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This. I wouldn't assume anything about a good-looking guy. I'd wait for him to display his character. OP, personality is key. If you're a great guy and fun or engaging to be with, you'll de-intimidate people very effectively.
I'm not sure why women would be intimidated by good looks, anyway. People are weird. You looked "too put together"? Do dress meticulously, or something? Expensively? I don't know what "too put together" means, exactly. Were you like our perennial bounce-back kid, who wears tailored, designer clothes for everyday occasions, then wonders why he's only approached by gay guys? lol. I"m trying to get my mind around "too put together". Help me understand.
About the "too put together" thing....
I know it's hurtful when someone tells you that you're out of their league because you don't feel that way, but consider that one meaning they may have is that you aren't vulnerable enough. Like, you appear to not have a problem in the world.
It takes a secure woman to date an attractive guy.
My partner is very attractive and gets hit on all the time... free drinks from bar tenders, free pastries at coffee shops. His dentist one told him he reminded her of Bradley Cooper!
Girls have hit on him when I’m standing right next to him.
I can see how it may be hard to date an attractive put together guy if a girl has been cheated on before, or has self esteem or body image issues.
Hm. I prefer partners who are not obsessed with looks. In general. Maybe that's why my preference is somewhere in a broad spectrum of "average." I was with a man who was obsessed with looks and forever on about how ugly he thought he was and how hot and gorgeous he thought I was, and I got damn tired of it. I actually dialed down my looks many a notch just because of him. Mainly he was obsessed with the idea that a better looking man would come along and steal me from him. So the idea that lodged silently into my brain somewhere was that I was a bad person for being pretty, I was a temptation to other men and I had no morals or goodness, I was heartbreak and betrayal waiting to happen. So if I were less good looking, maybe I'd be more deserving of trust or respect? I stopped even wanting to be pretty.
His obsession with looks was unhealthy. As was its effect on me.
And I've known gorgeous men, or at least men I found highly sexy who found themselves highly sexy and had many admirers. One I know is a musician. But I got to know him a bit, and my god...total prima donna! His love life, too, was a non-stop drama fest. Jeez. So unappealing. Killed any attraction I might have considered having, but it was a whole mindset and attitude from being this sexy singer from New York. Enough women had told him he was god's gift that he actually believed it. So when I met a young man on OKC some years back, who resembled him, I was like wow...and I would not have contacted him except his dating profile was very clever and funny, so I talked to him a bit. But then I decided not to date him, as he was too young and "too pretty." Some time later I ran into him (actually we had tons of small world encounters in life, our paths have crossed many times unexpectedly) in the grocery store, and asked him how he was doing...he told me he'd been looking for a job and not having any luck for over a year, but was scraping by fronting a little local goth band that played bars. I was thinking, "How cute. Yeah, I was right. DEFINITELY too young for me."
I think in general terms, being attractive brings more benefits than it takes away.
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