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Wow. I thought I was the only one who feels this way about marriage and the routine of day-to-day life killing passion. I always say to my family and closest friends that I'd rather be waterboarded every day for an entire year than to get married again. It would be less torturous.
I do think marriage between two compatible, emotionally healthy and generous people can be a beautiful thing (I love hearing about happy marriages), but, as smart and highly selective as I am, I'm not sure I'd make the right choice a second time. And there absolutely would be NO third. I'm sorry, but people who want to marry again after 2 divorces scare me.
CPG stated something (as well as others here), that one must be able to see the red flags before exchanging vows.
Guilty as charged on my end.
While my ex-wife is adorable in many ways, two divorces on her end should have been an eyebrow raiser for me. Yes, I'm her third ex-husband.
She lied to me about when her second marriage ended; her divorce was final one month before we met. She told me that it had been a year. Her first husband divorced her because she had a one night stand in Vegas.....go figure.
I s'pose that I could have checked on the timing of her second divorce, but who would lie about that, eh?
I also didn't know that she had been institutionalized for anxiety & severe depression several times over the years. No one said a word to me about that, and that's not something that I could check public records for.
I didn't anticipate that my bride would have a one night stand eight years into our marriage, but she did. I also didn't anticipate that she would dump me for her lesbian lover either. But she did.
This in no way is a homosexual bashing party as I respect everyone's lifestyles, as long as they're not hurting anyone.
But you'd think that a 48 year old woman would have shown some kind of tendencies.......
But I digress.....
Soon, I'll be 51 and married once....divorced once.
You folks are kidding yourselves if you think there are no men and some women deciding to opt out of marriage because of the cost of divorce. Yes the rate of divorce is down, but so is the rate of marriage. There are only about 1/2 of all adult Americans that are married, and the percentage keeps dropping. Sure, some women are rejecting marriage, but so are men. Some men are waking up and getting very angry about their second class status in the home and society in general. If you don't believe me, google MGTOW on YouTube and see what comes up.
And the person who said that marriage is a total win for men is living a fantasy. Some studies have shown that they get less sex after they get married. They have a 50% chance of a divorce, and 90% chance that if there is a divorce, she will get the kids, he will get the child support. This isn't happening just because of a few rich men who have gotten taken to the cleaners. LOts of men have been destroyed by their exwives.
And no, there was no indication that my SIL was as crazy as she was. She was crazy about my brother and absolutely devoted to him, until he wouldn't give her another baby.
Are you happy in your marriage? Do you feel like you got a good deal? If you had to go back, would you marry her again?
CPG stated something (as well as others here), that one must be able to see the red flags before exchanging vows.
Guilty as charged on my end.
While my ex-wife is adorable in many ways, two divorces on her end should have been an eyebrow raiser for me. Yes, I'm her third ex-husband.
She lied to me about when her second marriage ended; her divorce was final one month before we met. She told me that it had been a year. Her first husband divorced her because she had a one night stand in Vegas.....go figure.
I s'pose that I could have checked on the timing of her second divorce, but who would lie about that, eh?
I also didn't know that she had been institutionalized for anxiety & severe depression several times over the years. No one said a word to me about that, and that's not something that I could check public records for.
I didn't anticipate that my bride would have a one night stand eight years into our marriage, but she did. I also didn't anticipate that she would dump me for her lesbian lover either. But she did.
This in no way is a homosexual bashing party as I respect everyone's lifestyles, as long as they're not hurting anyone.
But you'd think that a 48 year old woman would have shown some kind of tendencies.......
But I digress.....
Soon, I'll be 51 and married once....divorced once.
And that's the end.
Yeah. The lying this is pretty much a total deal killer for me. We're not talking little white lies such as your Christmas gift or a surprise party. Nope, we're talking about the steady drumbeat of lies about things that matter.
My brother-in-law had an almost identical situation to yours, except the divorce was still going through. He met her at the gym a day after her husband had thrown all her stuff out on the lawn. She moved in with him immediately and didn't tell him that she was going through a divorce.
My best friend dodged a bullet with a woman who was a congenital liar. I went to a small liberal arts college and she told him, me, and everybody else she went there. Huh. I never noticed her, she wasn't in the alumni directories, and a host of other things. Just stupid lies that made no sense, because it was obvious she was lying.
Just an awful situation. Ronald Reagan said it best: Trust, but verify.
I did not read the entire thread but I can say this much. Women have attained superior status and gain many unfair concessions from work to personal life that men just do not get. This situation was reversed in the 60s but now feminism has taken things to the other extreme rather than balance things out.
However, the concept of women having power is just an illusion. You see, men can use money to buy sex and companionship. It may not be ideal but it's something. The kind of relationships women want are not for sale. Women must invest much more time and effort to get what they want whereas men can just buy it a la carte. The feminist movement in the guise of liberating women has made sex a commodity and it is suiting men just fine! LOL!
