Facebook and Jealousy. Am I Paranoid? (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, how to)
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Hey, So I've been going out with this girl for 8 months now. We are both in our early 30s. She's a very reserved, independent person and she's only had one boyfriend after high school. I'm also on the reserved side, the problem with this is that when we are together things are great, but we don't talk/text much in between dates. She added a guy on Facebook about 4 months ago -apparently a former co worker. Now, here's where my doubts began. Because there is very little communication between us when we're not together, I don't know what she's up to on a given day, sometimes 2 or even 3 days go by without any contact. Before this guy appeared in the picture I had no reason to doubt her, but ever since they became Facebook friends I have this constant doubt that they are talking/seeing each other. I created a fake profile and added him just so that I could monitor their activity. Several times their Facebook activity would coincide -they would appear active at the same times and inactive at the same times and for the same period of time. I know it sounds a bit irrational but I see it as a too much of a coincidence. We had the exclusivity talk a few days after they became friends on facebook and she said she wanted to be exclusive with me, she also seems to like me a lot, so I tried to forget about the whole thing because it was driving me crazy and I had no proof so I stopped checking their facebook for months. However, last week she had the day off work and I was curious. She was pretty active most of the day - which is usual- and so was he. At around 5pm they became inactive and at 11 pm both became active at around the same time. I saw her the next day and asked her what she did on her day off, she said she had breakfast with her brother and then just sat on her balcony and read a book, I asked which book and she had a hard time recalling the name of the book. She does read a lot though and has a couple of books on the go at a time. Anyways, I can't stand this doubt in my head any longer but I don't know how to bring it up. I have no proof. We only hang out a few times a week so it's hard for me to look for clues, also I don't wanna be looking for clues I just wanna know if she's being unfaithful or not. Part of me thinks I should break up with her. We had a talk about the lack of communication and I suggested we break up but there's something very strong that draws me to her and I think it is mutual so we both decided that it is worth working on the relationship. I just need advice because I don't know what to do but I can't keep doubting her!
If you are to the point you are making fake accounts to monitor people's activity it's time for you to hang up your boots on the realtionship for your own personal reasons.
You made a fake profile and the guy added you? Really? And you spend all of your time stalking them both and drawing inferences, based on Facebook use? Your trust issues are rooted within you, not because of anything she's done. Let her go, and seek therapy for why you behave the way you do.
Paragraphs are your friend.
Stay off of facebook.
Don't be surprised when you go snooping around looking for something that you find what you deem inappropriate.
Break things off with this girl and let her find someone who does not feel the need to snoop and cause unnecessary drama where none exists.
I used to leave my facebook on all the time when I had it, never signed off and it looked like I was active all the time, it means nothing especially when I was gone for a week and facebook was still signed on when I got home.
I created a fake profile and added him just so that I could monitor their activity. Several times their Facebook activity would coincide -they would appear active at the same times and inactive at the same times and for the same period of time. I know it sounds a bit irrational but I see it as a too much of a coincidence.
However, last week she had the day off work and I was curious. She was pretty active most of the day - which is usual- and so was he. At around 5pm they became inactive and at 11 pm both became active at around the same time. I saw her the next day and asked her what she did on her day off, she said she had breakfast with her brother and then just sat on her balcony and read a book, I asked which book and she had a hard time recalling the name of the book. She does read a lot though and has a couple of books on the go at a time. Anyways, I can't stand this doubt in my head any longer but I don't know how to bring it up. I have no proof. We only hang out a few times a week so it's hard for me to look for clues, also I don't wanna be looking for clues I just wanna know if she's being unfaithful or not. Part of me thinks I should break up with her.
This is SO sad.
Dude.
People, if you find yourself tracking your SO's login times, you need to step back and take a mental health break. Get some self-esteem. You're doing it wrong.
