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But fleur, you still haven't explained why you see this current situation as rejection. Where's the rejection? You haven't shown us the rejection. Why are you getting so upset over what appears to be a good, solid start? This is what we're not understanding. Throwing in the towel after a major dating success? (She had sex with you!). The readership here, as far as I can tell, is fairly unanimously puzzled as to why you feel like throwing in the towel, in the midst of dating someone who seems to be into you. There's an element of irrationality in this scenario.
Because it's been said a number of times, whether here or IRL, that if the girl isn't initiating communication, etc., that she's likely not interested in you. So it's rather easy to come to the conclusion that if she's not doing the initiating, it's a subtle form of rejection.
Did you even read through the 33 pages of this thread? I believe that I've been very polite and receptive towards you people and your advice. Are there some disagreements on some of the points? Yes, of course. That's typically what happens when people from all over the world get together to discuss topics. Yet, the point remains that I've been very polite and receptive towards you all. On the other hand, I've been ganged up on and lashed out at by a number of you. I've been called a "loser", I've been told that I sound autistic, I've been told I need therapy/social coaching, I've been called a d-bag, a dummy, etc. Some of you people are the most vindictive, condescending, rudest, catty people I have ever dealt with in my entire life. Who really needs the counselling here?
And all because of what? Did any of you even read/comprehend the OP? Because what I told you (or vented to you) is that I'm failing at building a relationship, frustrated as hell with it, and feel like throwing in the towel (because it's not pleasant feeling constant rejection). This has nothing to do with any of you, and yet you're taking it so personal. Do you honestly think I'm the only frickin' person who's dealt with this problem? Are we all autistic losers that need therapy and professional counselling? YEESH!
I have learned some valuable things from this forum's posters. But the one thing that really resonates here is how nasty and hostile human beings can be when they don't agree on something. So yeah. Tell it like it is. Get your cheap rep points from your cronies. But most of all, stay classy!
I'll never post another thread again on this forum. Best of luck chastising and brutalizing your future victims who willingly open up to you about their personal issues.
/end thread
People here don't always say things in the nicest way and yes, some even come off as mean-spirited. If you're going to take serious offense, just don't share your personal issues because there'll always be someone here to say something that you won't like.
People here don't always say things in the nicest way and yes, some even come off as mean-spirited. If you're going to take serious offense, just don't share your personal issues because there'll always be someone here to say something that you won't like.
Because it's been said a number of times, whether here or IRL, that if the girl isn't initiating communication, etc., that she's likely not interested in you. So it's rather easy to come to the conclusion that if she's not doing the initiating, it's a subtle form of rejection.
It's also been said here a number of times that in the beginning (and 3-4 dates qualifies as the beginning stage), women tend to expect the guy to do the initiating, to show that he's seriously interested. Not all women, but at least half, if not a solid majority. At 3 dates, it's not a "relationship" yet, though in this case it seems headed in that direction. Once it becomes a relationship, normally the woman gets chatty. Meaning, once she can count on you not to disappear, she opens up.
On the other hand, I suppose you have a point, given that the dates with her have been more of a marathon nature; all-day dates. But that mere fact alone would tell most guys that she's into them.
I guess a lot is hanging on this 4th date.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-15-2015 at 02:02 PM..
Because it's been said a number of times, whether here or IRL, that if the girl isn't initiating communication, etc., that she's likely not interested in you. So it's rather easy to come to the conclusion that if she's not doing the initiating, it's a subtle form of rejection.
Kind of jumping the gun. You've only been out 3 times. Too early for that stuff. Give it a couple of months before worrying about that.
I've given up looking for a post to reply to, but the other girl who had potential, but was coming out of a relationship and wasn't quite ready for something new, you said she'd resurfaced. Why is this a bad thing? Maybe enough time has passed for her to feel more comfortable with moving on and getting into a new dating relationship, yet you were quick to write her off as not interested because of lack of initiative on her part at a time she said she wasn't ready for anything.