Divorce rates are way down since the late 70s and early 80s, especially for first marriages which are overwhelmingly likely to succeed. Especially if the couple is in their 30s or 40s and graduated college, at a minimum
Exactly. I think waiting is a good thing. The older you are, the more "yourself" you are. People change greatly between 18-28.
People always quote the 50% divorce rate, but that is based on one year in the eighties when the divorce rate was half the number of new marriages that year.
Last edited by Meyerland; 04-21-2015 at 02:30 PM..
Yeah. The lying this is pretty much a total deal killer for me. We're not talking little white lies such as your Christmas gift or a surprise party. Nope, we're talking about the steady drumbeat of lies about things that matter.
My brother-in-law had an almost identical situation to yours, except the divorce was still going through. He met her at the gym a day after her husband had thrown all her stuff out on the lawn. She moved in with him immediately and didn't tell him that she was going through a divorce.
My best friend dodged a bullet with a woman who was a congenital liar. I went to a small liberal arts college and she told him, me, and everybody else she went there. Huh. I never noticed her, she wasn't in the alumni directories, and a host of other things. Just stupid lies that made no sense, because it was obvious she was lying.
Just an awful situation. Ronald Reagan said it best: Trust, but verify.
I'm all for a nice long engagement.
I knew twenty years ago that I wasn't going to sire any children. I just didn't want any. And nowadays, it's not even close to being taboo.....having kids out of wedlock. And this right here would be the only justification for me to get married.
Gotta have health & dental insurance for the kids......
Our divorce was very painful in many categories, so it's still hard to find any humor in it.
But I try.
I'm dating a gal now that's twice divorced. Mark my word: We won't be married.
But she's still super nice & sweet, and I like to be with her. And if we ever break up, there won't be any paperwork.
I did not read the entire thread but I can say this much. Women have attained superior status and gain many unfair concessions from work to personal life that men just do not get. This situation was reversed in the 60s but now feminism has taken things to the other extreme rather than balance things out.
However, the concept of women having power is just an illusion. You see, men can use money to buy sex and companionship. The kind of relationships women want are not for sale. The feminist movement in the guise of liberating women have made sex a commodity and it is suiting men just fine! LOL!
You really think prostitution is new?
Some men get married, some don't. Some women get married, some don't. Some men use prostitutes and some don't.
I did not read the entire thread but I can say this much. Women have attained superior status and gain many unfair concessions from work to personal life that men just do not get. This situation was reversed in the 60s but now feminism has taken things to the other extreme rather than balance things out.
However, the concept of women having power is just an illusion. You see, men can use money to buy sex and companionship. It may not be ideal but it's something. The kind of relationships women want are not for sale. Women must invest much more time and effort to get what they want whereas men can just buy it a la carte. The feminist movement in the guise of liberating women has made sex a commodity and it is suiting men just fine! LOL!
for every divorced couple in my circle of friends and aquaintences, ONE of the spouses disappeared...whether they were ostracized or stopped coming around on their own, they are gone...friends is definitely something that usually gets split up, NOT shared...
I am married...if I could go back I would not change that...for one reason ONLY...my daughter
I am still married for ONE reason only...my daughter
I don't hate my wife, we don't cheat...we still have fun on rare occasions, fight a little too much I just would be happier if I wasn't someones assistant...which is what most husbands are trained for
I will NEVER EVER marry again...if we did divorce...which will probably happen when my child is much older...I would rather be gang raped in a Jamaican prison for 10 years than get married again...
NOTHING kills passion like sharing a household and paying bills together...
I'm sorry that you are living your life as a martyr. That's sad but not uncommon. I don't know if people who do that are noble or weak. I can't decide. I wasn't able to do it myself, and I got a lot of flack and judgment when I divorced the father of my children. My kids are happy and healthy adults now and they are thriving, so I don't beat myself up about it (anymore).
As for the bolded, I think women are equally, if not more so, "trained" to be their husband's assistant. I experienced that feeling in my first marriage, so I know what you mean. In my current marriage, we are true partners. It's a completely different experience and we work/live/play together well.
I enjoy sharing a household and paying bills with my husband and there's still plenty of passion. It's only been seven years, so that's not a long time in the scheme of things, I know. But we've been through a lot and it hasn't all been roses. Still, our passion and love for each other grows deeper and more solid every day.
Note to all of you. Sliced bread isn't that great. Fresh bread you cut yourself is far superior.
Glad to have that off my chest.
I try to avoid bread as much as possible, but I find it hard to resist a big, thick slice of freshly baked bread, still warm from the oven, slathered with lots of butter. Oh, my!
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