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Hey, you can do whatever you want. Me and most guys I know are not into sluts, and for sure won't marry one. I'm not even judging her for sleeping around, she can do whatever she wants. But that doesn't mean I have to marry her. There are many many women who don't bang 40-100 guys by the time they hit their mid-late 20's, in fact the vast majority haven't. I'll marry one of them.
The way I see it is this: promiscuous women are that way because that's the way they are. SOCIETY on the other hand, dictates that you eventually have to settle down and marry someone. That's just the way it is right now, although it is changing. They are programmed by society from a very young age that they have to settle down at a certain point, but their inherent nature is to be promiscuous. This is a issue.
Women who's inherent nature is to be monogamous are that way in their youth. They have slept with 2-6 guys only because they were in serious relationships with them, and the prospect of sleeping with random guys never was or will be desirable to them. That is the woman I and a lot of guys want to marry. We can trust her, she is wired for monogamy.
Guys are the same way. Some are all about sleeping around, others see no point in it and only sleep with women they care about and are in a serious relationship with.
Me personally I'm in the latter group. One night stands to me are like skiing 2% of the way down a sweet run, stopping, kicking your skis off and climbing back to the top and hitting another run for 2%. There is no point to it in my mind, it doesn't compute.
You have it figured out, eh?
To the women reading this thread: STOP TAKING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM MEN AND TREATING IT AS SOLID GOLD!!!
I have seen it time and time again where men say they wouldn't accept marrying a woman who sleeps around (even though they sleep with her )turn around and marry her or someone like her!
Like I stated before I am not for promiscuity with both sexes, but this sexual control men attempt to place on a woman's marriage worthiness has to stop being listened to and believed.
Just stop putting all of these restrictions on dating and marrying.
I have seen it time and time again where men say they wouldn't accept marrying a woman who sleeps around (even though they sleep with her )turn around and marry her or someone like her!
Yeah, there are lots of weird viewpoints here. The reality is when people meet and hit it off, they fall in love and work well together, and they're at the right point in their life, who someone hooked up with really matters not one bit.
Have you never considered that maybe you'll marry the person you fall in love with and loves you?
Your point of view is an enigma to me. Really. Certainly some people are more monogamous in nature than others, and marrying someone more monogamous is certainly more desirable than not (IMO). But absolutely nothing I've seen in some 30 years of dating and having sex indicates that men or women that, when they're not in monogamous relationships, are open to connecting with others sexually during either short term relationships or one off encounters, are any more prone to infidelity. I have no idea where this notion comes from. The encounters are completely different, a vacation fling, a one night stand, or having a lover of 10 years can all be wonderful things, they're just different.
The term sl*t, while being (thankfully) be reclaimed, indicates that there is something negative about having sex for enjoyment sake or outside of a committed relationship. Hopefully that viewpoint continues to disappear.
Well I and all my friends are right in the prime time for marriage, and we agree on this stuff. Granted we are a tiny sliver of the populous, but we are well educated, well off, intelligent people. It makes perfect sense to us...
I didn't say it can't be fun in the moment to have no strings attached sex, but it's not the main attraction for us (we only learned this by doing it). It ultimately feels hollow and empty. I like getting to know a woman, developing a close emotional bond, learning all her preferences in bed, etc... Like I said before, skiing 2% of the way down a slope then turning back is pointless for me, it's actually ultimately painful. I have a inherent desire to have more then that, to build a bond.
Also there is the idea that tigers don't change their stripes. While it's true that promiscuous people eventually settle down and get married, and said marriage can last awhile, that doesn't tell the whole story. Cheating is rampant in marriage, divorces make up 50% of all marriages, and a greater percentage then that are unhappy, dysfunctional marriages that stay together for the children or just out of convenience or fear.
Yeah, there are lots of weird viewpoints here. The reality is when people meet and hit it off, they fall in love and work well together, and they're at the right point in their life, who someone hooked up with really matters not one bit.
Yeah, I have to agree here. I am not promiscuous (my grand total number of partners in my life is four) but I have dated a lot of men at this point (especially the past 3 years since my divorce) and not one has ever asked me about my sexual history or even asked how many boyfriends I've had (by the way, the number is five). Unless the men I've dated are psychic, it's just not on most people's radar and it seems to be one of those things people think about hypothetically, but when real life hits, it's all out the window when they meet someone they like.
Last edited by jillabean; 01-15-2015 at 08:35 AM..
Reason: Whoops. Forgot all about my high school boyfriend. I never had sex with him though.
On I'm right here with you friend. The woman that I think are attractive won't talk to me. I'm in the same boat. I'm easy on the eyes good personality am loyal. It seems like all the low life's or useless men can find woman over night. I've been single 2yrs an have no luck. It's hard on the ego.
To the women reading this thread: STOP TAKING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM MEN AND TREATING IT AS SOLID GOLD!!!
I have seen it time and time again where men say they wouldn't accept marrying a woman who sleeps around (even though they sleep with her )turn around and marry her or someone like her!
Like I stated before I am not for promiscuity with both sexes, but this sexual control men attempt to place on a woman's marriage worthiness has to stop being listened to and believed.
