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I've been initiating so far. I'm the one that asked her out on the past two dates. There needs to be some reciprocation at some point. The least she can do is contact me once in awhile to see how I'm doing.
This is the 3rd woman in a row who has acted like this.
Since you know that a great connection with someone is an elusive thing, why would you sit back after only two dates and no longer pursue or show interest because you've decided in your head that it's her turn to do that? Maybe she "should have" contacted you, but by letting it go for two days and then contacting her, you're also sending your own message. If you hit if off with someone the way you did on Sunday, I would have followed up the next morning with a "had a terrific day yesterday, can't wait to see you again" text regardless of whose turn you think it should be.
I've never done online dating and I never will, but I'm wondering whether meeting strangers and expecting some sort of amazing connection immediately, is one of the reasons it seems to be failing so many people. It's just too much, too soon and because these people are complete strangers, you think you can 'read' them but in reality you haven't got a clue what their actions really mean.
I have read so many threads now about guys giving up on women, that I am of the opinion online dating simply doesn't work for most people. Get back to real life, out there meeting people, bonding over shared interests, friends of friends scenarios.
I've always had great success using OLD but the key is persistence, patience, and not giving up. I have preached this over and over here. Unfortunately there are a lot of "immediate I want it now" people out there these days. OLD is not the place for those people.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 01-14-2015 at 09:43 AM..
Since you know that a great connection with someone is an elusive thing, why would you sit back after only two dates and no longer pursue or show interest because you've decided in your head that it's her turn to do that? Maybe she "should have" contacted you, but by letting it go for two days and then contacting her, you're also sending your own message. If you hit if off with someone the way you did on Sunday, I would have followed up the next morning with a "had a terrific day yesterday, can't wait to see you again" text regardless of whose turn you think it should be.
But I don't want to be that clingy guy that jillabean describes in all of her posts either. There is a delicate, delicate balance here. If I'm doing all the initiating of dates AND initiating of communication, I feel like I'm being a chump and acting desperate.
And it's not why you'd think. No, I didn't find any special person to share part of my life with. It's quite the opposite. The vast majority of women I pursued were flakes. They were wishy washy, at best, when it came to putting any sort of commitment in. There was little to no initiation on their part even when I made my intentions clear that I was interested in them. After this latest unimpressed woman, whom I've gone on three dates with (all lasted 10+ hours), slept with, and shared some nice experiences with overall, I've decided to throw in the towel. I'm done with the constant disappointment and being led on. This is no longer fun to me, and instead hurtful and frustrating.
I listened to all your advice. I made changes to my life. Before entering the dating pool, I got myself into shape and upgraded my wardrobe so I'd look nice. I always put my best foot forward. I treated these women like ladies. I brought them flowers on dates. I paid for dates. I opened car doors for them. I held their hands so they wouldn't slip on ice. I listened to them talk about their lives rather than take control of the conversation and talk only about me. I made them laugh. I contacted them regularly. We went on dates that went well and lasted hours and hours. We kissed. We made out. We were physically intimate. We cuddled. We did everything you guys say you like and I was everything you said you wanted.
Essentially I put my all into this and all I received was a lackluster response by the majority of women. So tell me again about how all you want is a nice guy who will listen to you and support your endeavors and choices. I was that guy and all I got was strung along and treated like I meant nothing to these women. Best of luck filtering your way through all the assclowns and dbags and bros out there that you claim to not be able to stand. Because you just lost one decent candidate from the dating poor.
Sincerely,
Frustrated and Jaded
I took myself off the market as well. It became a chore... No thank you. Bought another house instead and that is where I will focus my energy.
I've been initiating so far. I'm the one that asked her out on the past two dates. There needs to be some reciprocation at some point. The least she can do is contact me once in awhile to see how I'm doing.
This is the 3rd woman in a row who has acted like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
I'm not blaming them. I'm saying that I don't fit their mold despite having the qualities that are supposed to be attractive. There's something I'm missing or failing at. I get the chemistry argument, as I've been on some bad dates and you just knew it wasn't a good fit. But I'm also failing with the ones where there seems to be a connection between the two of us. That is not good.
Actually, it seems like just the opposite. It seems that THEY don't fit YOUR mold. Your mold is that they contact you first after the third date. The fact that they haven't done so doesn't mean that you don't fit their mold - it means that they don't fit your mold. They don't know that you are going to drop them if they don't contact you first after the third date.
Actually, it seems like just the opposite. It seems that THEY don't fit YOUR mold. Your mold is that they contact you first after the third date. The fact that they haven't done so doesn't mean that you don't fit their mold - it means that they don't fit your mold. They don't know that you are going to drop them if they don't contact you first after the third date.
But do you not understand that dating is a two way street? Do women not understand this? There needs to be reciprocation. As a guy, I can't be doing everything because then I will assume you are not interested in me. Thus far, I've initiated just about everything. For all I know, you're just going along and enjoying the ride. The true signs of interest, at least to me, is when you take time out of your day to inquire about the other person. She messaged me once a few weeks back while I was out of town for the holidays. So good on her I guess.
Since you know that a great connection with someone is an elusive thing, why would you sit back after only two dates and no longer pursue or show interest because you've decided in your head that it's her turn to do that? Maybe she "should have" contacted you, but by letting it go for two days and then contacting her, you're also sending your own message. If you hit if off with someone the way you did on Sunday, I would have followed up the next morning with a "had a terrific day yesterday, can't wait to see you again" text regardless of whose turn you think it should be.
Exactly. Every single man that I wound up in a relationship with made it crystal clear that he wanted to see me... As much as possible. These guys that want to sit back and let the world come knocking on their door, well, good luck with that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
The girls that I've known to be really into me were contacting me daily. When I meet a woman that doesn't do this, I just figure she's not interested.
Bad move. I've not heard from people for days, even a week, and they were interested, they just had sh*t going on. It wasn't about me.
But trying to say woman 1,2,3 that were good did A, so if 4 doesn't do A, it isn't good, isn't the way to work it. People are individuals above everything. People don't communicate the same, emotionally connect the same, or anything the same.
It's like playing a game and only one of you know the rules.
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