My two cents: it is hard, damn hard, to find someone you can really be with. When you come across the possibility, you should recognize it for the rare event that it is, and treat it accordingly. Don't miss out because you have some silly notion in your head about whose turn it is to initiate communication, or because you make an assumption about someone's level of interest based on your own insecurities rather than the reality that has been presented to you thus far. In the grand scheme of things, isn't the possibility of a great relationship worth sticking your neck out a little, rather than keeping score? What do you have to lose by not clearly demonstrating your interest (regardless of whether the other person does the same)? EVERYTHING.
Did you even read through the 33 pages of this thread? I believe that I've been very polite and receptive towards you people and your advice. Are there some disagreements on some of the points? Yes, of course. That's typically what happens when people from all over the world get together to discuss topics. Yet, the point remains that I've been very polite and receptive towards you all. On the other hand, I've been ganged up on and lashed out at by a number of you. I've been called a "loser", I've been told that I sound autistic, I've been told I need therapy/social coaching, I've been called a d-bag, a dummy, etc. Some of you people are the most vindictive, condescending, rudest, catty people I have ever dealt with in my entire life. Who really needs the counselling here?
And all because of what? Did any of you even read/comprehend the OP? Because what I told you (or vented to you) is that I'm failing at building a relationship, frustrated as hell with it, and feel like throwing in the towel (because it's not pleasant feeling constant rejection). This has nothing to do with any of you, and yet you're taking it so personal. Do you honestly think I'm the only frickin' person who's dealt with this problem? Are we all autistic losers that need therapy and professional counselling? YEESH!
I have learned some valuable things from this forum's posters. But the one thing that really resonates here is how nasty and hostile human beings can be when they don't agree on something. So yeah. Tell it like it is. Get your cheap rep points from your cronies. But most of all, stay classy!
I'll never post another thread again on this forum. Best of luck chastising and brutalizing your future victims who willingly open up to you about their personal issues.
/end thread
That's precisely why I would never ask for advice here. There are some really good responses here. Unfortunately some people really get off on posting the most nasty, vile things that they can think of. I think it gives them a sense of superiority or something. It's funny I make original posts on other sub-forums on CD (music, travel, movies, photography), and it usually stays pretty civil. It's very rare that a thread needs to be closed. That's not the case on this sub-forum.
As for your situation, I can't think of anything to tell you that hasn't been said already.
I don't think it's a last ditch effort - as I said before, if you are asking her out and you are both having a good time, and she continues to say yes, she's interested. Not every woman will pursue and initiate things. If that is a requirement for you, it may not work out with this woman, but if you are ok continuing to take the lead, at least until things are more established, it could all work out. With any luck you will truly be officially off the dating market - because you are happily coupled up!
I've given up looking for a post to reply to, but the other girl who had potential, but was coming out of a relationship and wasn't quite ready for something new, you said she'd resurfaced. Why is this a bad thing? Maybe enough time has passed for her to feel more comfortable with moving on and getting into a new dating relationship, yet you were quick to write her off as not interested because of lack of initiative on her part at a time she said she wasn't ready for anything.
She has not been counted out entirely. But once again, I made my intentions clear to her already and put in a decent amount of work to pursue her the first time. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. I respectfully told her that I was backing off for the time being in order to give her space. The ball is officially in her court now. If she doesn't think I'm worth it, then no skin off my back. As many of you have already intentionally made me well aware, she'll likely have a ton of guys ready to pursue her anyway. So what difference does it make to me? She'll be fine regardless of if I pursue her.
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That's precisely why I would never ask for advice here. There are some really good responses here. Unfortunately some people really get off on posting the most nasty, vile things that they can think of. I think it gives them a sense of superiority or something. It's funny I make original posts on other sub-forums on CD (music, travel, movies, photography), and it usually stays pretty civil. It's very rare that a thread needs to be closed. That's not the case on this sub-forum. 