Is wanting only FWB a form of protection against vulnerability? (how to, guy)
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Most people do it because it's easy and less complicated...though the title would suggest otherwise. Me personally I would not do it. If I am going to sleep with someone...it's gonna be someone I am in a relationship with. An FWB situation would more than likely mess me up emotionally.
I've had FWBs the right way and the wrong way. The wrong way was very long-standing ones where the women weren't always super honest with their intentions. Liked me more than they would let on, yet would expect me to play mind reader of their intentions. I've also had them the right way. Go out on a couple dates, one party realizes they don't see it going further, yet both parties still have a sexual connection. You have to be honest and upfront and then there's some guidelines you need to follow.
For me, I may or may not talk to them everyday, but we'll also typically only talk about random things. Nothing really super personal, unless one party is open to being vulnerable about something. You just have to be honest with the other person, but first and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself. If you feel you can handle and FWB, then go out and pursue one. If you know you can't separate sex and emotion, then an FWB is not meant for you.
Why most people get hurt in FWBs is because they aren't honest with themselves, because they know by being honest they would have to turn down the sex.
I'm having a really hard time understanding how a woman can continually have sex with a man and not catch feelings!? How is this possible!!!?
Edit: How can an honest, loving, genuine female do this? I'm probably going to get hate for saying this, but I feel that woman who favor FWB relationships lack some fundamental qualities of a nice girl.
There's no right or wrong here love. I had a FWB before I met the love of my life. He was some eye candy and just scratched an itch for me. I never fell in love with him. It was just for fun, and it was.
One size doesn't fit all and I was quite capable of having a relationship like that because sex has always been a quality of life issue for me. Who wants to walk around being frustrated when there's a simple fix? To me it was just being practical. It was over the minute I accepted a date from John. My FWB needed to spend the night with me the night before my date with John because he had no heat in his new apartment yet. He slept in my bed, I slept on the couch. That was over 30 years ago and I've only remained obedient to the love of my life's touch. That doesn't mean I haven't met other people over the years that I haven't found appealing. That's just biology 101. The bottom line is that there will be no other for me for until death do us part. If he leaves first what I do to satisfy my physical needs remains to be seen.
I'm speaking more in terms of men, because from my observations, a "FWB" relationship is usually more favored by men.
I started thinking about the psychology behind it, and I'm wondering what are the motives that men have behind wanting this type of relationship. My thoughts are:
-Fear of commitment
-Fear of being hurt
-Fear of vulnerability
-Easy way out
-Not having to deal with emotions -No strings attached sex
Does this type of relationship really provide meaning and fulfillment to either party? Has this type of relationship ever worked out evenly for both parties emotionally?
Everyone can live their life their own way, I just don't see the point in a friends with benefits type of relationship. I see true love, meaning, and value created only in traditional relationships.
Thoughts?
I hi lighted the only one that men are thinking of in most circumstances.
Sorry babe.
Now: there are the rare exceptions.
I have 2 FWB, one I've known for 15 years, the other 8.
With both we started off dating, and it didn't work out for us.
But we are still friends.
We talk, hang out, I meet (and my opinion is sought after) with boyfriends/potential boyfriends (with one a husband... She has had several... Not doing relationships well) I've double dated with them, let them cry on my shoulder, help them through bad times/car trouble, hospital/health issues etc.
Heck, with one, I get invited to family events! We also serve as one anothers "standby date" if we are single and have weddings etc to go to.
And sometimes, (never both women at the same time) we are both single at the same time.
I'm a guy. I like sex. Both women do too.
We have that in our history, so we will go to the doctor, make sure we are "clean" and "enjoy one another's company" while we are single.
Even then I'll be consulted: I found it funny, Laying in bed naked with one post coutus we had a conversation about a guy she had met and was thinking about dating. I advised her to do so... And we were platonic for the next 7 years while they dated.
When they broke up.....
Yes, it's odd, yes, I'm sure it's unusual, but it works.
Now, without that "history" he's using you babe.
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