this being one-sided, the bottom line is that while the OP most assuredly has flaws, because all humans do, the silent treatment is not the way an adult in a marriage addresses them.
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