Just stop putting all of these restrictions on dating and marrying.
Listen, I as a man can marry whomever I please. You as a woman can marry whomever you please. It's a free country. Guys are free to marry promiscuous women, I'm sure many do. Guys like me, when we hear from a woman that she's slept with a high number of men, it's repulsive. I can't help that reaction, it just goes against how I'm wired and I find it nasty. Sorry, I'm not sorry.
Guys who have the ability to choose their mates and therefore don't have to settle, well they are going to choose the woman who is right for them, not the one who happens to be around when they think they have to get married. A ton of people settle for whatever is around, they have a fear of loss, a lack of confidence in themselves, etc. They hit their 30's and societal programming kicks in, "oh crap, gotta get married".
Women who slept around their whole lives made their bed, and now they have to sleep in it. They can't assume they get to have their cake and eat it too and get mad at men when they "put restrictions and control on women". No, we are just doing what feels right to us. There are plenty of men out there who don't care and who have been sleeping around their whole life too, they are welcome to marry each other.
Listen, I as a man can marry whomever I please. You as a woman can marry whomever you please. It's a free country. Guys are free to marry promiscuous women, I'm sure many do. Guys like me, when we hear from a woman that she's slept with a high number of men, it's repulsive. I can't help that reaction, it just goes against how I'm wired and I find it nasty. Sorry, I'm not sorry.
Guys who have the ability to choose their mates and therefore don't have to settle, well they are going to choose the woman who is right for them, not the one who happens to be around when they think they have to get married. A ton of people settle for whatever is around, they have a fear of loss, a lack of confidence in themselves, etc. They hit their 30's and societal programming kicks in, "oh crap, gotta get married".
Women who slept around their whole lives made their bed, and now they have to sleep in it. They can't assume they get to have their cake and eat it too and get mad at men when they "put restrictions and control on women". No, we are just doing what feels right to us. There are plenty of men out there who don't care and who have been sleeping around their whole life too, they are welcome to marry each other.
Wow, you really do think having sex is a bad thing. That it diminishes people somehow! Having sex is nasty??!!
People are "welcome" to marry whoever they choose to if the other person wants the same.
And what societal programming? Few people are getting married today because of what society wants. They marry when they fall in love and want to spend their lives with the other person.
I'm guessing you must live in the bible belt? Your views don't really correspond to modern society.
Yeah, I have to agree here. I am not promiscuous (my grand total number of partners in my life is four) but I have dated a lot of men at this point (especially the past 3 years since my divorce) and not one has ever asked me about my sexual history or even asked how many boyfriends I've had (by the way, the number is five). Unless the men I've dated are psychic, it's just not on most people's radar and it seems to be one of those things people think about hypothetically, but when real life hits, it's all out the window when they meet someone they like.
I meet most women I end up dating through my social circle. I learn about their history through people in their social circle. Has nothing to do with being psychic.
I like to know what I'm getting into, and I've had to console way too many guys after they get their heart ripped out by a woman I could've told them beforehand would do it. They didn't inquire, and it cost them.
Listen, I as a man can marry whomever I please. You as a woman can marry whomever you please. It's a free country. Guys are free to marry promiscuous women, I'm sure many do. Guys like me, when we hear from a woman that she's slept with a high number of men, it's repulsive. I can't help that reaction, it just goes against how I'm wired and I find it nasty. Sorry, I'm not sorry.
Guys who have the ability to choose their mates and therefore don't have to settle, well they are going to choose the woman who is right for them, not the one who happens to be around when they think they have to get married. A ton of people settle for whatever is around, they have a fear of loss, a lack of confidence in themselves, etc. They hit their 30's and societal programming kicks in, "oh crap, gotta get married".
Women who slept around their whole lives made their bed, and now they have to sleep in it. They can't assume they get to have their cake and eat it too and get mad at men when they "put restrictions and control on women". No, we are just doing what feels right to us. There are plenty of men out there who don't care and who have been sleeping around their whole life too, they are welcome to marry each other.
Are you planning on getting married? Are you in a serious relationship?
I know how many people my husband has slept with and he knows how many people I have slept with - but as far as I can tell, we are in the minority. Most people just don't care if they love the person. Also, most people I know haven't slept with hundreds of people. But you are free to do whatever you please.
Wow, you really do think having sex is a bad thing. That it diminishes people somehow! Having sex is nasty??!!
People are "welcome" to marry whoever they choose to if the other person wants the same.
And what societal programming? Few people are getting married today because of what society wants. They marry when they fall in love and want to spend their lives with the other person.
I'm guessing you must live in the bible belt? Your views don't really correspond to modern society.
lol nope, grew up in NY, went to a boarding school in CT for high school that had people from all over the world, college in Boston and Florida... I've been all over the place. I don't think having sex is bad, I don't feel like re-explaining what I've already said.
I did just mention that the societal programming is starting to go away, but it's still there. Look at all Disney movies that kids grow up with, the princess and prince always end up married at the end, it's always true love that will last forever, that is the happy ending we are programmed to go after. Reality is quite different.
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