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I think it's interesting reading the responses from women here. I never realized there were so many socially inept men out there, and even in their 40's and 50's. I would think by this age they would have this figured out. That post from Jillabean about the clingy guy was really enlightening. I wonder why this is? Why are so many men wanting to get married again so soon? I just can't identify with this, and I'm guessing it's on reason I got a bunch of messages when I started doing OLD. One of the things I specifically stated was how I'm not looking to get married. Judging from some of the troubled younger men that constantly post on here it seems like there will be another generation of these following.
I think it's been that way since time began.
When I was in my teens, 50 years ago, my grandfather repeatedly warned me to never get married. We all just laughed at him and never took him seriously as it was usually in the context of his response to my grandmother who was harpin' at him for something or other loudly from the kitchen.
It took me 20 more years to understand where he was coming from and that it really was no joke. If I could turn back the clock to 1965, his advice would be followed to the letter in my second life.
When I was in my teens, 50 years ago, my grandfather repeatedly warned me to never get married. We all just laughed at him and never took him seriously as it was usually in the context of his response to my grandmother who was harpin' at him for something or other loudly from the kitchen.
It took me 20 more years to understand where he was coming from and that it really was no joke. If I could turn back the clock to 1965, his advice would be followed to the letter in my second life.
Ya know, I'd be following your grandfather's advice to the letter in my second life, too, CV.
When I was in my teens, 50 years ago, my grandfather repeatedly warned me to never get married. We all just laughed at him and never took him seriously as it was usually in the context of his response to my grandmother who was harpin' at him for something or other loudly from the kitchen.
It took me 20 more years to understand where he was coming from and that it really was no joke. If I could turn back the clock to 1965, his advice would be followed to the letter in my second life.
Whether your grandfather's purpose was a sophomoric joke, or sage advice, or something in between, it's worth asking the question: were your grandmother and grandfather together for a lifetime? If they were, then joke or no joke, harping or no harping, they took their mutual commitment seriously. One wonders if this remains true for the younger generations.
Married men actually enjoy hitting the bar with single men as an excuse to go drinking/checking out women.
"sorry honey, I gotta help out my buddy over here"
And they enjoy living vicariously in single men approaching women in the bars.
This has not been my personal experience. Married men will of course go to bars, sometimes with other men (married or unmarried), for example to watch sports or to celebrate some event or for an office social function. But I've not experienced personally, or even heard stories amongst acquaintances, of married men joining their unmarried brethren as strategic associates with objective of helping the latter to pick up women. Perhaps it's a generational thing? Most men in my social circle have daughters, ranging from say 4th grade through college. This tends to affect their perspective.
Humans over 40 (and perhaps under 75) tend to largely be married (or otherwise stably coupled), especially if our census is limited to those whose lives are more or less sorted. Of those who aren't coupled, a large fraction have voluntarily removed themselves from the market, on account of jadedness and ennui, personal maladies or some other cause. Who remains?
I don't view things this negatively at all, but I don't live where you do, either. But geographical differences aside, I'd just like to point out that studies have shown that there are more people who are single at 40+ now than there ever has been in US history. It was big news a few years ago, that there are so many people living solitary lives at all ages. Of those, I think it's only a small percentage that's willfully removed themselves from the dating market. I really don't see the situation as bleak, or anything close to that. Again, my sympathies to people who live in conservative areas where most people marry young and divorces are relatively few, but more broadly speaking, there's good cause for optimism. You can choose not to go through life with a mentality of scarcity.
The issue, here, seems to me to be not that any one of us are perfect, but that some of us set the bar so high (for whatever reason) that there is no one that get over it and then complain about the shortcomings of the opposite sex, based on their own experience.
I value your input, Frihed. Based on what I said in my post, do you think I'm setting the bar "so high"?
I don't. I think I have very reasonable, realistic standards. And I think most women my age do, as well.
Can you give an example or two of unrealistic standards you allude to?
OMG, I'm really not talking about "sexual" attractiveness of women or men. I'm talking about way more than that.
The problem is that you guys ultimately have a problem with over 40 women who have the gall to want what I and most women my age consider to be pretty basic stuff. I guess at my age I should be happy with whomever pays me attention, huh?
BTW, do you remind your mother and any other over-40 women you know about their declining sexual value?
No I don't, they all get pretty worked up over reality.
This has not been my personal experience. Married men will of course go to bars, sometimes with other men (married or unmarried), for example to watch sports or to celebrate some event or for an office social function. But I've not experienced personally, or even heard stories amongst acquaintances, of married men joining their unmarried brethren as strategic associates with objective of helping the latter to pick up women. Perhaps it's a generational thing? Most men in my social circle have daughters, ranging from say 4th grade through college. This tends to affect their perspective.
Yep.
I heard a guy say once that it took only three little words to forever change his opinions about females and the way he treats them: "It's a girl." In my experience, those 3 little words have the same effect on most men. And they'll have the same effect on even the most women-hating guys here on CD, IF they ever have daughters.
I value your input, Frihed. Based on what I said in my post, do you think I'm setting the bar "so high"?
I don't. I think I have very reasonable, realistic standards. And I think most women my age do, as well.
Can you give an example or two of unrealistic standards you allude to?
I don't think any of us can answer that for you. You get what you can get. Dating is ultimately a free market system. If you aren't getting what you want and you've been diligently trying, then maybe your criteria or standards do need to be re-evaluated.
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