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What would you all think of this of my situation? Would like some insights. I don't know what to think now. Was this waiting all for nothing?
We met during our sophomore year of HS, several weeks before my 16th d-day (now I'm 20). Anyway it was her decision to wait until finishing college, which would have been within 2 yrs from now.
She recently dumped me for no other reason than wanting to see others and how she wasn't feeling the same anymore. Awesome so I wasted all this time only to have this in return. I really thought she was joking and did asked her twice if this was some type of mean joke, but she serious.
I'm very upset and shocked too. I'm not so much into religion myself but I did it for her, saving myself in the process (she met me a virgin too, which I'm still am). I'm mad. I did all this for nothing.
She made not having sex, at least for a time, a condition of the relationship. You agreed. That was your choice. She made you do nothing; you accepted her conditions.
If you were naive enough to believe that the relationship was guaranteed to last long enough that sex would certainly happen, that's on you.
If you waited for four years for sex, regardless of whether you got it or not, that's on you.
The relationship didn't work. It happens. It sounds like she gave it a chance, but just decided that it wasn't something she wanted to continue. That's not her fault - it just happens. And, no, she didn't owe you sex.
Get over it. And stop acting all pissy, like somehow you were horribly wronged. You weren't. You're hurt because getting dumped hurts. But that's life. And if you're hung up on the sex at this point, man, get a life and get laid and just move one.
Dude was like 16 at the start. Trying to indict him for being focused on sex doesn't make sense. If that was the case, indict 90% of the male teen population (and a healthy dose of the female teen population as well).
I agree. I can see why he's ticked off.
She was the one who wanted to wait and she clearly made him believe they had plans (once they were out of college) to start having sex, so the OP assumed that she planned to, you know, actually be dating him at that time and have sex with him, since he agreed to wait to have sex because he was being respectful toward her.
If they'd broken up because they got into a fight or some other thing, I guess I'd be telling him different, but her deciding to break up with him to see other people pretty much tells me she's decided she does indeed want to have sex, just NOT with him.
Which may have been the problem all along. She never had any interest in sex with him, so it was easy for her to wait. He, on the other hand, clearly had interest in sex with her.
I'd be annoyed about it if I were him. If she didn't feel like waiting was tough for her as it was for him, she should've broken up with him a long time ago or they should have agreed to see other people once they got to college.
I say this as a woman, for those of you who don't realize I am one. LOL.
Go on out and find yourself a girl who is into you, OP.
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She made not having sex, at least for a time, a condition of the relationship. You agreed. That was your choice. She made you do nothing; you accepted her conditions.
If you were naive enough to believe that the relationship was guaranteed to last long enough that sex would certainly happen, that's on you.
If you waited for four years for sex, regardless of whether you got it or not, that's on you.
The relationship didn't work. It happens. It sounds like she gave it a chance, but just decided that it wasn't something she wanted to continue. That's not her fault - it just happens. And, no, she didn't owe you sex.
Get over it. And stop acting all pissy, like somehow you were horribly wronged. You weren't. You're hurt because getting dumped hurts. But that's life. And if you're hung up on the sex at this point, man, get a life and get laid and just move one.
I dunno. I still can see why he's annoyed about it.
She set a specific time. She told him they'd wait until they were out of college. This, to me, indicates that she was planning for a future with him.
Sure, these types of things aren't guaranteed, but she did indeed decide she wanted to see other people, and I'd bet you a stack of hundreds it's because she found a guy who she wanted to have sex with.
It would be illogical to find yet another guy to NOT have sex with. She already had a perfectly good one with the OP and guys that age who will agree to those terms are tough to find.
So, maybe I think she was using him for quite some time, even if she didn't realize it. Which isn't cool, so I guess no matter how you look at it, the OP has every right to feel upset over how this turned out.
I do agree that he needs to get out there and date some women and have sex, since he wanted to years ago anyway.
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My suggestion was for the NOW 20 year old guy. Make his feelings regarding sex clear and up front. At 20 and being in college he is now more likely to find a girl who has a more suitable attitude to him regarding sex.
That's not what you said. You said "should have" dumped her after 3-4 months - at which time they both still would have been minors and in HS. 16 year olds don't, and shouldn't, work on the same timeline that you seem to think adults should work on. If you want to advise him that now as a 20 yo then you should clarify.
OP - you are in charge of your own sexuality, just as your past and future girlfriends are in charge of their own. If you develop some sort of timeline in which sex has to happen for the relationship to continue, just be up front about it from the beginning. And they have the right to say "No thanks." You have to respect their rules and boundaries as much as you want them to respect yours.
Which may have been the problem all along. She never had any interest in sex with him, so it was easy for her to wait. He, on the other hand, clearly had interest in sex with her.
Could well be.
I had numerous boyfriends in hs that I had zero interest in having sex with. Mostly because having sex a high schooler was not really high priority for me.
I also never cut a deal with any of them about "waiting" until a certain preordained time, though.
It is just me that thinks most of these "1st post" stories seem made up? I realize everybody has to have a 1st post, but when a person's 1st post is some drama filled story, and then they never post again... I can't help be think of the story of how Ben Franklin used to make up fake names and write letters to the editor of the newspaper he was trying to get started. He would then publish these letters and let other readers write responses to them... it was his way of creating buzz for the paper.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,820,547 times
Reputation: 41403
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
That's not what you said. You said "should have" dumped her after 3-4 months - at which time they both still would have been minors and in HS. 16 year olds don't, and shouldn't, work on the same timeline that you seem to think adults should work on. If you want to advise him that now as a 20 yo then you should clarify.
OP - you are in charge of your own sexuality, just as your past and future girlfriends are in charge of their own. If you develop some sort of timeline in which sex has to happen for the relationship to continue, just be up front about it from the beginning. And they have the right to say "No thanks." You have to respect their rules and boundaries as much as you want them to respect yours.
Welcome to the adult world of relationships.
Well, whatever. Point being OP could have saved himself a lot of heartache by cutting this off sooner.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,820,547 times
Reputation: 41403
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
I see nothing in the OP to indicate he is heart broken.
Heartache, frustration, disappointment, whatever same thing. God, is everyone going to cross-examine my posts just because of wording?! !
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