Hey, So I've been going out with this girl for 8 months now. We are both in our early 30s. She's a very reserved, independent person and she's only had one boyfriend after high school. I'm also on the reserved side, the problem with this is that when we are together things are great, but we don't talk/text much in between dates. She added a guy on Facebook about 4 months ago -apparently a former co worker. Now, here's where my doubts began. Because there is very little communication between us when we're not together, I don't know what she's up to on a given day, sometimes 2 or even 3 days go by without any contact. Before this guy appeared in the picture I had no reason to doubt her, but ever since they became Facebook friends I have this constant doubt that they are talking/seeing each other. I created a fake profile and added him just so that I could monitor their activity. Several times their Facebook activity would coincide -they would appear active at the same times and inactive at the same times and for the same period of time. I know it sounds a bit irrational but I see it as a too much of a coincidence. We had the exclusivity talk a few days after they became friends on facebook and she said she wanted to be exclusive with me, she also seems to like me a lot, so I tried to forget about the whole thing because it was driving me crazy and I had no proof so I stopped checking their facebook for months. However, last week she had the day off work and I was curious. She was pretty active most of the day - which is usual- and so was he. At around 5pm they became inactive and at 11 pm both became active at around the same time. I saw her the next day and asked her what she did on her day off, she said she had breakfast with her brother and then just sat on her balcony and read a book, I asked which book and she had a hard time recalling the name of the book. She does read a lot though and has a couple of books on the go at a time. Anyways, I can't stand this doubt in my head any longer but I don't know how to bring it up. I have no proof. We only hang out a few times a week so it's hard for me to look for clues, also I don't wanna be looking for clues I just wanna know if she's being unfaithful or not. Part of me thinks I should break up with her. We had a talk about the lack of communication and I suggested we break up but there's something very strong that draws me to her and I think it is mutual so we both decided that it is worth working on the relationship. I just need advice because I don't know what to do but I can't keep doubting her!
This is a really bad sign. The moment you feel the need to do any of this the relationship is in trouble. She hasn't given you a reason to doubt her-right?
This is a bit too much for me, too. I mean I'll be the first to admit I am VERY strict with what I tolerate in a relationship but your paranoia is too much. You shouldn't be monitoring people on Facebook except for passively, and passively, they should be behaving.
In other words, it is cause for concern if you're noticing that your girlfriend is constantly liking other guys' pictures and adding random dudes. That's something she may not be aware of -- perhaps she was single for too long -- but it's not appropriate. The reason that's obvious is because it's in-your-face and everyone is going to notice that. It's disrespectful. But has she actually done anything wrong? It just sounds so circumstantial. It would be totally different if she checked in to the same restaurants as this guy at the same times multiple times, etc. But you didn't provide one piece of evidence that suggests anyone here is doing anything wrong except for you -- being crazy! LOL.
I will say the total lack of communication is kind of weird, though. And to be fair, I think most people have been where you are to some extent in the sense of wondering / hoping their SO isn't doing anything they wouldn't like. I know when my girlfriend was at school when we first started dating, I sometimes got paranoid and started thinking about things. But when we she moved in with me, that really took things to the next level and it tends to make people's behavior better otherwise they break up.
People sit there and act like it's no big deal to add other guys / girls on Facebook, text other guys / girls, all of this nonsense. But when you live together, that kind of nonsense just stops because it has no place in the relationship. I don't add random girls on Facebook, my girlfriend doesn't add guys. Why would we? It would be weird and suspicious. If we don't know the person, they wouldn't be added, and we don't add old high school classmates who are of the opposite gender because frankly neither of us give a s**t about anyone from high school at all.
Social media has not been a good thing for relationships whatsoever, in my opinion. It has created a lot of potential problems that never existed before. I would certainly ask my girlfriend before adding another girl to my FB list. It's respectful to do that, so that she at least knows who it is. It's not wrong to add a guy / girl but there should be reason for it. I don't worry about that stuff though because I don't use FB that way any longer. I only add people I know very well and avoid all business contacts on my personal FB -- they need to request me on LinkedIn. I post my mind on FB and the last thing I want is my clients reading my personal thoughts.
Wow, talk about being paranoid. Seriously you need to get off Facebook and get a life. Posting a fake account and tracking their activity really makes you look desperate.
I know I'm being insecure but how would you deal with some guy adding your gf on Facebook, liking her pics and probably messaging her to meet up? the guy lives in the same neighborhood, they used to work for the same company. I can't pretend it doesn't bother me because it does.
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