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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,075,799 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Maybe she is just tired of the dating game and wants to settle down and he came along at the right time. Just sayin ...
Oh no, she wanted to get married (and always thought she would) much younger. It just took a long time to meet the right person. I had hoped at one time I was, but I wasn't. It happens. She isn't settling, she could have done that ages ago. The dude is awesome and I can see she's mad about him. It's great.
With this last woman, we went out Sunday. Spent the entire day together essentially and left close to midnight. I'm very good at reading people and reading situations. There was no indication that she was just being polite. I've had those dates. I know what they're like.
Did she tell you that she's no longer interested in you?
I'm not saying that you are PUA - I'm saying that you set up your OP in a way that makes it sound like you took our advice and molded yourself into the supposed perfect man. If you honestly feel that you didn't do anything differently than what comes naturally to you - then I wonder why you put all that stuff in your OP about listening to our advice and then listing all the things that you did. It makes it sound like you are jaded and bitter because you were led astray into being something that was supposed to be fool proof and then it wasn't.
But whatever - if you are not in a place where you can have a positive attitude in your dating life - then taking a break is the best thing you can do. I've known lots of people that have purposely taken breaks in dating. It's a good idea.
These were the qualities that the posters said were vital. These are the qualities that I (naturally) offer. They're clearly not working. So maybe these qualities ARE NOT that superlative after all.
I'm not blaming you or women. Please get that out of your head right now. Rather, I'm saying there is clearly something missing here. Something I'm lacking. You don't have a series of great dates that result in nothing. There is a failure or lack of something somewhere.
Does it really matter why? Don't you want to be with someone who's as excited about you as you are about her? I totally get the disappointment -- I've been there many, many times. But you're stubbornly assuming that because you felt the right connection, these women did too. Therein lies the problem. Taking a break is a good idea.
Because they showed it in their actions. I've been on many bad dates as well and it's made very clear that there is not much interest in how they act and how the date generally goes.
How do you go from showing someone that you're having a good time to not having much interest just like that. I do not compute this.
And it's not why you'd think. No, I didn't find any special person to share part of my life with. It's quite the opposite. The vast majority of women I pursued were flakes. They were wishy washy, at best, when it came to putting any sort of commitment in. There was little to no initiation on their part even when I made my intentions clear that I was interested in them. After this latest unimpressed woman, whom I've gone on three dates with (all lasted 10+ hours), slept with, and shared some nice experiences with overall, I've decided to throw in the towel. I'm done with the constant disappointment and being led on. This is no longer fun to me, and instead hurtful and frustrating.
I listened to all your advice. I made changes to my life. Before entering the dating pool, I got myself into shape and upgraded my wardrobe so I'd look nice. I always put my best foot forward. I treated these women like ladies. I brought them flowers on dates. I paid for dates. I opened car doors for them. I held their hands so they wouldn't slip on ice. I listened to them talk about their lives rather than take control of the conversation and talk only about me. I made them laugh. I contacted them regularly. We went on dates that went well and lasted hours and hours. We kissed. We made out. We were physically intimate. We cuddled. We did everything you guys say you like and I was everything you said you wanted.
Essentially I put my all into this and all I received was a lackluster response by the majority of women. So tell me again about how all you want is a nice guy who will listen to you and support your endeavors and choices. I was that guy and all I got was strung along and treated like I meant nothing to these women. Best of luck filtering your way through all the assclowns and dbags and bros out there that you claim to not be able to stand. Because you just lost one decent candidate from the dating poor.
Sincerely,
Frustrated and Jaded
My advice: Get off OLD and be single for a little. Enjoy it and then reconsider.
I met more than 70 guys over the last few years through OLD. Got rejected a lot, rejected many myself. It is not easy finding a good partner.
These were the qualities that the posters said were vital. These are the qualities that I (naturally) offer. They're clearly not working. So maybe these qualities ARE NOT that superlative after all.
I'm not blaming you or women. Please get that out of your head right now. Rather, I'm saying there is clearly something missing here. Something I'm lacking. You don't have a series of great dates that result in nothing. There is a failure or lack of something somewhere.
I don't think of those things as vital. I think of compatibility as vital. Being a gentleman, being well dressed, etc. - those are things I think of as bonuses. If she likes you - then opening a door for her might make her smile and feel good. That can help in getting that second date. But treating someone well should also be it's own reward. If these are things that you do naturally - then you should know that. It's not about - well, I opened the door for her so now she owes me a relationship. It's about knowing that even if things didn't work out, you treated her well and hopefully made her feel good. Just as if these women made you feel good about yourself and you had a good time with them - then hopefully you can at least say that you had a good time even if it didn't end up in a relationship. I don't know if there is something that you are doing later on or something that is lacking in you - or if it's simply that there was a lack of compatibility - since I don't know you or the women that you have been dating.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,075,799 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
How do you go from showing someone that you're having a good time to not having much interest just like that. I do not compute this.
It's just a feeling man. There are loads of times I went out on 1-3 dates and had a nice time, laughed, thought they were cool and I just wasn't really really feeling it was going anywhere or it wasn't tingles and excitement. Then I made the decision that this wasn't the person an "click" I mentally / emotionally moved on. That's fairly common.
I've known people (some good friends, mostly women, my dude friends seem to get more attached) that can be like this with people they've dated for 6+ mos. Once the mental switch clicked to "not the person" its shut down and they've moved on. I think that's rather harsh and I don't get this, but, one thing that is critical in dating (I've found) is to realize not everyone connects with people, attaches to people, communicates or processes emotions like I do. My "not getting it" doesn't really have much of anything to do with anything.
Did she tell you that she's no longer interested in you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
That's what I'm wondering. Sunday was 3 days ago. How has it fallen apart so drastically?
OP, after Sunday, what kind of contact have you been in? You have a fabulous day and then what?
She didn't contact me at all Monday. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday until I finally texted her late in the evening about something we were joking about before (a small bet we had made). Her responses were meh; simple one liners. Just like the girl from October, she's not initiating communication and her responses have been lackluster. Yet, she has not turned down an offer to go out thus far and we were planning on going to see a movie this weekend. Now I'm not so sure she's even interested in me, so I don't want to waste my time.
These are signs, according to the general consensus, that there is a lack of interest. If she were interested in me, she'd be initiating communication, right?
How are you so sure the most recent woman isn't interested when you just went out a few days ago? Did she say she isnt interested?
If you two are going out again then thats not disinterest.
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