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Trust me, I am not against you, I am just trying to educate you.
Yeah, it's just that you're not educating anyone. I get the self-preservation perspective; honestly, I do. But that isn't the same thing as dating in a culture that promotes and values mutual respect. That's dating in a culture that promotes and values fear and manipulation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaConservative
People are not obligated to act a certain way. You have the right to either stay with a person or leave at anytime, no one is forcing you to stay with a less than desirable guy.
Not trying to bash women or anything but based on my experiences, about 90% of women out there will have a sob story of how badly they were treated by some former boyfriend or husband, some of these stories are true, some are complete bull****.
And this attitude is just as bad as the one that recommends sticking around and/or "giving space". If someone has a bad experience with someone else who is legitimately acting with deplorable behavior, then it's equally important to both encourage the person to be more mindful of their own choices, AND criticize the deplorable behavior.
Seriously, do a mental exercise for me. Think of every girl who's ever flaked on you (or worse). But instead of knowing that that girl's actions had absolutely no negative consequences on her life whatsoever, imagine a world where her friends, family, co-workers, and community think less of her for her having treated you so disrespectfully. And now imagine that as a result of that social pressure, instead of flaking on you, she calls you the day before your date and tells you that she's decided to cancel because she felt as if the two of you weren't a good match.
Doesn't that sound a whole lot better? It really isn't that far of a stretch, and a short time ago, this is how people actually behaved. This is what we have to get back to.
I don't know what you're talking about, op.
There is no rule that says you have to put up with this.
I don't put up with this.
However, I also am very blunt and up-front about my feelings.
It's only fair.
I don't even put up with friends who act like that.
I feel like the people on these threads just run with a really immature crowd or something.
There is no rule that says you have to put up with this.
I don't put up with this.
However, I also am very blunt and up-front about my feelings.
It's only fair.
This is almost exactly what I'm saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I feel like the people on these threads just run with a really immature crowd or something.
Yes. Absolutely, they do. Except almost everyone does, because immaturity is pervasive, unfortunately.
Yes. Absolutely, they do. Except almost everyone does, because immaturity is pervasive, unfortunately.
I mean, I don't know what you mean by you are somehow guilted by society into putting up with bad female behavior. The people I surround myself with don't agree with that at all. Or male behavior.
Immaturity is pervasive, but you have a choice who you populate your personal universe with.
And this attitude is just as bad as the one that recommends sticking around and/or "giving space". If someone has a bad experience with someone else who is legitimately acting with deplorable behavior, then it's equally important to both encourage the person to be more mindful of their own choices, AND criticize the deplorable behavior.
What you are failing to understand here is that, it does not matter how much you, society or family tries to lecture a person on her deplorable behavior, ultimately, people will just continue being themselves.
You would have to be an idiot to think that standing someone up is ok, obviously she knows it is not right but she doesn't care.
What I am trying to get to is, people never change, so it ultimately up to you to either put up with their flaws, bull****, lack of consideration, ignorance, stupidity, or be like, you know what? I am outta here!
I lived with a girl for 6 years, still like her a lot, she is still one of my best friends and we talk almost weekly but she will always have her flaws, some of them I simply could not deal with, so we broke up amicably.
Ultimately, it is all about finding out the kind of **** you are willing to put up with, people simply don't change.
I mean, I don't know what you mean by you are somehow guilted by society into putting up with bad female behavior.
I don't think that you are. What I think is that you're often given advice that does nothing to recognize the female's behavior as bad. So, what happens is that the behavior ends up just being casually accepted as part of the dating dynamic and never goes away. It just persists, uncontested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
The people I surround myself with don't agree with that at all. Or male behavior.
That sounds awesome. Stay put. Wish I could join you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Immaturity is pervasive, but you have a choice who you populate your personal universe with.
Totally agree. Also think that it's harder now than it used to be. Harder than it should be.
What you are failing to understand here is that, it does not matter how much you, society or family tries to lecture a person on her deplorable behavior, ultimately, people will just continue being themselves.
You would have to be an idiot to think that standing someone up is ok, obviously she knows it is not right but she doesn't care.
What I am trying to get to is, people never change, so it ultimately up to you to either put up with their flaws, bull****, lack of consideration, ignorance, stupidity, or be like, you know what? I am outta here!
I lived with a girl for 6 years, still like her a lot, she is still one of my best friends and we talk almost weekly but she will always have her flaws, some of them I simply could not deal with, so we broke up amicably.
Ultimately, it is all about finding out the kind of **** you are willing to put up with, people simply don't change.
I guess you can believe what you want to believe, but a quick glance at a US History book (or the recent news) will tell you that social/cultural norms change all the time...
Lots of bad behavior goes uncontested with a shrug and "everyone does it" from drinking and driving to littering to speeding to not putting your shopping cart away, etc. It is maddening to me that it's so acceptable.
But the crappy woman behavior is suddenly not ok bc it affects you?
Lots of bad behavior goes uncontested with a shrug and "everyone does it" from drinking and driving to littering to speeding to not putting your shopping cart away, etc. It is maddening to me that it's so acceptable.
But the crappy woman behavior is suddenly not ok bc it affects you?
I mean, do you want to sit down with me and discuss everything about our culture that I'd like to see changed?
I'm talking about this here because this is a relationship forum. It's never been okay.
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